PS Blogger Love

The lovely Debz from WannabePrincess recently decided to arrange a blog challenge where we are all given another plus size blogger to talk about, share stories and tell you why we love them.

I was very happy to be given the amazing Kathryn from MissKathrynsMisstakes

Although I had been reading her blog prior to, I first met Kathryn at Plus North 2012.  I arrived scared, on my own and very very nervous to be modelling that day.  I was wandering around with the lovely Nikki when she introduced me to Kathryn who unbelievably recognised my name and enveloped me in one of her famous hugs.   

Kathryn was there all day cheering everyone one and she definately gave me the confidence I needed to walk down the catwalk.

Like me with dresses, Kathryn is the cardigan queen and I love her fashion style.  Kathryn has a true voice and says what she thinks.  She also encourages the plus size blogger community to support each other and use our own voices.

I love Kathryn's body positivity and the way she is so supportive to others.  Kathryn is a fantastic blogger and a wonderful person and I encourage you to go check out her blog immediately!!

The Right to Love

There are seven billion people on this planet.  Seven billion sounds like such a large number and yet, each one of those seven billion are unique to themselves.  There is no one else exactly like they are in the world.

Everything from our physical appearance, the way that we dress, our personalities; our views; our political leanings and our likes and dislikes all come together to shape someone who is one of a kind.

In turn, the ways in which we choose our prospective partners works in a similar way.  We are complex creatures and we all want different things, be it purely on a physical or a deeper level.

Beauty however is only skin deep.  You may meet someone who ticks every box when it comes to the physical aspects that you find appealing, but when you learn their personality, their character traits; this can change your original opinion completely.

I could meet, for example, the twin of my celebrity crush George Clooney but if he was a member of the English Defence League, I would be off running in a different direction.   Because someone like that is not my type, regardless of how they look.

Physically, we are all attracted to different things.  Tall, short, average height, blonde, brunette, red head, long legs, large breasts, small breasts, broad shoulders, lean, a great smile, tattoos, piercings, fat, thin; the list could go on forever.

Given that we all like different physical traits, different personalities and opinions; can you imagine how ridiculous it would be if we did try to impose our preference choices on others?  Not only would it not work, but what you would essentially be saying is that everyone apart from your own preferred type did not deserve love.

Sounds absurd doesn't it.  Yet it happens every day.   Because girls grow up being told that in order to "get a boyfriend", in order to "be attractive", in order to be loved, they have to be thin.  If you are not thin, you are the booby prize.  You are the one night stand they will never admit to.  You are a fetish. Men who like you are labelled chubby chasers.

Can you imagine it happening to any other physical characteristic?  "Were you drunk last night?  You pulled a girl with brown hair".  Sounds ridiculous doesn't.

Well enough is bloody well enough.  I've had it.  People and their narrow opinions can quite frankly stick themselves and their bigoted asses where the sun does not shine.  I  refuse to be told that I am not "good enough" to be dated, that I do not deserve to be loved because I am fat.

The shape of my body may not appeal to some but it does to others and guess what?  That works the same way for everyone.  BECAUSE WE ALL LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!

Fat, happy, deserves love and is damn well going to find it.

Screw you Daily Mail Readers.

Where is the Love?

So, I just finished watching Cyberbully.

If there is one thing that I have learned being online it is that no matter who you are, what you do, what you look like and what you say, someone will always find a reason to send hate your way.  Not because you are fat, thin; happy; sad; successful; or down on your luck but because they are looking for their next victim and are trying you on for size.

This line from The Breakfast Club springs to mind and still rings true today:

Whether you are a teenager getting hassle from bullies at school, a blogger sharing your thoughts and photographs online or an actress who gets her stolen naked pictures made viral; someone who wants to hurt you will find a way to creep into your heart and afflict hurt.

So what do we do about it?  You cannot stop trolls.  A trolls is like a hydra, but on the internet.  Cut off one head and two more shall take it's place. 

I have had a small sharing of trolls.  On my pictures, on my blog; all pathetic creatures who have only one aim: to hurt me.  Having known how it feels to receive it, I cannot even imagine what a sustained onslaught would be like.

So again I say: what do we do about it?  My small part is this.  From now on, whenever I see someone who has been trolled, bullied or made to feel less than what they are online, I am going to send them love.  Whether I know them or not.  Just a simple message telling them that they are worth more than the troll who is feeding on them.

Will it stops the trolls?  Of course not.  But will it make that person feel better?  Maybe.  I know that it has for me in the past when people have sent me messages of love when I have received hate.  It helped.  It really helped.

All I do know is that I would rather send something positive than look, think "Oh no that's awful" and then scroll past.  Love is more powerful than hate. 

Whilst I may not know what a torrent of abuse feels like, and don't pretend that I do; what I do know is what is feels like when you are surrounded by a black cloud.  You feel like you are all alone, lost in a fog you cannot except from. But then sometimes, someone, even from the most unexpected place turns a tiny light on, and suddenly you have a new place to look, a new focus.

Anyone fancy joining me?

Language of Love

The word love is bandied about often, but frequently only used to describe the more mundane, without any real feeling behind it.  You might say 'I love coffee' every single day but when was the last time you told a person that you loved them? 

La Redoute carried out a survey recently and found out that 22% of the UK has not said I love you in over a year and that only 30% of people say it daily, despite that more than half of us feel special when the words are uttered.  These statistics surprised me until I tried to think of the last time I told someone that I loved them and I could not remember. 

I love many people in my life.  My amazing mum who at 74 only looks 54 and acts much younger than her age.  I can only hope to look as good as she does when I reach 74!  My sister to whom I definitely do not say I love you enough too and my best friend, who is my rock and has been with me through thick and thin, through good times and bad.

La Redoute was founded in France in 1922 and after coming to the UK in 1995, they discovered that the UK needs a little inspiration when it comes to the language of love.  With this in mind they have created the video, complete with 'Mr La Redoute'. 

This video shows messages sent from family and partners to their loved ones, spoken in French by 'Mr La Redoute' and then the author comes out to translate the message.

 I loved seeing the reactions and responses of the people who received their messages.  First, the slight bewilderment at being addressed by an attractive French man and then the delight when their love ones come out and gave the translation.

After watching the video the first thing I did was ring my mum and tell her that I loved her.  It is such a small sentence 'I love you' but it can have a tremendous impact and can really make somebody's day.  

"If you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud.

Otherwise, the moment just passes you by"

(My Best Friend's Wedding)

At the moment you can also fall in love with French style with La Redoute who are currently offering £30.00 off a £75.00 spend when you use code 8401.

*In collaboration with La Redoute

Body UNashamed

I was recently reading posts from the gorgeous George at Fullerfigurefullerbust and fantastic Kellie at Big Fashionista about a project that had been started by Penny of Lillies and Love called #bodyunashamed

This a project I would have loved to have been involved with alas I didn't see the tweet at the time which was calling for bloggers to participate.  You were each given a blogger to write three things that you find beautiful about them, and then share three things yourself.

Whilst I was too late to join the project, I have seen many people joining in with the three things that you like about yourself, so I decided to join in.  In a time when criticism against the way you look, act and what you wear seems to be everywhere, a little self love is not a bad thing.

My Determination

I have a strong will and determination which can sometimes lead to stubbornness, not my best trait.  However, that same determination has also helped me to quit smoking over two years ago through sheer will (which I will have re-employ as I have semi started again) and has helped me to break out my shell and enabled me to go to events, meet new people and travel to places on my own which I never thought I could do.

My Face

When I say that I like my face I am not being conceited.  There are many things that I could list that I don’t like about it.  The bright red freckle on the end of my nose, the ridge above my lips; my wonky eyebrow that is higher than the other; the gap between my teeth.  But one things that taking selfies has taught me is that you only get one face and you need to embrace it.  If I share a picture of my face on Instagram it means that I was feeling pretty when I took it.  That isn't something that anyone should shy away from doing.

Love your reflection, because you only get one.

My Hair

I have long fought against my hair.  I have been a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.  My hair has been curly and straight, long and short.  When it was curly I wanted it straight; but then when it was straight I thought it looked boring.

Over the past few months though I have stopped the fight.  My hair is thick, with a natural curl and looks best when I just let it do exactly what it wants and you know what?  It looks better now than it has in years.

The thing that I have learned from writing this post today is fighting against who you are and what you look like benefits no one, especially yourself.  Embrace what you look like, celebrate the person that you are; because there is no one else like you.

So there you go, that is my three things, what are yours?

Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day.

You never realise just how much of your heart you give away, until you get it back.  In my case, I didn’t even realise it was missing, I just thought it was smaller than it used to be.

Now much time has passed, the heart is back in place, pieced back together and the bruises healed; I’d like to say that I will be more careful next time, be more careful of whom I give my heart too.  It is a precious thing after all.

The truth is though; I have always given my whole heart.  It is the kind of person I have always been and despite the hurt that sometimes comes with that, one day I will meet the person that deserves to receive it.

On a random note, I now can’t stop thinking about the Ood from Doctor Who.  They hold their hearts in their hands too.

 

Friends for Life

I used to be addicted to the "Friends" series.  I still miss it.

I came across this on Buzzfeed, you may have seen it, but if you haven't, you NEED to check this out.

I came across all nostalgic!

31 Things Friends Taught Us About Life

Enjoy!

 

10 Day You Challenge–Day 6

Today’s theme is your top 5 food items. 

1.  I adore Italian food.  I recently to Jamie Oliver’s Italian in Manchester and had the best seafood pasta dish I have ever had.  Will definately be making a revisit. 

2.  Raw vegetables, I prefer them to cooked and could easily munch away on raw carrots by the bucket load.

3.  My mum’s cheese & onion pie.  I have never had a better one, anywhere.

4.  Fresh seafood is a big favourite of mine but especially crab.  Mix seafood and pasta and I am in seventh heaven.

5.  Peanuts.  Not particularly because I love peanuts but because they are a food memory of when I was a little girl and my dad used to buy a packet on a Saturday night and always leave out an eggcup full for me.  Miss you dad.

10 Day You Challenge–Day 2

Nine loves in my life – this one should be easy!

1. My family but especially my mum who look amazing for her age and is just as daft as I am.  Sometimes we laugh until tears roll down our faces.  She is a friend as well as my mum.
2. My friend family.  My close friends I love just as much as family.  We are a jigsaw puzzle that you maybe think won’t work, but we fit together perfectly.
3. The people I work with, especially my friend Wendy.  If you are spending the majority of your week at work, getting along with the people you work with is a necessity.  I am lucky enough to have a boss who looks out for me and my colleague who is the perfect match to share a room with. 
4. Writing/blogging.  This has come to mean more to me than I ever thought it could.  Especially when I receive messages saying that something that I have wrote, or a picture of myself that I have shared, has given someone else confidence to do the same.
5. Formula One – on race day, my heart beats to the drum of a Formula One car. 
6. Red lipstick.  Red feels like confidence to me, and when I wear red lipstick, I feel that I have an extra spark about me.
7. I love films. especially action and sci fi movies.  Horrors rarely scare me although you do get the occasional one that will find me hiding under the bed clothes at the end of the night.
8. The path I have put myself on.  I have come a very long way from the girl I used to be, and I am really looking forward to what lies ahead of me.
9. My dogs, especially my little dog Ellie, whom I inexplicably have nicknamed Sausage Monkey.  I adore that dog.

So there you go! nine loves in my life!

52 Lists - Week 4

This is a series of weekly posts. The idea does not belong to me and I have borrowed from Moorea Seal I have also seen that @boo_brown is also doing these lists and her blog inspires me too.

The idea is to post a different list each week to share with your readers and each other.

List your Current & Future Goals & Dreams

Hug more. 

Criticise less.

Be happy. 

Help my mum to continue to feel as young as she looks

Cherish the ones I love.

Find love.

Continue to gain and maintain confidence

Promote confidence in others

Remember that there are always others worse off than I and to celebrate how lucky I am.

Try to become less patronising when making a point!  (Yes Vicky, you know you do!)

Take an online course.

Say yes more.

Hesitate before saying no.

Find love (yes I’ve written that twice)

Laugh more.

See a Formula One race in a foreign country.

Go to visit the Tiger Temple in Thailand.

Try not to worry about things I can’t change and focus instead on the things that I can.

 

Where the Heart Lies

The off period of Formula One has seemed to be extra long this time.   Thankfully if you are on Twitter at least, there have been continuing updates and in the case of Lotus, a constant stream of entertainment and fun for the fans.

People either get F1 or they don’t.  But if you love it, it becomes a part of your heart.  For me, it is the love of the sport first and foremost, with supporting teams and drivers coming after.

I started my love of F1 very late (gnashes teeth).  Jenson Button in his 2009 season was the start of my viewing and my love of JB has stuck with me.  Everyone else in the sport has been harder to place, both teams and driver, although who I disliked has remained pretty constant.  Vettel & Maldonaldo, I’m looking at you.

My favourite team has at last been settled in my head.  I have always cheered for McLaren in previous years, but only for the fact that JB was in the team.  But McLaren has never set right in my heart.  My heart was taken by Lotus F1 Team in the past season.

Their fan interaction, both off and on season, the constant updates and photographs is what does it for me, as well as creating a race winning car and letting Kimi say and do exactly what he wants.  I would have loved them alone for the "#ImSexyandIKnowIt on Kimi’s car in winter testing. 

When it comes to the drivers, I have a few favourites, for different reasons.

Jenson for his warmth, his amazing driving and the fact that his winning year was also my first as a fan.

Webber as he says what he thinks, when he can get away with it.  I still think he would have been better at McLaren than Red Bull this season though.

Kimi – Two words.  Team Radio.  Enough said.

The last driver who entered my heart was a surprise, because it’s be fair here, he’s a bit of git.  But it’s Fernando Alonso.   He went up in my estimation when he joined Twitter and was sharing with his photographs and humour. 

The thing that sticks with me however is that you cannot deny that he drives the wheels off any car they give him.  I believe he was right when he said in one interview that he wasn’t racing Sebastian Vettel, he was racing Adrian Newey.  Vettel is no match for Alonso.

He is the person I want to win the driver’s championship this year as I truly believe that he was robbed last year.

You’ll notice that I haven’t mentioned Lewis Hamilton.  The truth is, although I wish him well in this new season with Mercedes, I have had such a love/hate/love/hate/love relationship with him that I’m done. 

So that’s it, my Formula One heart is set.   Whether you are a Red Bull fan, a McLaren, a Ferrari or a Lotus fan, I wish you all a fantastic season.  I think we’re going to have a good one.

The Snowman

There is one programme that I must watch every Christmas. Jo from Little Woman may have thought that Christmas wasn't Christmas without presents, but for me, it has to have The Snowman.
 

In a time where computer generated images fill our screens, where innocence is swept aside in favour of Sci-Fi, horror, guns, World of Warcraft, there remains this one little programme that every year thousands, in fact probably millions of people, even if they won't admit it, have to watch.
 

When it comes to movies, my loves are Science Fiction, action and horror (good horror that is, not Drag me to Hell for example). For TV, my tastes run to Doctor Who, Games of Thrones, Bones.  I like it action packed, exciting, scary, not innocent, quiet and calm.

The Snowman is perfect just the way it is.  It doesn't need speech, CGI or an hour's discussion afterwards of "What do you think that meant?".  I don't know whether children today would get it today or not, I'm not a child person.  But for me, it takes me back to being 7 years old on Christmas Day, watching in wonderment at the television.

So when I heard today that a sequel had been made, see here I confess that my heart filled with dread.  Just like I felt right before the opening ceremony of the Olympics started, there is one thought in my head.

Please don't fuck this up.

The Snowman is innocent, pure and beautiful.  I hear the sequel has a dog in it.  If it is powered by a rocket or can shoot snowballs at 20 shots a second, I am suing, well, somebody.

Everyone needs that bit of innocence in their lives, even if it is only for 26 minutes every Christmas. 

By the way Channel 4, just because you are showing a new version on Christmas Eve does not excuse you for showing the original too.   Don't kill my Christmas.  Thank you.

UPDATE
For UK viewers I have found out that the original is on on Sunday 23rd December 2012 at 6.25pm.  Woo hoo!!

 

Just the Way You Are

This is another in a series of "transformation" blogs I have been doing lately.  Sorry if it's getting boring for anyone who reads this, but I feel it important to write down and record my progress.

Looking back to where you have come from to where you are now is important I feel.  Not to look back and dwell on what was, but instead, realise how far along the journey you are now.

I was watching a vlog the other day done by the incomparable Betty Bee and she said something that really struck me and made me realise that although I have come a long way, part of my thinking is not as it should be.

On each step of the journey I have been on this year, from stopping smoking to starting a degree, from gaining confidence to banishing my all black wardrobe and introducing colour, the same thought has always been in the back of my head.

When I accomplish "this" I'll feel better about myself, when I do "that" I'll be happier.  What Betty Bee said was that you should like yourself the way you are right now, not when you have done this, this and changed this, but now.

What I realised after watching the vlog was that at the back of my mind, the thought has been that once I accomplish all my goals, once my head is straight, when I look a certain way, I will be "ready for the world", I'll be good enough.  

Looking back at one of my earlier posts, said that I was so close to the person I wanted to be that I could smell it.  Whilst that is true, I now realise that I have to be happy with the person I am now too.  You can't live your life waiting to be perfect.  Nothing is perfect.  Perfection doesn't exist.

Betty said that you should focus on the parts of yourself that you like and be happy with them, instead of focusing on the parts that you don't.

I'm applying a new mantra to live by:

From an Apple to a Berry

I was going to do a phone review for my new Blackberry 9900 but then I wondered if there was any point.  The phone has been out for a while now, there are tons of reviews out there already, written and video and all the information is at your finger tips. 

I’m a firm believer that if you are to commit yourself to something, particularly technology, you need to do your research first.  I hate the people that buy a product, be it a phone, laptop whatever and then complain after purchase that it doesn’t do this or that.  If you had done your research, you would know what you are getting.  I knew for example that the battery wasn't great and would need charging once a day.  Coming from a phone I used to have to charge twice a day, that didn't faze me.

The reason I decided to do this post in the end was the amount of people who have been surprised, some shocked at my decision to move from Iphone to Blackberry.  I don’t see my decision as shocking, although as it is my decision, I guess I wouldn’t.

I wrote The Defection a few weeks ago before I committed and bought the 9900.  I said at the time that time would tell if I loved it or hated it.  Would I miss the full touch screen, would I miss all the apps?  The answer, no.  I am in love with this phone.

My requests from my new phone were clear cut.  I wanted a keypad but still with a decent touchscreen.  I wanted to still have the apps I used to have on my Iphone.  I also wanted to still be able to have all my music. 

The 9900 suits me down to the ground.  I love the keypad.  The geek in me loves all the lists, the countless options.  Anything I want to do on the phone, it can tell me how.  I have a media card in the phone so all my music is there, and unlike with the Iphone where you might have to limit yourself to an 8G due to the price of the phone, with this you can have 64G for a the price of a SD card.

Everyone told me I would regret it, that I was crazy to change.  But come on people, it’s only a phone.  It isn’t a life changing decision.  You decide what works for you want and you see what is out there that fits your specifications.  You shouldn’t have to limit what you want to fit with “the brand”.

I am slightly worried about myself however, now and again I find myself just looking at it, stroking the keys.  I may need to go Blackberry addicts anonymous.  But who cares, it’s mine, and I love it.  Plus, now I get to see this every time, am a McClaren girl through and through.

I have a Girl Crush

Just a short post today and it's a blog recommendation.  Please, please checkout The Bloggess. 

I LOVE her.

If you are the type of person that thinks random thoughts, for instance if Jesus was resurrected, does that make him a zombie?  If you are the type to laugh hysterically at the things you shouldn't and have that little bit of crazy in you, I promise you will love her too.

Word of warning though, don't be drinking something while you read.  You will spit it out in laughter.

That is all.

I Want that First Hit

Soooo, was looking over the races for next year, well primarily of course  to see the BBC/Sky distribution.  Here’s the list, although if you are an F1 fan, shame on you if you haven’t already seen it!

	Race	Circuit	Date	Channel
1	Australian Grand Prix	Albert Park, Melbourne	March 16-18th	Sky
2	Malaysian Grand Prix	Sepang International Circuit	March 23rd-25th	Sky
3	Chinese Grand Prix	Shanghai International Circuit	April 13-15th	BBC/Sky
4	Bahrain Grand Prix	Bahrain International Circuit	April 20th-22nd	Sky
5	Spanish Grand Prix	Circuit de Catalunya	May 11-13th	BBC/Sky
6	Monaco Grand Prix	Monte-Carlo	May 24-27th	BBC/Sky
7	Canadian Grand Prix	Montreal	June 8-10th	Sky
8	European Grand Prix	Valencia	June 22nd-24th	BBC/Sky
9	British Grand Prix	Silverstone	July 6-8th	BBC/Sky
10	German Grand Prix	Hockenheimring	July 20th-22nd	Sky
11	Hungarian Grand Prix	Hungaroring	July 27-29th	Sky
12	Belgian Grand Prix	Spa-Francorchamps	August 31st-September 2nd	BBC/Sky
13	Italian Grand Prix	Monza	September 7-9th	Sky
14	Singapore Grand Prix	Marina Bay	September 21st-23rd	BBC/Sky
15	Japanese Grand Prix	Suzuka	October 5-7th	Sky
16	Korean Grand Prix	Korean International Circuit	October 12-14th	BBC/Sky
17	Indian Grand Prix	Buddh International Circuit	October 26-28th	Sky
18	Abu Dhabi Grand Prix	Yas Marina	November 2nd-4th	BBC/Sky
19	United States Grand Prix	Circuit of the Americas	November 16-18th	Sky
20	Brazilian Grand Prix	Interlagos	November 23rd-25th	BBC/Sky

The best races still on the BBC are of course Monaco, Silverstone, Spa, Brazil with Sky getting  Australia, Hockenheimring, Hungaroring and Monza. 

It isn’t a bad split, although am not happy that the first two races are on Sky.  Losing the first race is a real disappointment, it has become an institution with my F1 group of friends.

The race ritual of all coming together, drinks the night before, hot dogs during the warm up, waiting for that “Dum, dada dum dadadadada dum”.  The first race is always filled with a wave of excitement.  The whole season is laid out before you and it is a special feeling.  That first hit of the season after the Winter break, it’s intoxicating.

Going to a pub to watch the race just isn’t the same for me.  I have my race rituals, and they don’t include being in a pub.  Watching a race with the inevitable person in the back saying “They just go round and round” or my most hated “I could do that, there is no skill involved” is not going to play. I may not be responsible for my actions.

But, short of selling my soul to the devil or my body on the street I cannot afford Sky next year.  Am hoping to broker a deal with one of my F1 friends to pitch in on her Virgin deal so we can see the races the way we want to.

They say the best things in life are free, well in the case of Formula One, some of the best things, you have to pay for.

Not Goodbye, But Au Revoir

As another year draws to a close in the F1 season, I can’t help but ask, where did the time go?  Looking back, it doesn’t seem two minutes since the new McClaren was unveiled, and the butterflies started.

As always, this season has had it’s dramas, even despite the predictable Vettel winning so many races.  Even with that, F1 has a draw, a pull right to your stomach that makes you want to watch every race.  The “Dum, dada dum dadadadada dum” always gives me a tingle.  F1 is never predictable, anything can and does happen.

So what have the season’s headlines been?

• Next season’s BBC/Sky deal.
• The Hamilton/Massa feud
• Paul Di Resta’s first season – most definately Rookie of the Year
• Pirelli coming back to F1

You can’t deny that the combination of the new DRS system and the new tyres has been exciting, although even that combination didn't help Valencia.  Sky can have that race.

Hamilton’s bad racing form and multiple clashes with Massa has undoubtedly been a feature of this season.  Jenson on the other hand has thrived at McClaren and with a three year deal, you really feel that McClaren

is the place that he belongs and I predict great things again for him next season.

I used to love Massa, primarily for his little tantrum of “White visor, white visor” the other year which cracked me up.  But his tantrums and nasty comments about Lewis this season have irritated me.  Although with his position in Ferrari at the moment, I don’t blame him for needing to take the frustration out somewhere,  just not on Lewis!  I wouldn’t be surprised if part of his job next season is washing Alonso’s car (joke).

You can’t talk about this season without mentioning Red Bull.  This season has been dominated by Vettel and that amazing car.  You can’t deny that their car this year has been phenomenal, it’s just Vettel I have the problem with.

So now the season is coming to a close, with the championship, both driver’s and team’s already done and dusted.  Does that mean that the last rac, loses any of it’s lure? The answer for me is no. 

I love F1 just as much now as I did when I first started to watch.  Fast cars, racing incidents, driver arguments, tactics and the never ending question.   What will happen this race?

Formula One, I love you still.  Hurry the damn up for next season!!

Baby, Baby, Baby Noooo!

Question.  What is it about people when they have a baby.  The most normal person in the world suddenly turns into this baby obsessed, all they can talk about person.  Like they have just given birth to Christ or something.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of friends who didn’t turn into crazy people when they had a baby.  To be fair, they were crazy anyway, being my friends, but in a good way.

 

When a friend tells me they are pregnant, after the mandatory congratulations etc (am not a baby person myself, never want one but am not evil, I can be nice and say congrats) what I don’t tell them is that they are put on probation for social networking.

 

For the purpose of the blog, I will use Facebook as the social network of choice.

 

Things that are Allowed

• Telling people you are pregnant – it’s interesting, people will want to know and congratulate you.
• Scan photo – not something I am interested in at all, but ok, some may like it.
• Occasional pregnancy updates.  Please note this does not include tales of throwing up, heartburn or      anything gross.
• The first baby picture. 
• Afterwards, occasional, and by that I mean one every month, pictures of baby.

Things That Fuck Me Right Off

• Creating a Facebook page for the baby, including when it is still inside you.  It is wrong, it is stupid and if it sends me a friend request…. DENIED!!!
• Constant updates regarding how you are doing, particularly relating to morning sickness, sex life (yes I have seen pregnancy sex life updates) etc.  I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
• Once the baby is born, photos every other day.  Yes your baby is cute (hopefully).  No I don’t want to see it every day.  It’s a baby, WE HAVE ALL SEEN ONE BEFORE!
• Daily update reports.  Baby has smiled, giggled, had a baby massage etc.....

By the way, what the fuck is baby massage??  People have been having babies for thousands of years.  I have yet to meet a baby that said “Hey, you know what I would like?  A nice massage!”. 

 

I am probably coming across as the anti-christ of babies, which I am not.  I’m happy if you have had a baby,  I respect your choice to have one and appreciate how much you will love it.

 

The thing is, I don’t love it, I don’t want to see it every day and I couldn’t give a rats ass what it does until:

 

a)  It starts speaking and;
b) Actually, that's about it.

The Vodka Scooter

You may have seen this before, but it made me laugh so much am going to share with you anyway.  I didn't write it, but I wish I had.

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?'  As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house. 

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a “Vodka Scooter."

The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this >pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka Scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second questions after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.

An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?"

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific consequences.

Vodka Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tiptoe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the house or your downstairs neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit for the ladies or for the men, no jacket.

Vodka scooters........the wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on one??!!

Bad Bieber

I keep hearing news reports, well I says news, more like gossip sites headlines that Justin Bieber has recently tweeted, saying he has “bought” a tiger.

According to the reports I have read, he was visiting a zoo in Sao Paulo, Brazil when he tweeted a picture of a white Bengal tiger, saying “Look what I bought”. Hmmmm.  He is, apparently, and I say apparently because I have no interest in him whatsoever, quite fond of pranks so the news may or may not be true.

He was however the cause of my blog today.  Mainly because, me being me, I saw the headlines and said to myself, apart from the fact that surely his advisors, parents etc would have advised him against it, how could he possibly have a “pet” tiger in the US?  Turns out, unbelievably, you can.

In a world where three of the nine subspecies of tiger are now extinct, with the remaining six on the danger list thanks to hunt, deforestation, poaching and trophy hunting, how can you possibly justify keeping a tiger for a pet?

The Association of Zoos and Aquariums have estimated that there are up to 12,000 tigers being held in the US.  Considering that the wild population is considered somewhere between 3,500 and 5,000, this figure is astounding.

There are only (please correct me if I am wrong here) 19 states in the US that ban the private ownership of a tiger.  How in this day and age is that possible?
 
Just think about it, where you would prefer a tiger to be?  Here:


That’s where they should be.  Where they were born to be.  I can’t imagine the privilege of seeing a wild tiger, in it’s own habitat, living and doing exactly what it was meant to. 

Or, would you prefer to see it hanging on your wall or as a rug on the floor?  Being shot for pleasure?  Being killed and cut up to be used for Chinese medicines which have been proved not to work?

I know what I would prefer.

If you are interested in conservation and the preservation of the wild animals of this planet,  link on this link: Four Paws