I found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with much later than normal. Although, what is normal? In my case, I was 39. So yes, much later than the average let us say.
I spent years of my life having no confidence, no self worth. Having a meaningful relationship with someone is not really possible or at least certainly not healthy when you feel this way about yourself. I met men here and there of course and had a few short relationships, but nothing that I would have called one that would last.
I always knew the kind of man that I wanted to be with. Although I did not visualise him in my head other than the usual kind of physical attributes that you find attractive, in my case a good smile and taller than me; I knew the type of man that I felt would be the one. I somehow felt that there was just the one person for me, somewhere.
My lack of confidence aside, I also knew that this was something that I would not be willing to compromise on. I was prepared to walk alone on the winding path of my life forever if I did not find him. Nearing 39, I had reached a point where I knew that this was likely to be the case.
This is something that the people around me I think found hard to understand. I wanted a relationship, wanted to be with someone. I wanted desperately to fall in love, but I also knew in myself, somehow, that that one person would just come along and I would know. A fool’s wish you may say. Unrealistic expectations that would more than likely not be realised.
Looking back now, I realise that I would have been ready for a proper relationship much earlier than when I found him. I worked on myself for years, finding my confidence, my self worth, my voice. Being happy in who and what I was, was only a recent thing.
I do believe in fate, in the right timing and in trusting your gut. So you can appreciate, or maybe you can’t, that it felt like the stars aligned when I found myself, and then found him.
I had been on a couple of dates in the months previous, each of them ending with me running for the hills. One who admitted on the date that he was diagnosed with severe anger issues and was seeing a Psychiatrist about his violent behaviour and the other who was just, very very odd. Absolutely not my type, or my kind of odd (aren’t we all looking for our particular brand of crazy?).
I then started talking to this man online and from the beginning I had butterflies. He was handsome, but more than that he was interesting. He had thoughts about a million different subjects. He intrigued me in a way that I never have been before.