Claire
from A Monkey Fatshionista recently came up with a
challenge of answering the recent Cosmo article questions. I really wanted to do this as I found it
totally puzzling that they would feature full and frank answers, and yet name
the women in the article “A” and “B”.
But
I was scared. The questions frankly
terrified me and I didn’t get involved in the challenge. I have regretted that ever since so I have
kicked my ass today and have answered, as below!
How
do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?
Depends on the context
really. If it is a stranger or
acquaintance complaining about feeling/being fat I just let it go over my
head. Their issues with their own bodies
are exactly that, their issues not mine.
When it is someone I know, it
does tend to bug me; particularly when they are implying that fat is the worst
thing they could be. I want to say get a
grip, but I never do.
How
has your body image changed since high school? College?
I have been a bigger girl my
whole life. I was a chubby child but I
also started to grow breasts at the age of 10/11 so I guess that was the first time
really that I was marked out as being different from others around me.
Have
you tried dieting? What happened?
I have been on various diets at different points in my
life. Sometimes I lost weight, then it
would go back on. There are certain
things I could change about my diet but then I don’t sit around stuffing my
face all day either.
Do
you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?
I don’t know to be honest. I think it is just me. It is the way I have always been.
Do you consider yourself
healthy? Have there been instances where people have assumed you are unhealthy?
I
am more of a carbs person than a sweet person and I would like to reduce the
carbs a little. I don’t eat breakfast
which I probably should and I could exercise more than I do. I have quit smoking though for which I feel a
lot healthier for doing. I have always
have a good blood pressure and am rarely ill with anything other than a cold. I have never had someone say to me that they
think I am unhealthy although a work colleague did ask me once “You do eat a
lot or is this just the way you look”.
Are your parents both
supportive of the weight you’re at? Have they always been?
My step dad never says anything one way or the
other. My mum used to mention diets
occasionally and is always on one herself, but I think now that now she is
accepted me for the way I look. She doesn’t
mention it anymore.
How
do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people?
By remembering that plus size people like fashion too. We want to be able to wear whatever we like
without being told that “You can’t wear that”.
Make clothes in the bigger sizes too.
Acknowledge that just because you think a fat person shouldn’t wear an
item of clothing doesn’t mean that you can make that choice for them. Give us the choice.
Do
you think plus-sized women are judged differently to plus-sized men? How?
I don’t personally know any plus size men so I don’t know what their experience
is. Women are treated more like sex
objects than men and the presumption that we should have to look a certain way
is focused more on women. I want to say that it is much harder for plus
size women but as I don’t have the other perspective, that would be wrong.
Do
you think there is an assumption made/stereotypes that exist about plus-size
people? How would you respond to it?
There are the usual assumptions
made of course. Lazy, stuffing your face,
work shy, etc etc. I don’t respond to
other people’s assumptions of what a fat person is like because if they can’t
be bothered to overlook the stereotype then they are not people I wish to know.
Do you
think there’s ever a right way/time to express concern about someone’s weight?
No. It is nobody’s business but your
own. A GP will do it, but I think that
the excuse of weight is palmed off on illnesses that have nothing to do with
it.
What
are the worst things people have said to you about your weight?
I tend to banish these sort of
comments from my mind. The worst one,
which I always remember is “You will always be alone looking like that”.
How
did you respond?
How
do you respond to something like that? I
can’t remember. It was a few years back
now and all I remember now is how much it hurt and the feeling that I would
never be good enough.
What
have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or
appearance?
I have had compliments on my
eyes, and my breasts. I get told that I
am pretty, but sometimes I do get the feeling that they it is being said as
“You are so pretty but……” I wear a dress
every single day and that is something that gets commented on in a positive way
which I like. I like to make a real
effort every day when getting ready.
Do
you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?
My best friend is actually at the opposite end of
the scale to me. She was always told
that she was too thin and needed to put on weight when in reality, it is just
the way she is naturally. None of my
others friends are closer to my size but it doesn’t bother me. There would be something wrong if it
did.
One of the things I loved about
going to Plus North was meeting people of a similar size to me and seeing their
confidence, which massively inspired my own.
How
has your weight affected your sex life, if at all?
When I have had a relationship in
the past, not too much. Once I get to
the point where I am comfortable with a guy, I am ok. Ish.
When
you’ve been single, has your weight affected your dating life?
A lot. One thing I am still working on is the fact
that when it comes to men, I don’t feel good enough. In my logical head I don’t mind if somebody
doesn’t find me attractive, that’s fine, but my irrational head tells me that
no one will want me.
I’ve been single for such a long
time now and it is only recently that I have began to realise that this is
mostly my own fault. I have so many
dating/relationship opportunities that I have backed away from, purely because
of the constrictions in my head.
This is getting better, just on a
slower rate. I am good enough. I won’t let anyone else dictate to me what I
should look like in order to be worthy of someone’s attention.
Do
you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?
For me that wouldn’t be
comfortable. I don’t want to be anyone’s
fetish. Similarly though I couldn’t date
something if they liked just my personality.
I want to be wanted for me, as a whole.
Now I just have to actually let someone do that.
Do
you feel weird if he’s only dated slimmer women before you?
I don’t think so no. It would easier that if they had only dated
larger women before. As long as it
wasn’t as I have said above, wanted for my personality but not finding me
attractive.
I have had about a million run
away and hide moments answering these questions. I wasn’t brave enough before, in fact I was
downright terrified.
The thing is though, you never
improve if you don’t confront what scares you.
I want to emerge from my label as the fat girl and my own self imposed
constraint of not feeling good enough. I
just want to be Vicky. Happy. Confident.
If you find me attractive fine, if you don’t, that’s fine too. I want to feel good enough and I will. Sooner rather than later I hope.
I have tagged below the other women that did the challenge. Although I wasn't involved in the challenge, other's perspectives on these questions is interesting.
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