I am a bit of scaredy cat sometimes. I like to have some sort of a structure that I can work within and I prefer to have a plan. Without them I get nervous and a bit overwhelmed.
I am not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal, but I’m not obsessive about arranging things either. As long as I have a point A that will eventually get to an arranged point Z, with the occasional point of reference in the middle, I’m ok.
Whilst these tendencies can be muted a little when in a group of friends, when I am alone it does become a little more compulsive. This leads to my saying no to things that I actually really want to do, but are too scared to do them.
But things are changing. I am starting to say yes to the things that scare me, and wonderful things have happened as a result. Over the past few months I have been a model at Plus North and now I am going next week to a fashion event in London on my own. Neither of which I could have dreamed of doing this time last year, hell, even six months ago.
I got an email through last week from Marisota asking me if I would like to attend an evening where their new designer Mark Heyes is showing his new collection for them. Usually I would see the word London and immediately say no. A million problems instantly speed through my mind, giving me reasons why I shouldn’t go.
How will you get there?
How will I find my way in London?
I’ll never be able to navigate the tube.
What if I get lost?
They’ve asked you by mistake
You can’t afford it
What if I miss my train?
What if I don’t fit in the clothes?
What if they don’t like me?
Enough with the what if questions. They are not asking me to circumnavigate the globe; they are asking me to go to London for something tremendously exciting. I get the train; I go to the event; I stay over and I go home. It really isn’t that complicated.
I said yes. I am so very excited and yes, very nervous and a little scared. But I have my planning head on now; I have my train times; where I am staying; where I need to be. I've even bought myself a travelcard so I don't need to rely on taxis. I will be fine*
* This does not mean I will not be live tweeting if I get a bit panicky and need to vent. You’ve been warned.