Bored of the Diet Talk

I know that I am not alone in saying this, because I have seen many fat positive women saying the same, but the typical New Years Resolutions of “I am going on a diet because I ate a turkey, four mince pies and a chocolate truffle over Christmas; I look horrendous” are this year, really starting to get on my wick.

Now I am, as you know, a fat person.  It is a part of me but not all of who I am.  I am aware of it and the impact that seeing my body sometimes has on others.  You know the types, either those who like to insult you; in varying ways of behind your back (or hiding behind a computer screen) or those jellyfish stinger types who say “Oh I wish I had half of your confidence!” 

Which translates to:

“If I was as fat as you, I would hide in my shed”

I like my body.  I have no wish to change it.  If others wish to change their body, be it because it is a New Years resolution or otherwise, then do it, but for the love of fuck, stop trying to involve me in your diet talk because I am not interested and what’s more, it is boring as hell!

I cannot count the number of talks I have been party to or brought into with regard to weight loss recently. Including before Christmas “With all I am going to eat this Christmas, lets all challenge ourselves to a weight loss competition in January”.  Erm, no.  That is ridiculous.

Weight loss is not a competition and we should not be compare and contrasting each others bodies in order to declare a winner.  If you want to change something about your body then change it, but leave others out of it.

If your self worth relies on the size of your stomach and the number on your bathroom scales alone, then perhaps your New Years resolution should be to love yourself more.   Because losing 10 pounds after Christmas will not change that. 

Here is a New Years Resolution I intend on sticking to.

Photo Credit

The Age Factor

Age and how you perceive it, is a funny thing.

I remember being 13 and thinking that I couldn't wait until I was 18 and I could do what I wanted. 18 was the epitome of cool to me then.

I remember turning 21 and feeling that I was "old" now.  25 was full of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" with what I should have done and be doing with my life.  Turning 30 filled me with dread.  40 was, and still is at my present age of 36, an unknown but daunting prospect.  But why is it a daunting prospect?  

What I have come to realise however over the past couple of years is that age does not matter.  

The only problem with whatever age you happen to be is the limitations that we and society as a whole place on us.  Our lives are governed by this invisible set of rules and regulations of what you have meant to achieve, be and look like at various stages in your life.

I remember being told when I was around 26 that I had better get a boyfriend soon because "You don't want to be left on the shelf".  A man said this to me in all seriousness; like I am nothing more than a thing to be bought, sold or discarded.

At 30 the kindly advice people went up a notch.  "You are getting older now, you need to get married and have children before you can't have any"  Apparently the fact that I have never wanted children nor have (yet) met the right man means nothing against the milestones and rules that we apparently have to obey.

At 40 you are told that you are "over the hill".  Well I don't know about you, but some of the most vibrant and fabulous people I know are in their 40s,

Fast forward a few decades and you are in the winter of your life.  Twin sets, purses, iron grey perms, slowing down.  Why?  You are old, not dead!  My mum is living proof that your 70s can be fun and fashionable.  You do not have to give up and change who you are just because you are a certain age.  Rock it!

Age: 36   Amount of Fucks Given: 0 

My Current Favourites

City Chic black dress, £79 / Michael Kors wrap dress, £55 / Hell Bunny green dress, £72 / Plus size dress, £49 / Avenue hi low dress, £47 / Bell sleeve dress, £19

Layering Up for Autumn

Autumn.  The time of year when the weather likes to play tricks with us.  It could be freezing cold in the morning, only for gloriously warm sunshine to appear in the afternoon.  We dress for one type of weather and on many occasions end up getting another.

So how do we combat this mercurial weather?  The answer is layers.  A mix and match combination of your Summer and Winter wardrobe that will work with any weather combination.  For me, as always, that starts with a dress.

I am still clinging frantically to all my Summer dresses, not yet willing to give them up just yet to be packed away for next year.  So at the moment, my go to combination is a light summer dress, with a cardigan, tights and ankle boots.  Whether the day starts cold and goes warm or visa versa, the outfit can be adjusted to suit the temperature.

Here is what I was wearing today:

Floral Print Sleeveless Dress *
Black cardigan - old
Tights - New Look
Flat Ankle Boots *

I have to make a special mention of the boots that I am wearing in these photographs as they are an absolute bargain at £19.99 and are so comfortable.  Your foot is completely cushioned and it feels like you are wearing slippers.  The dress is also a bargain at £19,99 and can easily be worn with sandals for those warmer days.

My Fat Shaming Week

Trigger - comments shared about fat shaming - having a much needed vent

If you are fat, this has been one helluva week.  From Nicole Arbour's video, to the usual backlash against fat people because of it through trolls who surged like a swarm of locusts in delight at being to hurt a little more than usual.  

Then there was the whole #PlusisEqual campaign from Lane Bryant whose message that it was time to represent the 67% of women who are unrepresented on billboards; only then to use "socially acceptable" sized models in their campaign photograph.

I cannot help but think that while Lane Bryant may have an inkling of what their message actually means, they are not brave enough to carry through with it.  Ultimately they want to sell, that is their business.  But I know I, for one, would have seriously considered buying from them if they have been truly representative.  

I am not going to lie, this week for me it has been hard being a fat woman.  Not because I feel any less confident this week or feel any less about myself; but more because going through this week has been like being surrounded by jellyfish, not knowing when they are going to sting.

It started by seeing the "Dear Fat People" video shared on my Facebook timeline, by people who I know, progressing by troll attacks on my blog and Facebook page following my post about it (see here ) which I spent all yesterday's lunch time deleting.  

Comments that I am "glorifying obesity" simply by existing on the internet, that I am a whale that needs to be put down, that I am a gross and disgusting woman who will never be loved and that I need someone to shut my big fat mouth (never going to happen fuckwit).

While I do get trolled occasionally, I have been lucky, if lucky is even the right word in that it doesn't happen too often.  So to find so many comments this week has been hard; although sadly I did half expect it because of my posting about a video that has been talked about worldwide.

This was also a week where I have been targeted by the general public more than usual too.  From the woman who openly laughed at me to her friend as I walked past (get a life and work on your own issues sweetheart), to the man who commented to his girlfriend that I had a pretty face, only for her to comment "Yeah but look at the fat!".  Insecure much love?

This week culminated in me blowing my top when a teenager passing in a car with her presumed parent shouted out of the window at me as I crossed the road "Oh gross, she is huge!".  I turned around, gave her the finger and screamed fuck off at her.  I was half expecting the mother to turn the car around and have a go at me for shouting at her daughter, but she didn't.  Hopefully she was ashamed of her daughter.  I know I would be.

This week now comes to the near end.  I leave it still happy in myself, still confident, still wearing bloody amazing dresses and feeling awesome while wearing them.  It also leaves me sad and hurt.  

Sad that there are still people who use fat people as a vehicle for clicks and subscriptions, sad that trolls get their kicks from trying to hurt others.  I am also hurt that people I know, as well as random people on the street think it acceptable to share hateful videos and comment negatively about me right to my face, or behind my back; as if either my feelings do not exist or they are of no consequence.

Next time you make a fat joke, next time you share a derogatory video that you think has no consequence because "fat people deserve it", next time you troll (ok, there is no hope for them), look into the eyes of the person you want to insult and ask yourself:  What kind of human being do I want to be?  Don't be a dick.

Dear Fat People - My Thoughts

WORDY POST

TRIGGER WARNING -  Fat shaming quotes shared from Twitter  - taken during #fatshamingweek

A couple of days ago a video appeared in my Facebook timeline.  Yes "that video" by comedian (and I use that term loosely) Nicole Arbour.

It has taken me a few days to process my thoughts about this video.  In one way, you have to hand it to her.  She pitched the video to be controversial and prime click bait.  The fat haters watch to nod, agree and cheer, the fat people watch the video to see what hated looks like this week and then the media gets involved and it snowballs.  She then takes down her channel, claiming Youtube did it, then reactivates just when she knows that people will be searching for it.  She has a business head on her, pity that she does not have a heart.

The video itself is, to be honest, a bit sad, pathetic and more than a little jaded.  She rolls out the old tired insults that fat people are "lazy, disgusting, inconsiderate and they smell" (of sausages apparently).  Maybe ten years ago those words may have been fat shaming comedy gold but now, sweetheart, I have heard more creative insults from a random man on the street.

She ends by saying that she isn't saying these hateful things to be an asshole (too late on that one), she in fact loves us "no matter what" but that she hopes that her "bomb of truth" so that people can enjoy us for longer on this planet.  She says, whilst completely dehumanizing fat people and talking about us as if we are no more than things, there to ridicule and insult for your entertainment.

Aside from the fact (pretty obvious but here is a research link) that fat shaming does not work and in fact can backfire badly (now there is a truth bomb for you Nicole); I have to wonder why anyone would think it would?

Here are a few comments from #fatshamingweek on Twitter (wait, I thought that it did not exist?)

Quotes taken from Blisstree

I was myself targeted by trolls especially that week, telling me the fact that I was fat made me worthless.

We are told that if you are fat, it does matter if you have an education, that we have low standards, that "fat means yes" (more than a little rapey) and that we should kill ourselves if dieting fails.

That is the thing though, fat shaming does not work, it dehumanizes people, it strikes a knife into their heart, causes depression far more than fat on your body ever could and can sometimes kill.

This video does not hold any power over me.  I have, as I have said, heard much, much worse and the blatant "subscribe, subscribe" comes across as needy and pathetic.  When I first saw it yes I was incensed with anger and hurt, but not from her words.  It was the fact that people who knew me thought it appropriate to share. 

Let us be clear, that video is not "satire" as many people like to label cruel things to justify themselves, it is not funny and is abhorrent.  What does hurt, is that people think it appropriate to share as if it was nothing.  Would you say these things to my face?  Would you label me a "thing" and disgusting and lazy?  Would you to my face dehumanize me to the point where I am simply a creature to be taunted?  Would you stand there, point and laugh at me.  No.  

The age of the internet allows us to share our thoughts and opinions in a way that we never could before, as I frequently do on here.  It also gave rise to the age of the troll and a place where one stupid video can give rise to yet another torrent of hatred; and that is dangerous.

So before you share a video or an article, think about what you are actually sharing and what sharing it actually makes you as a person.  I will give you a hint, it isn't a good one.

I will leave you with my current favourite, meme.  To all those who create these videos, think these thoughts and put them out in the world, ready to hurt:

Plus Size Bras

As someone who has had the need of a bra since the age of twelve, I am well aware of the trials and tribulations that you can go through when purchasing a bra.  

What I increasing found as my bra size went up over the years was the increasing lack of options that were available to me.  Pretty colours and patterns became less and less available with only the boring options of black, white and nude (if you were lucky) on display; the look of which was less based on style and more like your grandmother would wear.

As for a fitted bikini top or a sports bra in a larger size, don't even think about it!

If I wear to go on the highstreet to find a pretty bra in my size today, I would still be hard pressed to find what I wanted but happily, online is now a different story.  There are many websites which store the larger sizes of bras, sports bra and swimwear and I am happy to discover that colour, style and print are back!

Here are some of my favourites, with some of the ranges sizing up to a 46J.

1.  Elomi Swim Kissimmee Bikini Top up to 44HH  £42.00

2.  Underwired Moulded Sports Bra from Freya Bras up to 40H £38.00

3.  Pansy Print Balconette Bra from +Yours Clothing up to 46E £16.00

4.  Sculptress Green Sequin Bra from Evans up to 46J £39.00 

5.  Berry Red Pleated Bra from Evans up to 48F

Which one would you buy?  Personally I would have all of them!

Boots for Autumn

Curvissa recently contacted me and asked if I would like to try out some boots from their Autumn collection, along with another four bloggers.

My thoughts have been turning to Autumn and Winter a lot lately as the weather here has not exactly been all sunshine and blue skies.  So I jumped at the chance to try out some new boots and decided to go for the Extra Wide Fitting Boots * 

The boots come as an EE foot size fitting and are available in either an XL or XXL fitting.  I went with the latter as I wanted to be able to wear them under jeans. The boots come in either black, dark brown or cognac and have an 1 1/2 inch heel.  Happily, there is also a really good grip on the sole and the heel (Is it just me that wonders why so many companies put a good grip on the sole and usually forget the heel?)

I decided to show you two different outfits, one casual for a walk in the park and the other with my usual attire of a dress; and because I could not resist pairing the dark brown leather with burnt orange of the dress.

The leather is lovely and soft and after wearing for a full day out I can attest that they do not even need breaking in.  Practically unheard of in my shoe collection!

I would give them a five star rating as they are comfortable, style and will be a great staple in my wardrobe.

Curvissa have been nominated at the British Plus Size Awards for the best footwear retailer.  They would love your support so why not hop on over to the website and give them a vote.

In the meantime, please take a moment to check out the other fantastic bloggers involved in this five way challenge.

Nikki

Hollie

Katie

Emma

Fun in Blackpool

(Picture heavy post)

Last weekend I went away with my mum for a couple of days.  We both needed some fun time away so decided to have a mother/daughter weekend filled with good things.

I always say that my mum and I could laugh and have a good time wherever we happen to be and that was certainly challenged when we arrived at our hotel to find that it was a country and western themed weekend.  Both of versions of hell!  Typical of us however we managed to have a laugh, whilst being completely mystified by the stony faces of the line dancers.  I thought dancing was supposed to be fun!

Anyhow, we had some fun things planned, the first of which was a trip to the +The Blackpool Tower ballroom.  Here was my outfit, planned with a little vintage edge.  The dress is from Simplybe from last year and the shoes are from Joe Browns.  The bag is a charity shop bargain from Barnardos.

Here are some pictures that I took at the Tower Ballroom, including the delicious afternoon tea for two which was exquisite.  I highly recommend a visit, I paid £37.00 for two which included a table for two around the edge of the dance floor.

Me and my beautiful mum

Four types of sandwiches, scones, clotted cream, strawberry jam and cakes 

(plus a cheeky glass of wine)

A quick photo I managed to get of the stage between dances

Now at this point my post goes slightly awry as I had some lovely photographs of my outfit later that night at Cats with some pictures of the amazing stage but unfortunately, my SD card decided to eat them.  So I have recreated my outfit for you here.

My dress* is from the Scarlett and Jo collection at the House of Fraser and is currently on sale for an amazing £20.00.  Although I usually size down for Scarlett & Jo dresses, I went for my usual size in this one as the dress is lined.

I love the ribbon tie detailing and the textured print of the prom dress.  The length, although isn't shown on the website, I would guess at around 42 inches as it lands just below my knees and I am 5ft5.

I felt like a princess wearing this dress and recreating the outfit, I still do!

So that was my weekend, hope you enjoyed yours! x

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

The image that we see in the mirror is different for everyone.  For some, we see clearly what we look like, for others, the image is distorted.  The reflection looking back is viewed through a filter of society's expectations and with that, our perception of the way we look changes.

I have spoken about this previously in my post The Image in the Mirror 

What particularly interests me however is the way in which that society filter disappears when we look at our friends and the ones we love.  We do not judge them by the way that society judges us, we love them for who they are and we appreciate their own beauty.  We do not see the so called imperfections that we see in ourselves.

I was chatting the other day to a woman that I know well.  She was telling me about a brilliant night out she had been on with some friends.  She then proceeded to show me a photograph taken of her with her friends saying "Look how horrible and fat I look compared to them".

I looked at the photograph and saw a gorgeous, happy, smiling woman. 

A thought then occurred to me and I asked her to tell me what she would think if she and another person saw a photograph of me and that other person commented how fat I was and how horrible I looked.

Immediate anger crossed her face and she said something along the lines of "Just let them say something like that in front of me!"

This, right here, is the most complex issue that needs to be dealt with.  Thinking it completely unacceptable to insult me, a woman much fatter than her, yet it was perfectly acceptable for her to act that way towards herself.

This does not just happen between my friend and I, it happens everywhere.  Women judging themselves, picking apart their appearances and hating themselves for the way they look yet also simultaneously knowing that such hate is wholly wrong.  Two exact forms of hate, kept in a perfect balance, until you point it out.

Contrary to the popular belief, I think that people need to look in the mirror more, not less.  Get comfortable with the way you look.  Take that selfie, take a thousand of them.  Embrace that face that is uniquely yours and recognise the beauty within it. 

Look at your body, remember how far it has taken you, what it helps to you accomplish every single day.  Look at the things that you love about it.  Aside from your mind, it is the most precious thing you have and will be with you your whole life.

There are no wrong features and there is no wrong way to look.  Our uniqueness is beautiful.  The red freckle on the end of my nose that I used to hate and cover hastily with makeup is now loved.  It is distinctive to me and a part of me. 

Start that love affair.  

The Disabled Overweight (And Why We’re Not Unicorns)

Today on the blog I have the lovely Hazel guest posting for me from Frocktopus.  Hazel is talking today about size shaming and the disabled overweight.  This is a fantastic read and I am so pleased that she agreed to post for me.

As much as I don’t want to believe it, unicorns don’t exist. The nine year old inside me is crying just typing that. I on the other hand do exist, and as much as we all like to feel a little like we’re special snowflakes, there are literally millions of people just like me on this planet - I’m overweight and I’m disabled.

I’m writing about these things for the ever fabulous curved opinion today because this blog is all about body positivity and Vicky has written some amazing posts about the plus sized movement, which sadly goes hand in hand with talking about size shaming.

Often I’m essentially excused from size shaming, not because I’m of average BMI (on my scale of awesome fictional characters from Flat Stanley to Jabba the Hutt I happily sit just shy of Vicar of Dibley) but because I’m disabled. A fact people seem to forget when vilifying under/overweight people.

“That’s me!” I shout.

“Not you, you’re exempt” they blush. “Besides I don’t think of you as fat”

some of the nicer friends say.

“Do one” I say, hitting the Facebook block button, passive aggressive as ever.

These are people that would, quite rightly, be in uproar if someone said “But you can’t help being black” or “But I don’t think of you as a woman.” These are not valid excuses people, if you’re going to make sweeping statements and presumptions about a subset or society, it’s a good idea to stop, look left and right then think, can these people be expected to live up to my ideals, and should they be expected to?

Shaming people on the basis that 'people can do stuff but they won’t' is presuming you know someone's situation better than they themselves (something I regularly try to check with my ‘Am I being a dick?' filter.) Not everyone is able to cook healthy food, eat healthy food and exercise regularly enough to be an ideal weight. 

If you’re thinking a group of people aren’t doing something they should, it’s probably a good idea to take into account the subsets of that group that sometimes cannot physically do those things, be it by poverty, carpophobia or disability.

Another often touted belief is 'It’s wrong to have an unhealthy role model'. This is not only saying large swathes of disabled people can’t have a role model, it’s saying large swathes of disabled people can’t BE a role model, which is discrimination by omission (a law/rule/belief that isn’t specifically aimed at a subset of people but accidentally persecutes them more than average, for example losing job security for taking long periods of time off work discriminates parents by omission.) 

It’s important for all people to have someone that can make them feel like they aren’t a freak and that they can accomplish something great, whether that’s being an Olympian or getting out of your PJs by noon (FYI I am in my PJs at 11am writing this, I bet Tess Holiday’s in a fucking power suit by this time of day). 

This attitude towards over/underweight disabled people is not only pretty discriminatory but I do not believe it’s about health. Size shaming often masquerades as concern for health but it’s only a small portion of apparent health people can see on the surface.

Whilst I’ve been told probably over a hundred times in my life that I’m overweight, I have never once had someone in the street yell "Oi, Your blood sugar is low”. There are many ways people can be healthy and unhealthy (for example I’m teetotal) but there is an inordinate emphasis on extremes of weight due to societies revulsion.

Phobia and revulsion are very closely linked psychologically, that’s why when you have blood taken you’re sometimes asked to lay down on a table, because if you’re scared you don't faint, if you do it’s due to revulsion, even though the mind computes them both as the same thing. and what is concern? Come on, you know where I’m going with this, fear for another person. 

So body shamers,  we know you care, it’s just we don’t need your compassion/revulsion. What we need is for you to stop and think “Is this discrimination by omission?" "Am I presuming people I know someone's situation more than they do?" Am I being a dick? 

A Weight Loss Journey

Hello all!

Last week I put out a shout out on Facebook and Twitter asking for guest posts for my blog.  In particular what I was looking for were people's personal stories from people who either did not have a blog of their own or was not in their niche.  Something that they wished to share.

The beautiful Lindsay answered my call with this post which I share with you today.  I met Lindsay at +Betty Pamper's "Capturing the Curves" shoot and I can confirm that this lady is beautiful; both inside and out.

Here she is:

The lovely Vicky has asked her readers to guest blog about something important to them. So here’s mine.

Firstly I’ll introduce myself. I’m Lindsay, a 30 something married mum from Norfolk. I have a beautiful daughter, amazing husband, a seemingly perfect life. But the truth is for most of my adult life I have hated my body. To the point its had a negative impact on relationships, work and even with my family. I have been on various diets since I was 17. I have lost weight a several times and gained the weight back every time. The last 16 months I lost 6 stone. I hit my “target” in March of this year. Going from a 22 to as 12. So you may think great, end of story?? Wrong.

You see the truth is I was not any happier with myself. In fact I actually hated my body even more. I analysed everything I ate. Felt guilty constantly. I all of a sudden hated parts of my body, like my tummy that I’d previously not even noticed to the point where I’m embarrassed to say I took laxatives. All this anguish, this hurt, this unhappiness to be thin. To be that certain “acceptable size” then my life would be perfect right? Well I can tell you it's utter bull.

I became very poorly, mentally and in the end, I had to seek medical help. You see the size we are truly has no impact on our happiness. Anyone who say it does is lying. I mean its not like you lose weight and suddenly become a different person. You still have to deal with the same crap everyday. You just deal with wearing a different dress size. That’s it!

I remember back to Christmas 2013. Before I decided to lose weight. I was so happy. Enjoying some fizz, eating yummy Christmas food, excited about Christmas with my family. Then i took part in The Pampers and curves event in March 2014 and had a blast. But I still felt I needed to lose weight. Fast forward to spring this year, 6 stone lighter and I was miserable, insecure and stressed. My hair was thinning, my skin haggard and I had no energy. The health professionals said I was healthy. Was I hell!! I know for a fact I was healthier the year before!

So what’s the point of this post you wonder? Well I have come to the realisation that being thinner, being the ideal weight has not in anyway improved my life. I have discovered that it’s how we live our lives and who we live them with that makes us happy. I am not saying that if you want to lose weight you shouldn’t. Just don’t have any illusions that it will magic your life better. It won’t. I was happier fat!! Yup I said it!! Happier fat. When I wasn’t constantly battling with food, looking at myself in the mirror. Being quite frankly repulsive to myself.

If I can give any advice from my experience its don’t waste your life on diets. They just cause self hatred. I honestly believe there isn’t a single diet worth doing. They are all just trying to make money out of you. You actually losing weight and keeping it off is not there goal.

So I’m now going to really try to develop a more positive relationship with myself. I love all the plus size bloggers so I’m going to follow them. They are all so beautiful. I’m going to see myself that way. I am going to use my family and friends to seek happiness. Enjoy them.

It’s going to be a long journey. A difficult one I’m sure. But I need to, I want to change. I want to enjoy this amazing life I have. The size of my ass should not stop me from being happy. It’s ridiculous. A quote I remember from someone special to me.

“ Your body is merely a vessel to carry you about, 

you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are always enough”

Thanks for reading,

Lindsay  

Life Through a Gif

Bit of a random post tonight.

Late to the party as always, I have fallen a little bit in love with the animated gif.  

More than one of these endless "50 questions" type quizzes that go around and that I have completed in the past, a gif can perfectly express who you are and what you are feeling.  They say a picture can tell a thousand words, so I am having a go with a gif series!

I decided to share a little story that takes me from before I started blogging to now.  If anyone else wants to join in with this, feel free!

Before I started blogging

How I felt wearing anything other than black

When I read my first plus size fashion blog 
and realised that fat people are allowed to be happy too

Accepting a compliment

The Exact Moment I realised that I was now happy in my own skin

What I do now when someone tries to put me down
(because no one does it like The Rock)

I  put a shout out on my Facebook page and Twitter recently asking for people to guest post and share their own stories and perspectives,  First one up tomorrow!

Vicky xx

Changes at The Curved Opinion

One thing that I think most people struggle with when starting a blog is choosing the name.

Whether you want a catchy title, something descriptive or a play on words that reflects what you are about; we all start out with a idea as to the way forward in which we wish to take with our blogs and the name reflects that.

Source

When I started The Curved Opinion a few years ago it was with the intention of featuring plus size fashion and recording my journey into body confidence.  As you can see from my post last week, that journey is not yet at an end.

What I did not expect when I started this journey is that I would change so much from the person that I was.  Confidence has brought so many amazing things into my life and with them, my personality has changed so much. I am no longer scared to say what I think on a subject.  I always had "an opinion", hence the name of my blog; but I have never been able to voice it clearly or sometimes at all.

To be honest, if I was to bump into myself from a few years ago, I do not think that I would recognize myself; more on a personal level than a physical.  The outside has changed in so far as I now wear colour, but the inside is unrecognizable from whom I was.

Along with the changes in myself, this blog has evolved along with me.  I want to write.  Not just about fashion, but about anything, and everything.

I have found myself worrying over the past few weeks that my "plus size fashion" blog, had not had much fashion involved much recently and certainly nowhere near to the extent that I used to.  As my style has evolved into essentially lots and lots of patterned dresses, I cannot afford to always have new ones.

I also worry that I write too many "talky" kind posts (and here I am again) and that people will call me a sell out for writing the odd sponsored post.

I still want to write about fashion and will always blogs the new clothes that I buy and take part in group challenges, but there are so many other directions I want to take with this blog too.  I want to do a monthly charity feature post, I want to do a weekly "Thoughts of the Week" post on current events.  I want to do so many things now that I wonder, can I still call myself a plus size fashion blogger?

All the blogs I read are from plus size fashion bloggers and this will not change.  I worry that if I change my blog to being "all things under one umbrella" will people even still be interested in what I have to say?

I know we all say and I know I have certainly said to others that your blog is your own, to do with what you wish.    But admitting that in my current mindset I am more lifestyle and opinions than fashion feels a lot like leaving a safe cocoon that I love.  The thought of not calling myself a plus fashion blogger somehow terrifies me.  Except I am not leaving, I'm just branching out.

I don't even know if this makes any sense to anyone reading it, but these are thoughts and worries that have been spinning around in my head.  The meme below is essentially what I keep thinking about the changes I want to make.

In short:  I am not going to be writing about fashion as much as I used to, I am excited about also writing new things, I hope that no one thinks that I am sticking two fingers up at the plus size blogging community which I love beyond anything or that I am a sell out.

My confidence may have changed but I am, it seems, still a worrier!

I Won't Dance (But Still Ask Me)

I LOVE to dance.  Always did.  When I was in my early teens I used to have dancing lessons, learning the Latin American dances of the cha-cha and the tango and the classics like the waltz and foxtrot. I got up to my second Gold Bar before I stopped.  Looking back, I cannot actually pinpoint why or when I decided to end my lessons.

I started to go out to clubs when I was 16 and loved dancing with my friends.  We would stay out way into the small hours, dancing until our feet hurt.   We all had an active social life at the weekends for many years, but gradually, my participation on the dance floor lessened.  Again, I cannot pinpoint the exact time that I stopped, around my mid twenties I think, but this time I do know why; I got scared.  

The stares, the laughs; the comments, the ridicule at the fat girl dancing.  It did not happen all the time but regularly enough that on each night out I started to wait for it to happen.  

The fear of other people's ridicule grew greater than my love to dance.  

I stopped dancing and instead, I was the one stood on the sidelines, watching my friends happily dancing away.  Occasionally, fueled by enough alcohol and the combination of a brilliant song, I would join them; only for the fear to return and I would be back to standing at the side.

I do not want to be this way.  I have improved every aspect of my life through my growing confidence; yet my ability to go on to a dance floor still eludes me.  

The "dancing man" was recently in the headlines.  Ridiculed on Reddit for daring to dance whilst being fat (typical for the cretins on Reddit) his story went viral and only a couple of weeks ago he was thrown a party with thousands of people in attendance and with Moby as the DJ.    He has since been on numerous TV shows and appeared at a LA Dodgers game.

Would this happen to a woman?  It is perhaps a controversial question but somehow, I doubt it.  I have been fat shamed by many a fat man who does not seem to see the irony in this.  For some reason, it is more "wrong" for a woman to be fat than a man, in society's view in any case.

That said, the experiences of the dancing man warmed my heart.  It gave me courage that not all people in this world are horrible people,  That, with my new found confidence, it may be safe to once again go back onto the dance floor.

That is my mission to myself this summer.  Dance.  Without a care of who is watching. 

A Rail Affair

Many years ago, I got a new wardrobe for my room.  Looking back now, it was always going to be too big.  Like Alice in Wonderland, the furniture all seemed to be huge in a small room with me, like Alice, sat in the middle.

The wardrobe was so large that I could not even open one of the doors properly.  Sitting at the end of my bed, the only place that it would fit, I was able to open one door fully but the other only slightly.  Gaining access to everything was somewhat problematic to say the least.

The danger of building flat pack furniture is that by the time you have built it up, there is no way you are taking that sucker down again!

The thing is though, back then and until recently the past couple of years; it did not matter.  Why do you need to search through clothes to wear when everything is black?  When your work clothes are the standard black trousers, black top and your evening consists of a couple of black dresses and black evening tops?  It did not matter therefore that only half of my wardrobe was accessible to me, as all my clothes were the same.

Fast forward a few years and my wardrobe is full of colour, prettiness and wonderment.  No longer did I want to hide my clothes away in disgust.  I decided to do away with my wardrobe and have a rail put up instead.  More room and some of my dresses would be on view.

This view makes me smile every morning when I wake up.  Not because I am thinking "Look how many dresses I have" but instead "Look how far I have come".

When you have limited space in a bedroom it is always better to look for clever storage and units that do not take up much room 

Charity Challenge

Hello all,

I have a question for you today.  I have promoted charities on this blog before such as Ugly Mugs and Capes for Heroes and would like it to become a monthly feature.  I have a passion for promoting smaller charities, the kind that people generally do not know about but also sharing people's stories on how they cope with potentially life threatening illnesses.

What I was wondering was whether anyone else would like to join me in this monthly feature.  The idea would be to each month promote a different charity, either one which is close to your heart, a smaller one that does amazing work or promoting a blog/website that aids, supports or provides help to people.

If you are promoting a charity, the idea would be to provide at the end of your blog the ways in which people can donate.

If anyone wishes to do this monthly challenge. please comment with your blog address and email or alternatively email me on vicky@thecurvedopinion.com and I will get in touch with the date for posting and everyone's details.

Vicky xx

                                           Facebook / Twitter / Bloglovin / Instagram

Plus Size Separates

I recently bought and shared on the blog a gorgeous organza check skirt from +Simply Be which you can read about here 

My style over the past couple of years has evolved to the point now where I wear a dress every day, usually with some sort of print and frequently floral.  Feminine with a nod to 50's styling is my thing and I do not stray from it often.

My purchase of this skirt was an impulse buy as I fell in love with it immediately, however I did not really know how to style it, with the skirt being out of my usual comfort zone.  Straight edges, black and a separate; not my usual wardrobe choice at all.

As such, I ended up styling the skirt in my usual feminine way with sandals, a v neck and pretty necklace as you can see below.

I was going out for a meal today and came across the skirt in my wardrobe and decided that today, I wanted to do it justice.  Channeling the fabulous style of MrsBeBe and using pieces from my wardrobe (and my new fringe), I went with the below.  

Black jumper (past season)
Neon necklace - charity shop
Organza check skirt
Black ankle boots - previously reviewed here

I believe that it is important that we always challenge ourselves when it comes to fashion.  Try things that you ordinarily would not and in my case, returning to colours like black that I had previously banished.

One thing that I will still maintain is that I am no longer a pants and top kinda gal.  I wore trousers and a top for a full day last week and I was so uncomfortable!  Long life the dress (and the separates on occasions).

Facebook / Twitter / Bloglovin / Instagram

We Are The They

I am very late in writing this post.  I have been off social media for a while for personal reasons but this half finished blog post has been languishing in my drafts for a while now.  I can stop tweeting, stop using Facebook and checking my emails; but the urge to write stays with me so here you have my thoughts today.

Unless you have been living under a rock, you will no doubt have seen on Twitter the explosion that has been the #WeAreTheThey hashtag.  It started from a wonderful idea of Debz at WannaBe Princess after the comments of the professional rent-a-gob, sorry, "singer" Jamelia and later, Fiona "my career is so shit I now have to advertise the postcode lottery" Phillips.

They are both in agreement that people under and over a certain weight (qualified as under a 6 and above a 20 by way of an "apology" from said rent-a-gob) should have to shop at specialty shops rather than the high street as:

They should be made to feel uncomfortable when they can't go in and find a size

I am tired.  Tired of fat people being the last socially allowed prejudice in society.  The problem is that it is not just the atypical prejudiced people; those who used to be openly racist and homophobic (and whom probably still are behind closed doors) who fat shame, insult, criticize and attempt to humiliate others, it is society as a whole.  

Hate against fat people is an epidemic which will not go away overnight and will not unless the subject is discussed more and hashtags like #WeAreTheThey are publicized.

As a fat women I am told that I can have a pretty face but my body "ruins it".  I am presumed to be stupid, have ill health, be lazy and be an out of work "benefit scrounger".  I am none of these things but it should not matter if I was.  I am a person, deserving of the same respect that everyone gets.  I am not a sub species.

I am tired of the number of your dress size being the way in which you are defined and treated.


I am tired of people telling a fat woman that she is "brave" for wearing a sleeveless dress, a shorter hemline or brighter colours.  She is not brave, she is merely confident in how she looks.  She has a good body image.  If you cannot do the same, find your confidence; do not disparage others for something that you wished you possessed, but do not.

That, in so many ways is what fat shaming really boils down to.  Why some many people are angry about something that effects them in no way, shape or form.  Why other people's bodies are allowed to be insulted open season.  It is jealousy.  Not because they wish they looked like you or had the same body shape, but because they wish they had your confidence.  Your positive body image.  Your happiness.

How many people do you know who own the body they have?  Who does not want to change their body/face/shape/weight.  Our bodies are constantly being compared, both by ourselves and by others to what is termed as the perfect body or as Protein World might put it "Beach Body Ready".

Time and again I see wonderful things happening in the plus size blogging world.  I see readers who (like me once) read plus size blogs and want that confidence for themselves.  The over time the comments of "I wish I had the confidence in myself to wear that" become "here is a picture of me wearing what I never thought I could".

I see women who have previously let society define who they are and how happy they are allowed to be, emerge like a butterfly coming out of a chrysalis into happy, confident women.  It is inspiring and beautiful to watch.

#WeAreTheThey is not just about women under a size 6 and over a size 20, it has been become about all women, taking a stand and refusing to let others tell them that the way that they look is wrong.  You are entitled to your own happiness.  Do not EVER let someone tell you that you aren't.

Summer Nights With Curvissa

Despite the current cold snap we are having, my thoughts at this time of the year always turn to Summer holidays.

Being a woman that likes to dress up, my favourite time of day whilst on holiday is when you have finished with a day of sunning yourself by the pool and you get ready for a perfect Summer night evening with a cocktail whilst the sun sets.

Curvissa challenged myself and four other bloggers to choose an evening maxi dress to style and I chose the Buckle Waist Maxi Dress *  which is available in a fantastic sizing range of  10 - 32.

When it comes to choosing a maxi dress for the holiday season I look for a bold print with breathable fabric and a nice length that will enable me to wear either heels or sandals depending on where I wish to wear it.  

The bold green print (also available in coral) is a real winner for me and the gold buckle detail adds an additional elegant touch to the dress.  Happily the dress also comes with pockets which is a particular favourite of mine, especially when you do not want to be laden down with a cumbersome bag.   

I have worn the dress today as I would wear it for an evening out.  I have added a crochet shrug (perfect for when the sun sets and the nights can turn a little chilly), a red crystal necklace to give a contrast colour and some black peep toe heels.

Having worn Curvissa pieces before I knew to size up with this maxi dress.  The buckle waist maxi dress is available in split sizes and I would advise you to go with one size up. 

I love the beautiful print of this dress and the length. I have given the dress a 4.5 rating as the sizing was a little bit off, but once you have the fit as you like it, this maxi dress will fit into your Summer wardrobe perfectly.

Check out the other bloggers who have been trying out Summer evening maxi dresses:

She Might Be Loved

Nerd About Town

Just Me Leah

Sarah Is Smiley

Vicky x
Facebook / Twitter / Bloglovin / Instagram

* This item was gifted to me but all opinions are my own