Be Kind

Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.  Mark Twain

It has been over six months now since we made our New Years Resolutions.  The promises that we make to change things about ourselves.  Those changes are rarely made and by this point in the year, most of us have even forgotten what they were!

I do not believe in New Years Resolutions.  The gym membership that you forget about after month two.  The three books a month you promise yourself you will read, but don't.  That glass of wine on a Friday after work that you swear you will cut out (who are you kidding?).

Instead of thinking of ourselves and making promises we cannot keep, why not simply set ourselves a new challenge.  Be kinder to others.  It isn't hard to do and unlike that gym membership that is still coming out of your bank despite you not setting foot there for months; it will make you feel better.

There is a saying "treat others as you wish to be treated yourself".  I believe that the best way to be kind to others and be more selfless is to instead treat people the way you would want a beloved family member to be treated.  Pick the favourite person in your family: your mother, your grandpa; your auntie.  Think about the way you would wish a stranger to treat them, and act that way.

I have found that treating others as I would want a loved one to be treated has subtly changed the way that I interact with strangers.  For example my mum is 76 and sometimes struggles with the high bus step.  For this reason I always linger now if I have an elderly person behind me when I get off the bus, just in case they need a hand.  Because my mum would never ask for help with that, but she would appreciate it.

Visit your elderly neighbour living alone because you wouldn't want one of your grandparents to be living alone and lonely.

Ask the person upset on the street if they are ok, because you wouldn't want your sister to be upset alone.  Sometimes just a simple "Are you ok" showing you care means the world to someone when they are upset.

Carry a spare pound coin in your pocket for that occasional person who has no change in the car park. Let's face it, that has been all of us once.

All of these things take no time or effort, but can mean the world to someone else.  Go out into the world and be kinder.  It will make your heart happier.

Infograph courtesy of NRA Healthcare 

Festival Fashion Outfits

I love ankle boots.  You can wear them for so many occasions, be it Winter or Summer, casual or dressed up.  

You can throw a pair on with some jeans when you are running out to the shops, put on a chunky pair with a floaty dress (perfect for festival fashion) or wear an elegant shoe boot with a cocktail dress.

With all the amazing Summer festivals coming up, I thought that I would pick out some dresses and boots that you can wear.

Fringing and aztec print is huge for the festival fashion this year.

Boots - JD Williams £45.00

Dress - Asos £65.00

A short and fun prairie style dress with cowboy boots.  You can't go wrong.

Dress - Asos £20.00

Boots - JD Williams £45.00

I love this peep boots and a cute playsuit will look great at a festival

Boots - New Look £59.99

Playsuit - New Look £17.99

Dressed to the Max

I was recently invited to go out with a group of friends for a Saturday afternoon jaunt.  We are talking cocktails in the afternoon in the city, dinner somewhere fabulous, more cocktails in the evening. Right up my street.

But my second thought after replying hell yes is "What am I going to wear?".

A posh part of the city, later afternoon to early (or more likely late) evening; comfortable enough to deal with the hour's travel there and back; stylish enough to work as an evening outfit, casual enough not to look overdressed at 3.00pm.

My decision?  A maxi dress.  A maxi dress can and does tick all the right boxes for what I want.  Here are a few that I have been looking at.

I am loving this Braintree Dress  It just screams Summer and can be worn with either flats or heels.  I particularly love the waist detailing and at £60.00, it won't break the bank.

OK.  I admit it,  This dress is not on brief at all.  But just look at it.  This piece of gorgeousness can be found from Maiocci and it is an absolute steal at £59.40.

Another flower print dress, you know how I love them.  Although beautiful, I think this one is leaning more to the formal side than the casual.  Although I may keep this mind for any Summer weddings.  You can find it here on sale for £62.30.

You cannot go wrong with black and white and I love the Aztec feel of this dress.  It is priced at a very reasonable £34.50 and you can find it at the House of Fraser 

So, which one should I pick?

Working 9 to 5

I have a confession.  

I have an obsession about stationary; notepads in particular.  I must have around a dozen at home, all hardback and beautifully designed with thick, clean white paper within.  All unused of course, because I cannot bring myself to crack the spine or mar the paper with ink.  

When I want to actually write something down, I type it.  I am a freak, I know.

I think that it was the love for stationary and my penchant for typing everything that led me to have an office based career.  I am a 9 to 5 woman, but unlike Dolly Parton's song, I do actually love my job.

There are so many stereotypes about working in an office, some true, some not, but here are some of the tips and tricks for survival in an office environment that I have picked up over the years.

How To Get Along With Getting Along

There are so many different kinds personalities in a work place.  Some people may become your friends whilst others may drive you up the wall.  What is important to figure out is who you can trust and more importantly, who you cannot.

Stay away from the office gossip and stay out of any drama as best as you can.  There is no harm in keeping your ear to the ground, but indulging in office politics and disputes will not endear you to the management and is not conducive to a pleasant working environment.  

Get Comfortable

Most firms these days carry out Health & Safety checks in the work place, even at your desk.  Things like getting gel supports for your wrists whilst typing, having enough distance between yourself and your screen monitor and having a chair with good back support are essential.  Sedentary jobs can cause back issues later down the line so it is important to ensure that you are seated well and are fully supported.

Have Fun

Happy people make a happy office.  Arranging a social event with colleagues every few months can bolster work relationships and boost the office morale.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Working in an office environment can sometimes feel like living in a fish bowl.  Small day to day issues can be magnified and disputes can arise from the silliest of things.  The best tip I can give you for this is to keep your eyes on your own job.  If Brian from accounting is turning up late every day, that is his downfall not yours.

Do you have any tips for a office happiness?

* Sponsored post

Good Memories

Clothes, are not just clothes.  They hold memories.  Good ones, bad ones, great ones, momentous ones.  

A first kiss, a last kiss; a great night out with the girls, a New Years Eve to remember; the day that even a scathing laugh at your size could not kill the "I feel fabulous in this dress".  

Every night I go through my wardrobe (ok, two wardrobes) and choose what dress I want to wear to work the next day.  Tonight, I came across this dress.

This dress has wonderful memories for me.  It is the first dress I ever wore (in my adult years when I had a choice) that was patterned.  Had bright colours.  Was feminine and floaty and beautiful.  

Up until that point, my entire wardrobe was black.  I remember choosing to wear it for a party, terrified that everyone was going to be looking at me, the wrong way.  I took forever to get ready; changing accessories, changes cardigan; changing my hair,; changing my makeup.

I had decided to use the dress for a blog post, seen here, and you can see the joy on my face when I wore this dress.  The wonderment that I was even wearing it.  I went to the party and felt amazing.  After the initial shock of seeing me in something that was not all black, my friends loved it.

That was just over three years ago now.  Although years in time, it feels like decades.  I wish it wish.

I have changed into a different person in that time.  Someone who isn't afraid of wearing what I want.  Someone who wears a dress every day, so different from the black pants, black top girl that was invisible.  I am not invisible anymore, certainly not in the different pattern I wear every single day.

But is more than that, I no longer want to be invisible.  I want to be seen.  This is part of who I am.  I would not have it any other way.

Don't wait, like I did until you are 33 to wear the clothes you want.  To feel that you are allowed to.  To feel confident.  To say "to hell with what (some) others think".  

Clothes are not just clothes.  They are a physical manifestation of our personalities.  You have one.  Let it SHINE.

Summer Sandals - The No Budget Edition

Whilst writing my Summer Sandals Essentials Guide last week, my eyes could not help be drawn to the more expensive shoes and sandals sections.

If you decide to treat yourself to a pair of designers shoes, my tip would always be to chose something classical and not to complex.  You don't after all want to spend hundreds of pounds on a pair of shoes, only to find that they only go with one outfit!

These are my favourites sandals that I have been looking at over the past week, all of which could fit into any wardrobe whilst still eluding a sense of style of glamour.

Michael Kors £55.00

I just adore these Michael Kors Sandals.  They would be perfect to show off your summer tan and add a touch of bling to your outfit. 

Southaven - £119.00

These sandals are a classic strappy style with a manageable heel, given a cool edge with the vibrant orange colour.  These will look fantastic with a black dress, or something clashing if you are feeling adventurous.

Swedish Hasbeens £149.00

I love these shoes so much I cannot even tell you.  They aren't particularly stylish or up to the minute fashionable, but anyone who has ever loved the Mary Jane combined with a 50s sense of style will love these shoes as much as I.

J Crew - £360.00

Now we are getting into the pricier end of the market.  I love the simple style of these sandals, jazzed up with the sequinned heels and strap.  You could wear these sandals with lots of different neutral tones.

Alaia £750.00

Last, but not least, the most expensive pair of sandals I am showing you today.  Classic, stylish, expensive yes, but absolutely beautiful.  These are the pair that you save for.  What is more, you could wear these shoes with any evening outfit for years to come. 

What are your favourite pair?

Living & Sleeping with Arthritis

My mum was first diagnosed with osteo arthritis around 25 years ago.

I have seen her condition progress over the years and the various treatments that she has tried during that time; right through to having partial and full knee replacements.

Over the years, I have picked up on many tips and tricks to help you live with arthritis that I thought that I would share with you today.

Acupuncture
Do not be afraid of trying out alternative therapies.  When my mum was first diagnosed, she suffered with pain in both hands and both knees.  After a course of acupuncture, the arthritis in both her hands disappeared, never to return.  You can read more about how acupuncture can help in this link

A Good Night's Sleep

Getting a good night's sleep is essential when you are suffering with pain every day.    Buying a bed that is best suited to your needs can help to alleviate pain whilst you are trying to sleep and will provide you with much needed rest to deal with the following day.  Try out an adjustable bed or one which provides massage support such as NHD Cylco Therapy which is designed to help with conditions such as arthritis.

Source: Heritage Bed

Help

Do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  Some days will be good, some days will be bad; but having family/friends there to offer help and support when you need it is invaluable.  Be realistic about what you can accomplish and if you realise you need help with something, ask.  

Medical Options

Do not be afraid to go to the doctors and your specialists and ask what might alleviate symptoms. My mum for example used to get the fluid drained out of her knees in a short procedure at the hospital, arranged through her consultant and this reduced her pain for some months at a time.

Surgery

When it comes to having surgery, such as a knee replacement, wait as long as you can.  Remember, a full knee replacement lasts around ten years, so the older you are when you have the surgery, the fewer operations you will have to undergo.

My  mum is now 75 and after having had arthritis for over 25 years, she now has two full knee replacements.  The horrendous pain she used to suffer is gone and she can do things now that she could not do for a decade.  She can even break into a little jog! 

You can find a e-book about Living & Sleeping with Arthritis here

Description of a Dark Day

I'm at the start of a dark day.  I can feel it.  The darkness, sweeping in, avoidable; like the tide coming in on a beach.

If you have never suffered from depression, it is hard to understand.  I am lucky.  I get these days, rather than weeks or months.  They happen now and again and they do not affect my life, much.  I am thankful for that.

Earlier in my life, I went through a couple of years experiencing the darkness of depression.  I would not wish  it on anyone.  So I am thankful.  Because I know how bad it can feel.

But, this is not the point of this post.  The point is how to explain what a dark day feels, to someone who doesn't understand depression.  How you can have been having a fantastic day and then suddenly, it hits.  The swift downward spiral.  The way the next day, I am back to myself.

So let me try and explain.  *This is only from my view point.  How I feel.  What I experience.  It is different for everyone.

A deep seated sadness overwhelms you.  There is no rhyme or reason.  You could have been having the best day in the world. and then it hits.  

Your heart hurts.  Your soul hurts.  Fot that time, you question whether you are really happy at all.  Whether your life is just a mask to cover the hurt that is overwhelming you.  You cry. A lot. 

You are scared.  That maybe this time. the pain will stick.  That you will get stuck in this world of hurt.  That you cannot escape.  

You are angry.  Because the day before, you were happy.  Maybe even an hour before.  A minute. There is no logic behind it and for a logical person like me, this infuriates you.  You want to break it down and rationalize how you are feeling.  But you cannot rationalize depression.

It is the kind of pain where you feel that nothing can save you.  Your head is a black hole and you are falling down it; desperately trying to grab hold of something to stop your descent, but nothing is there.  

You feel guilty.  So guilty.  Especially if you are normally happy.  If you have a great life.  You see so much suffering in the world and you think to yourself "Why do I feel like this?  Others have truly terrible lives." That you are somehow indulging in a first world, inconsequential thing.  Except it isn't inconsequential.

Again I say that I am lucky.  Because when I had my couple of years of this, I understood why people tried to hurt themselves.  Cut themselves in order to feel.  Because I did it myself.  I am lucky because what I did, didn't leaves scars.  Yet again though. I feel guilty.  Because if I had truly wanted to hurt myself, there would be scars.  Feeling guilty because my pain did not leave a mark, Fucked up, isn't it?

You develop mechanisms of coping.  You try to shield those around you from it.  Because you know they will never truly understand.  You tell yourself "Just get through this day and you will be ok".

So here I sit, typing away, telling you how my dark day feels.  It is late.  I am hopeful that tomorrow, the darkness will be gone.  I am riding that wave, the rise and fall of pain that makes you want to curl into a ball and block the world. 

But that is ok.  You are allowed to block out the world.  As long as, when you are ready, you come back it.

This is my explanation of my dark day.  Like I said, it is different for everyone.  But for those who do not experience it, but know those who do: you cannot help them.  But you can understand.  You can give them a hug.  Let them deal with it. the way they know how to; but watch for the signs that it is overwhelming them.

Depression does not define who I am.  It is a part of me that I deal with, but it does not rule me.  Have compassion.  Do not judge us.  That is all we ask.

The Outspoken Opinion

This is a conversation that I had with someone this week.

"You have a lot of opinions on a lot of stuff"
"Yep"
"Your Twitter feed is full of things you are spouting off about.  Don't you get tired of being an angry person?   Chill out for a while"
"I'm not an angry person at all.  But if I see something shitty, I am going to say something about it.  That is just who I am"
"So you are a social justice warrior then right?"
"Well if giving a shit about important issues makes me an SJW, then yes, that is what I am".

I thought about this conversation for a while.  Am I an angry person?  I would have to say no.  I am a happy gal.  My Twitter feed has a lot of things that I have shared that I disagree with, yes, but you know what?  Twitter takes up maybe thirty minutes of my day.  The rest, for all you know, is playing with bunnies and singing "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music".  

So I decided to take a look at my feed over the last week and see what "controversial" things I had shared.  In reverse order:

• 9 women's refugees in Lancashire facing closure because of budget cuts.  Shared a petition - please sign!!
• Adam Johnson appealing his verdict.  Dude, you admitted child grooming and sexual activity with a CHILD.  Shut up.
• That 8 out of 10 most abused writers on the Guardian were women.  No surprise there.
• That body shaming is not ok.  
• That Dennis Skinner called David Cameron "dodgy Dave".  LOVED this.
• Laughed at the idea that the films that MRAs cried about were some of my favourite films.  (A woman, being the lead in a film: misandry!!!) lol
• A guy on a dating website who went full throttle psycho on me within two messages of speaking.
• That 5 horses died in the Grand National meet.  Find a ray of sunshine in that.  I dare you.

• That Missouri Republicans want Planned Parenthood to provide a list of any woman who has ever had an abortion and that the woman who is refusing, is facing jail.
• That being blocked, is not the same is being censored.  Brilliant article from Clementine Ford who rightly points out her right to block a man from her own page who says "Good job you slimey fat cunt, I really do hope you are the next one raped."  Or that she deserves to be gang raped.

So there you have it.  Ten "controversial things I have tweeted about in the last seven days.  Look at them.  All of them.  Then put them together.  

So lets summarize.  Women losing a safe place to go when they have been abused.  A paedophile,  Women being abused for saying what they think.  Calling out body shamers.  Dodgy Dave (enough said).  MRAs moaning about women being a lead in a couple of films.  A misogynist guy who messaged me (and after that message, offered me money to go out with him).  Animals dying for human entertainment.  Women losing client confidentiality because the Republicans think the rights to a woman's body belongs to a man.  (A percentage) of men thinking that losing the right to threaten to rape or kill a woman online on her own page is a loss of a freedom of speech.

You know what?  Fuck that.  I am angry.  

Mind Full, or Mindful?

I wrote a blog post on Friday about the Grand National.  Nothing new about that, I write one every year.  The new thing was that I had not written prior to that for over six weeks.  I have only written nine this year.  This is not me.

I love to write.  I have fifty different opinions on various subjects every day.  I am not short of material.  When I wrote my Grand National post it felt like coming home.  Everything was the same, the planning, the writing; the ease of putting what is rolling around in my head on to the screen.

But there is a disconnect there that I cannot deny.  I think of blog posts that I want to write and they remain in my head, unwritten.  I see so many posts from the inspiring and wonderful bloggers I read and I think "This is what I think, I could have written this, why didn't you?"

In order to unpack my feelings about why I am not actively writing any more, I have to look inside.  I have had a fucking shitty last two years.  My step dad being in and out of hospital, his fall, his subsequent nine months in hospital and then a care home; his death.  The aftermath of that.  My beloved little pooch dying.  It has been utterly shit.  Coupled with the fact that I have my sneaking depression that usually likes to creep into me when I am having a good day.

I need a head clear out.

I read something the other day that struck a chord with me.  "Humans are unhappy because we spend our time and energy thinking about things that don't exist - the past and the future" - Oli Doyle.

It really made me think about how much time my head is in the past, or thinking about the future whilst the present is just passing me by.  The past does not affect this moment I am living in right now.   Each second that passes by I will never have again.  I want to make it count.

The quote I mentioned was from a book called Mindfulness for Life.  It is a six week course that gives you a challenge each day in order to make you live in the present.  Not letting the past affect you now, not worrying about the future.  Just living.

So I am going to try this out.  Will it work?  I don't know.  But I am going to document my journey here.  Living my life in the present, not in the story of me.

Nothing so Grand About the Grand National

I want to give you some names.  

Kingfisher Creek.  Provident Spirit.  Properus.  Clonbanan Lad.  Marasonnien.  Minella Recption. Gullinbursti.  

Sound familar?  Probably not.  But these are the names of seven horses who have died this week in UK horse racing.  At Ascot, Doncaster and Aintree.  Three fatally wounded, two collapsed and died after the race and two who fell and died during the race.

From the time that Animal Aid began their record, some nine years ago, 1378 horses have died in UK horse racing.  That is 3, every single week.

Tomorrow is the Grand National.  The nation's past time.  Families get together and play bets every year.  Workplaces have sweepstakes.  There are "jokes" about who will get the one who came last, or died.  Because we know that they die in the Grand National, we watch every year as it takes place.

The course is much safer they say.  The horses would not race if they did not want to they say.  But they cannot deny that in a race which is entered by the best race horses in the country, less than half have managed to complete the course in the past 3 years.  In 2012, only 15 made it.  As for the horse wanting to race, I am sure no one has ever managed to explain to them the odds of them dying, or that they will be beat with a mandatory whip whilst trying to get around the course.

Yes you did read that right.  Riders in the Grand National are actually required to carry a whip in order to race.

I'm not going to show you photographs.  Because we have all seen what happens.  It is more a surprise when no horses die in the Grand National then when they do.  But as the jockey Ruby Walsh said a couple of years ago "You can replace a horse".  

They are not given value, they are just ever replaceable stock, without worth; especially when they are injured.   When they die, as we saw in 2011, they are merely "obstacles in the way".

So what is so grand about the Grand National exactly?  We dress it is as being the nation's past time.  The one time a year that many ever place a bet.  We talk about what people are wearing, we have "Ladies Day"; we glamorous this barbaric institution with family fun and champagne.

The interesting thing to note is that we describe ourselves as a nation of animal lovers.  We recoil in horror at places like Spain with their bullfighting, calling it inhumane and disgusting.  Yet we think nothing of the fact that we routinely kill 3 horses every single week in a sport that cares nothing for their safety.

Imagine if this was any other sport.  Like football.  Can you imagine players dribbling the ball around a dying Wayne Rooney?  Theo Walcott being carried off on a stretcher and shot because his broken leg made him useless to the sport? People cheering as only half of the players made it through the game?  People cheering as a player fell and broke his neck, because their favourite player was still in the game.

You will either place a bet tomorrow or you won't.  My words will either affect you, or they won't.  But my mission, as it has been every year on this blog, is to give you the facts, and let you make up your own mind.  

I ask you a question, are we not better than this?

My Ellie

You arrived at our home at three months old, a tiny ball of black fluff.  So small you would have fit in a pint glass.  My first memory of you is being on the phone to mum while she brought you home for the first time, telling me all about you and then saying "The little bugger just nipped me!".

You had never nipped anyone before or since, but knowing your personality as I do now, I think that it was you saying "I may be tiny, but I am the boss now!" and you really were.  We belonged to you, not the other way around.  We used to joke that you were the queen and we were your minions.  Just as you deserved.

Your favourite places were rugs.  You used to roll all over each one of them in the house, your legs flailing in the air like a little horse.  I still walk into a room and expect to see you rolling around the floor like a lunatic.

You didn't like to go for a walk, often hiding behind my legs or looking up at me with those big beautiful eyes which practically said "Mummy, don't make me".  You won the battle most of the time because who could resist you?  Certainly not me.  You loved to run for a ball however, your dancing around for it earned you one of your first nicknames, Dancing Dora.

I have had and have known many dogs in my life.  None like you. I have loved every dog and pet we have had over the years, but none took hold of my heart like you did.  You decided that love was not enough, it was adoration that you wanted; and it is what you received.  It had been a very long time since I gave someone my whole heart, but you had all of it.

You had more personality than any dog I have ever known.  You had a truly unique character and really could do everything to communicate except actually speak.

I have so many memories of you.  The way that you always have a part of you touching mum when you slept, either on the back of her chair or on the bed.  The way when you slept on the floor you slept near her slippers.

Your expression of indignation when you would see Rosie on my bed.  The way you kept moving down the hall, sitting down every few steps with an incensed glare at me and Rosie.  You practically shouted "Oi!  That's my mummy!  She is mine!".

The way you would come to my door at night.  I would open the door and then  have to follow you, with you looking back to make sure I was complying as you went to the front door or to the sitting room, because you wanted to play on the rug with me.  I cannot count how many hugs and kisses I gave you on that rug over the years.  Millions.

You used to love being sung to.  So many times I would pick you up in my arms, you would position yourself so that you were perfectly comfortable, using me like an chair arm.  I would sing to you the song that mum used to sing to me when I was a little girl "You are my sunshine".  You were.

Your name was Ellie, but to me, you were Sausage Monkey.  I am not really sure how the name came about, maybe because your body was like a little sausage and you were a monkey.  But I called you Sausage Monkey more than than I called you Ellie.  You answered to either.

You gave us such much joy, love, fun and laughter every single day and we both loved you so very very much.

When you became ill, you were so strong and a little fighter.  Your spirit radiated out of you.

For such a small dog, you have left such a massive hole in our lives and in our hearts.  A piece of mine went with you, my little girl.  You will be missed every day and you will never be replaced. A dog as unique and wonderful as you never could be.

I cannot say goodbye.  The words will not come.  Instead I will say what I always used to say to you at night.

Night night sausa monkey, momma loves you.

The Goggle Box

After seven years of faithful service, my bedroom television has finally given up on me.  The DVD player no longer works and the picture was terrible (bought before HD so not great to begin with) and so the quest is on to find some new bedroom tech.

Times have evolved greatly in terms of what you can purchase, particularly in terms of size and picture quality.  The typical 19 inch cube like televisions have moved on to larger flat screen versions and the picture quality has improved by leaps and bounds.  From ordinary SDTV we have moved to to HDTV and now, the latest innovation is 4KTV with the likes of the Panasonic Viera range.

Photo Credit

When buying a new television, it is always useful to read to the latest tech blogs and check out the best TVs that you can buy within your budget range.  There are so many different types of television that you can buy, dependent on what you are looking for and the services you want it to provide.

When it comes to buying a television for a bedroom, often, you want it to be a multi tasker.  Are you a gamer?  Are you a Netflix addict?  Will you use it in collaboration with your laptop?  Do you want to connect to the internet?

All of these options can be catered for and given that the price of technology has come down in recent years, the cost of what you want is not going to burden your purse too heavily.

For me, I am a film buff.  I love watching films, either through my Freeview or on DVD.  Netflix will be my next port of call, I can no longer resist its calling.  With this is mind I have gone for a larger television, 32 inches which is the largest that I can have within my space capacities.

HD is a must given the amount of films that I watch and I can only imagine how great some of my old favourites are going to look like on a much larger screen with much better resolution.  Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, the Fast & the Furious series; all will be getting a dusting off and a marathon film weekend will be happening soon!

The Funny Fat Friend

I saw a meme tonight.  When you go on the internet you see many.  Some hilarious, some make you want to beat your head repeatedly against a wall.  This was one of them.

There is a perception in society that says that if you are fat, you must compensate for it.  Whether this is dressing always in black, being on a permanent diet and hating yourself or being the kind of fat person that is the "good fat" aka hating on other fat people, the "yes I am fat but you can like me because I insult other fat people, we are horrendous I agree with you" type.

There is another "good" type of fat person.  The funny fat friend. We see it in films all the time.  Fat people playing a role, aimed at us being more "acceptable".  I have fallen into this role before.  Over compensating for my size by trying to be funny.  Trying to detract from what I look like.

You cannot hurt me if you think I am funny.  You do not need to see me as a woman, a sexual being if you can put a label on me and put me in that box.

SCREW THAT.  I am not a label.  I am not just one thing.  I do not need to "compensate" for what I look like.

This is something that has been rumbling in my head for a while now.  The people that expect fat people to be funny.  To compensate.  That people that say "Oh I bet you are funny" when trying to picture me in a friend group.

Sometimes I am funny.  Sometimes I am a bitch.  Sometimes I am quiet.  Sometimes I am fun.  I am not here on this planet to play a part or a role for someone.  I am myself and if you don't like me, that is fine.  If you don't find me attractive, that is also fine.  But I am not here for your fucking entertainment.

I am tired of the perception that if you are fat, you must compensate others.  Trade off what you look like by offering something up, like humour by way of a payment for them having to look at you.

I am enough,  You are enough, We are all enough.  Fat, funny or a fucking bitch.  We deserve to be taken for who we are.  Not treated differently or have expectations put on us because of the size of our stomach is something that you have to blank out and find something else about us to talk about.

You are enough.  Do not like ANYBODY tell you different. 

The Lazy Girl's Guide to Eyebrows

Eyebrows.  Ten years ago (the first time I was ever convinced to wax my eyebrows), I did not see what the fuss was about.  As long as you did not have a monobrow, the thought of colouring them in, shaping them and making them a part of my make up routine did not even occur to me.

Ten years now and eyebrows are a big business.  We wax them, we tweeze them; they are kept in place with gels and drawn over with pens and liquids.  Some of us even shave them off, to be replaced with a tattoo version (don't try that at home kids, remember, your face wrinkles as you age, so will the tattoo).

You can, and many people do spend a fortune maintaining their eyebrows and keeping up to date with the latest brushes, gels and products.  As for me, although I now love a well filled in eyebrow, I prefer to do the same on a budget; and without much time or effort involved.

While I like my eyebrows to be groomed, I still want a natural look and not tweezed within an inch of their life.  To maintain a natural line I use the Tweezerman Slant Tweezer

Here I am, sans makeup, ready to put my makeup on to start my day.  It is first thing in the morning so please excuse grumpy face.

I never put anything on my face in the right order (does anyone even know what this is?) but I always start with the eyebrows.  I use a slanted makeup brush which I bought from Superdrug (similar found here) and a £1 eyeshadow from MUA, which I find stays in place all day.

I simply fill in the eyebrows in, following the line and then I extend the eyebrow out another half inch with a thin line, which I find looks better on me as I have quite stumpy eyebrows otherwise.

I never have too much time in the morning, I prefer to sleep, but eyeliner is my master and I must obey its rule.

Finally, here I am to start my day.  My makeup usually takes 5-10 minutes to do, the majority of time on that being eyeliner.

Eyeshadow (for eyebrows) - MUA  £1.00
Eyeliner - Loreal Super Liner £6.99
Mascara - Clinique High Impact £17.50
Foundation: Rimmel Lasting Finish £6.00
Blusher - MUA £1.00
Strawberry lip balm - gift

Embracing You

I saw a quote by Hugh Laurie this week that really struck a chord with me.

That is what I think about confidence.  If I had a pound for every time during my life that I have thought "When I am older, I'll be confident then" or "Maybe I would be confident if I were to change x, y and z about myself" then I would probably be a billionaire today.

NO.  Strive for confidence now.  DO NOT WAIT.

You can your whole life thinking "If only I was thinner, taller; prettier, then I will be happy", or, alternatively, you can live your life and be happy.  But how?

How do you suddenly become confident?  Well the answer is, at least it was for me, is that confidence is not an instant thing.  It takes work.  It is a journey.  You are constantly learning.  You will have off days.  But they are just bumps in a very long road that has your happiness at the end of it.

The trick for me, was to start small.  What do you think will improve your confidence?  Do you love fashion?  Start with that.  Do you love makeup? Play around.  For me, in a wardrobe full of black, it started with colourful shoes.

Next, the wardrobe.  I knew I loved colour and pattern, but going there was a long journey.  But one day....

This next photo took so much confidence, you can see the trepidation on my face.  The fear.  But I did it.  Which led me to, a couple of months ago wandering round a spa in this swimsuit without a care in the world.

 One thing that really helped me with my confidence was to do a photo shoot.  This was arranged by the utterly fabulous Pamper & Curves.  Betty Pamper was running a vintage style photoshoot and I jumped at the chance.  You can see the pictures from the shoot in the link above, but this is a selfie I took between shots.  I felt beautiful.  It was a cornerstone of finding my confidence.

But it isn't just about makeup and clothes.  Who are you?  Who is that person that you have been hiding beneath your under confident self?  Who is the person that your friends have seen glimpses of and know is there, even if you don't.

Use your voice.  Think about what drives you, what you are passionate about and start speaking out.  Be present.  You are allowed to have an opinion if you want it.  

It took a long time for me to realise that the size of my body and the way I looked did not mean that I was not entitled to speak my mind.  I realised that being fat was only a very small part of who I was.  I began to embrace the outside, love it, but also, let the real me out.  The one talking to you now.

I have seen and spoken to people who are much older in years than I who never found their confidence.  They waited for that lightening bolt that never happened.  Because you have to make it happen.

They say that a journey starts with a single step.  I say that it starts with the second step.  The first step is the want.  The second step is the drive to move forward.

Where will your journey take you?  Take that first and second step.  It is worth it.  It is beyond worth it.

Fun Wedding Reception Ideas

I don't know whether it is my addiction to "Don't Tell The Bride", but I am always on the lookout for fun, memorable and unique ideas to have at weddings.

The best weddings are always the ones that are unique to the couple, have a fun element and ones that you can take away wonderful memories from; whether you are the ones getting married or a guest.

One thing that I think is really fun to do, which is becoming very popular these days is having a photo booth at your wedding reception.  Professional photographs, although lovely for the ceremony and group photos, really have no place at a wedding reception where you want to have fun in a more relaxed setting.

Photograph courtesy of OMG Photo Booth Hire

As well as having fun props and getting random combinations of guests posing, this is a really fun addition to your wedding reception.

An essential to a good wedding reception is the music.  What you do not want is an empty dance floor or even worse, twenty drunk people doing the Chicken Dance courtesy of a bad DJ.  A great idea to do is add a song request option to your wedding RSVP invite.  When you get the cards back, simply create a playlist, adding a few of your own favourites to the mix!

Hey Mr DJ

 The card featured here is downloaded from Etsy at the low cost of £4.22.  You can just print out the cards yourself to add to your wedding invitation envelope.  Fun for a tiny cost!

Another idea would be to invest in some personalised wedding pens.  They can either be added to your wedding invitation envelope or placed on the tables at the reception, perhaps to use in the next idea.

Wedding Pens

These pens cost £30.00 for 50 and will be a nice memento of your wedding (as well as getting the phone number of that wedding guest who you have decided after a wine or two is your one true love!)

The people you ask to your wedding are (in an ideal world) all the people that you love and spend time with.  A great idea would be to leave these wedding advice cards out for each guest on the tables in place of a wedding guest book.  Cheaper and will invoke some great memories in years to come.

Wedding Advice Cards

I found these on Etsy for the cost of under £20.00 for 50.  Not a bad place at all for some interest at the table and great reading afterwards.

Finally, at the end of the night when toasts have been drunk, many drinks have been consumed and that wedding breakfast seems a very long time ago, how about a popcorn food stand?

Photo Credit

These are just some of the great ideas that I have come across, all designed to make your wedding that little bit more special and something that you will always remember.


*Sponsored Post

Bored of the Diet Talk

I know that I am not alone in saying this, because I have seen many fat positive women saying the same, but the typical New Years Resolutions of “I am going on a diet because I ate a turkey, four mince pies and a chocolate truffle over Christmas; I look horrendous” are this year, really starting to get on my wick.

Now I am, as you know, a fat person.  It is a part of me but not all of who I am.  I am aware of it and the impact that seeing my body sometimes has on others.  You know the types, either those who like to insult you; in varying ways of behind your back (or hiding behind a computer screen) or those jellyfish stinger types who say “Oh I wish I had half of your confidence!” 

Which translates to:

“If I was as fat as you, I would hide in my shed”

I like my body.  I have no wish to change it.  If others wish to change their body, be it because it is a New Years resolution or otherwise, then do it, but for the love of fuck, stop trying to involve me in your diet talk because I am not interested and what’s more, it is boring as hell!

I cannot count the number of talks I have been party to or brought into with regard to weight loss recently. Including before Christmas “With all I am going to eat this Christmas, lets all challenge ourselves to a weight loss competition in January”.  Erm, no.  That is ridiculous.

Weight loss is not a competition and we should not be compare and contrasting each others bodies in order to declare a winner.  If you want to change something about your body then change it, but leave others out of it.

If your self worth relies on the size of your stomach and the number on your bathroom scales alone, then perhaps your New Years resolution should be to love yourself more.   Because losing 10 pounds after Christmas will not change that. 

Here is a New Years Resolution I intend on sticking to.

Photo Credit