When Familiarity Breeds Complacency

 They say familiarity breeds contempt.  I say that it breeds complacency.

We are in an age now where job security is not a sure thing.  Where people change jobs every two years, chasing a higher wage, different benefits.  But what about those who stay in the same job for years?

You may be in a relationship for a decade or two, but are you happy?  Or is it just what you know and it is easier?  Are you making yourself unhappy because you are too scared of being alone?

In relation to behaviour, you may have grown up a certain way and you act in accordance with that, but does that not mean that you can change?  Questioning the way you have always acted can be intimidating.   It is has worked for you so far, why change?  But what if the change will make your life better?  Make you better.

The new can be exciting but also terrifying.  It is an unknown quantity threatening to enter into your space.  A space that you know well.  That is safe.  It is what you know.

I have experience with some of these.

I was with my previous employer for twenty-five years.  I had grown up there; it was safe and familiar.  I had a fantastic boss.  But.  The work had changed and was hurting my soul.  The business had moved to somewhere inconvenient.  The money was not what I wanted and was not likely to change.  My partner questioned frequently why I stayed.  My answer was always; it is home.  But the truth was, it wasn't anymore.

Then one day I was approached by someone from my current employer, suggesting a move.  Something in the stars that day made me think.  Made me question what I really wanted to do and what I wanted to achieve. 

My job then was a safe cocoon, but was I still happy?  I decided to make the leap of faith, knowing it was right and that I could do this.  I was ready.  Although there were many tears (from me) when I left, it was absolutely the right choice.  I do not regret it for a second and have been so happy in my new employ.

The second experience is how I act.  How you act and react is often formed early on.  Behaviours are learned that are not always healthy.  Now that I have reached a time in my life where everything is good, those behaviours need to change.

I apologise too often.  I put myself down too often.  I wait to see someone’s reaction before I allow myself my own.  I am scared of rejection and can be like a puppy begging for affection.  All of these things are learned behaviour, but I know are not what I was meant to be.  Who I was meant to be.

Hard wired reactions are hard to change.  But the answer is slowly.  Step by step.   Day by day.

I pause a lot now before I speak.  Before I rush out an unneeded apology.  Before I put myself down.  I have noticed since doing this that I even used to put myself down first, before mentioning something good that had happened to me or something I had achieved.

A prime example of this was this weekend.  I was at a spa with friends and I was talking about a post that I had written with my friend, while we were getting a facial.  She said that I was a writer and I was good at it.  I immediately tried to diminish.   Saying no, I am just a blogger.  I write part time.  Just bits and pieces.  It was an immediate reaction that I could not take back.

But I am a writer.  Yes, I do write part time, but it is my passion, my love.   It is my vehicle for words that may not come out of my mouth, but are in my head.  My words flow freely through my fingers when I write.  It is a natural.  It is freeing.  It is mine. 

If someone likes my writing, then that is wonderful.  But it is not why I write.  I write because I want to.  Because I need to.   It is in me.

Now, when someone asks me what I think, I try not to predict their reaction before I answer.  I also try not to give them the answer or reaction that I think will please them the most.  I am more honest. 

These are all things that I am still learning, still trying to do.  It is hard to rewire learned behaviour, but it is possible.

I don’t know about you, but I have been at so many stages in my life, and I am a very different person to the girl I once was.   Every step, every change, you do not notice while it is happening; but then you look at yourself one day and you are not the same person.

Courage.  Courage is key.  It is about giving yourself a chance.  A chance for more, a chance to be a better version of yourself, a chance to expand your life.  A chance to be happier.

I welcome new things into my life now.  Changing the immediate no, to a maybe, to a yes, to a hell yes.  When you open yourself up to new things, the possibilities and rewards are endless.

Happy New Year!

I am writing this blog to you sat in my room in a house in Kendal with the same friends that I go on holiday with each New Year.

Times change, the world turns, lives move in different directions but in the end, we all remain the same to each other.  Friends that have stood the test of time.  We are all different in many ways, but the bond we have holds us together and I hope always will.

I am never more myself than I am with these people.  This time together at New Year is like a long slow exhale, my shoulders relax to a point where I realise how tense they were before; I am silly and happy.

We all revert to the same college years mentality, despite never actually all going to school together.  Sharing a meal, arguing about what film we want to watch next, throwing death stars at each other after one too many beers.

Death stars by the way is a game we came up with during our New Year break a couple of years ago.  Freezing the chocolates of the Quality Street box that you don't like and then throwing them at each other.  Like I said, reverting to college years mentality.

These people accept me for who I am.  They do not want to change me nor want me to change.  

Every year we hear so much about New Years resolutions.  They all revolve around changing yourself in some way.  Whether it be stopping smoking or losing weight; changing our character and resolving to be "a better you".  What is a better you exactly?  What is wrong with the way you are now?

There is nothing wrong with making these resolutions but it is important that you are wanting to make these changes for the right reasons.  Are you happy in yourself or it is society or those around you that think that these changes need to be made?

Changes have to be made when you are ready to make them, should they need to be made in the first place.  I plan to stop smoking next year.  This is not a New Year resolution.  It is plan that I intend to implement at a point that I am ready to do so.  

There is nothing like the pressure of feeling like you have to accomplish or start something by a certain date to put you off completely.

How about this for for New Years resolutions that we all need at some point?  Be good to yourself.  Remind yourself to put yourself first more.  Realise that although bad things can happen, you have been through bad times before and you have got through them.  You will get through them again.

Cherish your family and friends.  Bring yourself closer to the people who love you for the way you are, not the ones who wish to change you.  Realise that some relationships cannot be saved and move on.  

I wish you all a very happy New Years Eve and a very happy 2017.

Vicky xx

Changes at The Curved Opinion

One thing that I think most people struggle with when starting a blog is choosing the name.

Whether you want a catchy title, something descriptive or a play on words that reflects what you are about; we all start out with a idea as to the way forward in which we wish to take with our blogs and the name reflects that.

Source

When I started The Curved Opinion a few years ago it was with the intention of featuring plus size fashion and recording my journey into body confidence.  As you can see from my post last week, that journey is not yet at an end.

What I did not expect when I started this journey is that I would change so much from the person that I was.  Confidence has brought so many amazing things into my life and with them, my personality has changed so much. I am no longer scared to say what I think on a subject.  I always had "an opinion", hence the name of my blog; but I have never been able to voice it clearly or sometimes at all.

To be honest, if I was to bump into myself from a few years ago, I do not think that I would recognize myself; more on a personal level than a physical.  The outside has changed in so far as I now wear colour, but the inside is unrecognizable from whom I was.

Along with the changes in myself, this blog has evolved along with me.  I want to write.  Not just about fashion, but about anything, and everything.

I have found myself worrying over the past few weeks that my "plus size fashion" blog, had not had much fashion involved much recently and certainly nowhere near to the extent that I used to.  As my style has evolved into essentially lots and lots of patterned dresses, I cannot afford to always have new ones.

I also worry that I write too many "talky" kind posts (and here I am again) and that people will call me a sell out for writing the odd sponsored post.

I still want to write about fashion and will always blogs the new clothes that I buy and take part in group challenges, but there are so many other directions I want to take with this blog too.  I want to do a monthly charity feature post, I want to do a weekly "Thoughts of the Week" post on current events.  I want to do so many things now that I wonder, can I still call myself a plus size fashion blogger?

All the blogs I read are from plus size fashion bloggers and this will not change.  I worry that if I change my blog to being "all things under one umbrella" will people even still be interested in what I have to say?

I know we all say and I know I have certainly said to others that your blog is your own, to do with what you wish.    But admitting that in my current mindset I am more lifestyle and opinions than fashion feels a lot like leaving a safe cocoon that I love.  The thought of not calling myself a plus fashion blogger somehow terrifies me.  Except I am not leaving, I'm just branching out.

I don't even know if this makes any sense to anyone reading it, but these are thoughts and worries that have been spinning around in my head.  The meme below is essentially what I keep thinking about the changes I want to make.

In short:  I am not going to be writing about fashion as much as I used to, I am excited about also writing new things, I hope that no one thinks that I am sticking two fingers up at the plus size blogging community which I love beyond anything or that I am a sell out.

My confidence may have changed but I am, it seems, still a worrier!