This is another in a series of "transformation" blogs I have been doing lately. Sorry if it's getting boring for anyone who reads this, but I feel it important to write down and record my progress.
Looking back to where you have come from to where you are now is important I feel. Not to look back and dwell on what was, but instead, realise how far along the journey you are now.
I was watching a vlog the other day done by the incomparable Betty Bee and she said something that really struck me and made me realise that although I have come a long way, part of my thinking is not as it should be.
On each step of the journey I have been on this year, from stopping smoking to starting a degree, from gaining confidence to banishing my all black wardrobe and introducing colour, the same thought has always been in the back of my head.
When I accomplish "this" I'll feel better about myself, when I do "that" I'll be happier. What Betty Bee said was that you should like yourself the way you are right now, not when you have done this, this and changed this, but now.
What I realised after watching the vlog was that at the back of my mind, the thought has been that once I accomplish all my goals, once my head is straight, when I look a certain way, I will be "ready for the world", I'll be good enough.
Looking back at one of my earlier posts, said that I was so close to the person I wanted to be that I could smell it. Whilst that is true, I now realise that I have to be happy with the person I am now too. You can't live your life waiting to be perfect. Nothing is perfect. Perfection doesn't exist.
Betty said that you should focus on the parts of yourself that you like and be happy with them, instead of focusing on the parts that you don't.
I'm applying a new mantra to live by: