Tuesdays with Morrie - My Thoughts

I recently read “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom.  It was a beautiful book which made me think about and reassess my life.  That is the sign of a good book.

It started me thinking about what we have in our lives, what we need and what we want.  Which are of those are necessary to our happiness and wellbeing; and which are not. 

It also made me think about the people in my life, those I love, those I like, those I don’t like.  The reasons for this.  About what relationships I want to cultivate and grow.  Those I need to give up on or forget.  Those I need to work on.

It made me think about what I have, that is actually important and means everything to me.

I have love.  That is the first and foremost.  Nothing will ever rival the moment that I first felt truly loved.  To be able to spend the rest of my life with the person that loves me most is a gift that cannot be measured. 

Love cannot be taken for granted.  It needs work, care, consideration and give and take.  Working on my love is something that is a lifelong goal and one I need to remember.  Not to take love for granted.

I have a home.  A real home that is mine.  A safe haven.   That is something that I always wanted, and now have.

There was a line in the book that really made me think. 

You have to be ready to die, in order to be ready to live.

What does that mean?  For me that means no regrets, no things I put off till “insert date”, no chances I should have taken but didn’t.  To have lived my life as best as I can, be as good a person as I can, be as happy and bring as much happiness as I can.  So, when that time comes, hopefully decades from now, I am at peace.

Morrie talked about not worrying about getting old.  That aging means learning, and the older you are, the more you know.   That is a good thing.  The more you have experienced, the more you have lived and enjoyed.

One thing that you could tell about Morrie was that he truly lived.  He experienced everything and let himself feel it all.  He let himself fully enjoy life and completely immersed himself into whatever he chose.  He listened.  He danced.  He cried, when he needed to.  He allowed himself all emotions and did not worry about what others thought of it.

He talked about it being important to recognize when a feeling such fear came upon him.  He gave himself an amount of time to experience that fear, let himself fully feel it, immerse himself in it; and then put it aside.  By doing this it enabled him to detach from the fear having let it have its time. 

This is such an important lesson to learn and one that many of us, myself included, do not allow ourselves.   Pain, fear, anxiety, worry; these are all emotions that I have run away from in the past.  Or experienced some of and then thrown into a box in my head and buried.  But buried things in your head can find their way out.  It isn’t healthy.

Tuesdays with Morrie taught me that I need to say yes more.  Say yes instantaneously.  Before doubt or worry or planning sets in.  Maybes rarely happen.  We have one life to live and it is our duty to live them to the fullest.

I can still feel the glow that I had after reading this book.  I recommend it wholeheartedly.

Fifteen Years of Blogging!

I don't make New Year's resolutions.  I find that doing so just means that I end up actively ignoring them.  But what I did promise myself last year is that this year, I would focus more on doing what I love and brings me joy.  For me, that is writing.

Writing is something that I have always loved.  It is my passion.  My writing has taken many different paths and led me on many different journeys over the years.  Writing and sharing my posts out into the world has helped me grow as a person, given me confidence and also given me an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

Over the years my blog has been many things.  A diary, a plus size fashion blog, a commercial posts blog and now, a place where I share my thoughts on whatever subject or current interest comes to mind.  I also have a continuing series of short stories, which I was surprised to find that I actually enjoy!

It is easy for life to take hold and for you to put passions aside.  I realised that last year I only wrote five posts for the entirety of the year.  I knew that that had to change.

Last year was a big year of chance for me.  Moving house and all that entails as well as working on myself as a person.  As a result of the personal work I have done on myself, I started this year with a happiness that I never known.  With that happiness, my desire for writing returned.

I have been so many different people during the lifetime of this blog and I think it shows.  What started as a diary of sorts to try and understand myself, changed into plus size blogging.  This gave me more and more confidence, where I had none before.  Sharing my journey into confidence, sharing photographs of myself and pushing myself out into the world, trying new things was a wonderful experience.

When I started plus size blogging, I wrote an email to the person who had inspired me.  A few years later, I received one of my own.  I cannot tell you how happy that made me and how it made me realise just how far I had come.

By this point I was working with clothing brands and I decided to branch out to writing commercial posts as well, which was a nice little sideline for a while. 

For personal reasons I decided to stop plus size blogging and commercial writing and for a few years after that, I lost my way a little with writing, with less posts every year than I ever had before.

I have been on a personal journey these past 5/6 years.  Some of this is documented on the blog, some not.  But I have taken more steps to find my own peace these last few years than ever before; and the result is the woman who writes this today.  Happy.  Fulfilled.  No longer plagued by demons of the past.

Now, I love my life, my partner, my job.  I sat down at my desk at work today and realising that I was smiling.  That is quite an accomplishment for a Monday morning!

So where will this blog go now?  What do the next fifteen years hold?  More of the same I hope.  More opinion and thoughts pieces, more short stories.  The world is open to me now, to take my journey wherever I wish.

I hope that you come along with me for the ride.

What Fictional Character Would You Invite For Dinner

 

Call me crazy, but Hannibal Lecter.  On the strict prior agreement that I would not be on the menu!

Thomas Harris’ character Hannibal Lecter is wonderfully complex and frankly, is someone who has always fascinated me.   He is a psychopath, undoubtedly.  Dangerous, absolutely.  But he is also one of the most interesting characters I have ever read.

Are psychopaths born or are they made from experiences that they had?  I think that the honest answer is probably both.  In Hannibal’s case, he was forced to watch his sister’s murder and then eat some of her body.  You could say that Hannibal’s lack of empathy stems from this very point.  He saw the worst thing in the world and never had feeling again. 

But there is more to Hannibal that the things he went through as a child.  He is extremely intelligent.  He is charming and can easily convince people to do his will.  He is fully aware of what he is and he enjoys it.  He luxuriates in who and what he is. 

He accepts into his world only what he wants, what gives him pleasure, even if that is human flesh.  He sees all other humans as either something to play with, or as food.  They are beneath him. 

But he has standards in who he chooses to eat.  Clarice interested him and he decides that the world is better with her in it.  He is more than likely in love with her, but that is buried deep.  He is capable of love but does not allow himself to feel it.  I think that may be the only safety net that he has.  Instead, he believes that he keeps her alive because she is a toy that he chooses to pick up and play with now and again.

What I find interesting is that Hannibal is not just a cannibal.  He also murders for pleasure.  He killed Benjamin Raspail because his playing displeased him.  But he had his fun by serving his organs to the Board of Philharmonic Orchestra.  Almost like serving up a gift to them, not only enhancing (as he would say) their meal but also by improving their orchestra.

Hannibal enjoys killing.  I have to wonder that if he had not given into these urges, the flamboyant killings, whether he would ever have been caught.   It is his need for admiration and showing off that gave him away in the end. 

He has to be noticed.  He expects to be noticed.  For all his lack of empathy, he has a need to be seen.  You will see me.  Look at me and wonder.   Almost childlike in that regard.

You can see why people flocked towards him.  Are intrigued by him.   Like I am myself.  He was created by both nature and nurture.  We will never know if he would have became what he did if his sister had not been killed in such a way.  But his tendencies for cruelty, sadism and his enjoyment of that, had to in some way been born with him.

I suspect that if you asked Hannibal Lecter whether he regretted his crimes, he would say no.  Because to him, he is above the law.  I believe that Hannibal would think of himself as no less than a god.   A god who did not need to explain himself, nor would he.  A god who made his own rules.  Lived above and beyond the rules and laws that us mere mortals follow.

There would of course have to be rules.  Many people would have to know he was invited.  He would not be the one cooking.  But I think it would be a chance to meet someone who is utterly unique.  One can only hope that there would not be many Hannibal Lecters in the world.  But it sure would be interesting to meet him.  With I knowing who he truly is and he knowing that I knew.  I think he would enjoy it.  A chance to once again, show off.

Who would you invite for dinner?  You don’t have to go to a weird angle as I did!