My Rosie

I never thought in a million years that I would be writing this post today.

Seven months, practically to the day that we lost our beautiful Ellie, we found ourselves putting my wonderful gorgeous Rosie to sleep.

My Rose.  An amazing bundle of fluff who had so much love to give.  She loved nothing better than a cuddle and greeted me every day after work, patiently waiting for me at the patio doors and after spotting me entering the gate; running for her favourite toy Tiger or Frog to come and show me.

My Rosie.  I remember the day that I met you.  Found in an advert in the paper, advertised for sale as someone was leaving the country.  Back then, you were not Rosie. you were Lily.

Looking back, it is clear that they simply did not want you (how is that possible?).  Lying in your box, showing not much interest and very sleepy, I am convinced that they had given you something to make you docile.  No water dish out, no food to be seen.  You were immediately ours and became my Rosie Posey.

It was their loss.  It was my privilege to have you in my life.  

After Ellie died, the love that you gave us tripled.  You loved to sit on mummy's knee, particularly when I was trying to do the Asda order and you decided that stroking you was more important than the weekly shop.  It was.

Here you are, in the next photo.  Those big brown eyes, so full of love, saying stroke me mummy! I would sit cross legged on the settee, my phone in one hand trying to complete the shop and stroking you with the other.

When you became ill in July I was so worried and rushed you to the vets.  Finding out that you had a mass on your liver was heartbreaking, but with no cancer found in the blood tests, I prayed to whoever is out there that we could have at least another year with you.

I still cannot work it out in my head how you went from being your normal, wonderful self a week last Tuesday, to having to put you to sleep on Saturday.  I am shell shocked.  It still does not feel real.

You became ill again on the Thursday.  Given medication and injections just as before, I crossed everything that this would make you better.  The news we received on Friday after a full day at the vets that your kidneys were failing was such a shock, but we had hope that maybe a drip and some medication would give you a little more time.

We brought you home that night, but you were no longer the same dog.  Looking in your eyes, you were no longer there.  You were supposed to spend another day at the vets on a drip, but we knew in our hearts that the fight, so quickly started, was over.

We both loved you so much, which meant that we could not put you through any more.  I hope you understand that my angel.  

The house is so empty without you in it.  My teddy bear has gone and you have left such a massive hole.  A piece of my heart went with Ellie, and now another has been taken losing you.  I will always love you.  

This is my favourite photo of us.  Me watching the Grand Prix and you cuddled up with me.  You have such love in your eyes, as you always did.  You were so loved.  Go and play with Ellie now.  I will see you again.

Confidence is Key

This weekend I went to the Curve Fashion Festival.  I will be talking about that in a later post, but first, I wanted to talk about the plus size community as a whole and what you receive from it.

You start out, much like I did, by discovering plus size fashion blogs and positivity.  Slowly, your wardrobe changes, your confidence to wear what you want, not what you think you should wear starts to progress and take shape.

Along with finding confidence in myself and what I wore, along the way I picked up something else, courage.

The courage not to cross a road when you encounter a group of people, just in case they are mean to you.  The courage to go out and do something on your own, without having to have someone with you or needing to speak to someone every step of the way.

Before I found the plus size community, other than in my home town, I never went anywhere on my own.  I wouldn't say that I was afraid, more that I just knew that I could not do it.  I did not have the courage to take those journeys without someone being there.

I remember a couple of years ago being asked to go to an event in London.  It was the launch of new plus size collection in Soho and I really, really wanted to go.  But travelling to London?  Finding my way around on my own?  Staying over?  My courage disappeared.

So what did I do?  I looked at all the plus size bloggers, all those who inspired me in their confidence, their style, the way that they were not afraid to go out into the world and live it.  I took the inspiration they gave me and went to London.  I came back a different person.  They helped to create a new me.  A more courageous me.  Someone who was not afraid to go out there and LIVE.

Which brings me back to the Curve Fashion Festival.  After spending many hours in the company of amazing women, especially the wonderful Kate Willshaw and the fabulous Stephanie Cummings (thank you again for the phone battery charge!) I was left with a couple of hours in Liverpool.  What to do?

The old me would have gotten a taxi to the train station and stayed there for two hours.  The new me?  She went out and saw a bit of Liverpool.  In a bright yellow dress, enough red lipstick to last me a decade and a smile on my face; I headed out.

A stroll along the Albert Docks, The Tate, a pirate ship (sadly my damn picture didn't come out) and the Echo Wheel of Liverpool.  A wonderful day.

Lashes from Doll Beauty 

Food for Thought

One thing that happens as we grow up and get older is that our tastes change.  What we are passionate about, the music we love; the food that we eat.

As a teenager I remember thinking that I could never love anything more than listening to Take That (the first time around).  These days, although I listen to the odd song for nostalgia, you are more likely to find me listening to Green Day, Beyonce, electronic dance; anything basically other than atypical boy band music.  

Growing up and into my late twenties I never liked tea or coffee.  But one day, after trying a friend's hazelnut latte, I was suddenly hooked.  Fresh coffee in my store cupboard and a regular hazelnut latte with a double shot espresso is regularly seen in my hands.

One thing that I have noticed is that when people get past retirement age and well into their twilight years, their appetites decrease.  The plates get smaller, the variety of food they eat lessens.  This can mean that their nutrition can suffer as a result.

This can be especially problematic with people that suffer from mental health issues like dementia.  From forgetting to eat, not knowing what they want to eat; to not wanting to eat altogether.

This is something that I experienced with a elderly relative of mine.  Seeing someone who used to eat us out of house and home transform into someone who did not want to eat is heartbreaking.  So what do we do?  How can you get nutritious food into someone who does not want to eat?

The wonderful thing about the internet is that there is a now a wealth of information out there to help you.  Age UK are a fantastic resource and have loads of helpful information about everything from falls prevention to helping to spot when a elderly relative is having issues like dementia or Alzheimers and what you can do.

There are also things like nutrition guides that provide tips for getting healthy, vitamin rich food into people who are not that bothered about eating any more.  Things like doing away with three meals a day, which can be overfacing and changing to small meals, dotted throughout the day,

If your relative is in a care home, one thing to try is perhaps getting a mini fridge for their room.  Keep yoghurts in there, carrot sticks and sliced fruit.  If you are bringing in food from home, try to liven up what they are eating.  Bring small selections of different things to awaken their taste buds like potato wedges with curry sauce or something with a chilli kick.  Moist foods like soups and stews are also brilliant for those who are having problems chewing.

If you are having problems getting your relative to have protein, what about something like a Peanut Butter Split Smoothie, here is a great recipe which gives a brilliant 13.5 grams of protein in one drink.  Tip, freeze the banana first.

Check out all the food recipe websites and food blogs that are out there now and you really will find something to inspire you to cook, and your relative to eat.

Changing Up My Accessories

When I first found my confidence, everything about what I wore changed.  My clothing turned to dresses, my jewellery became statement and bold; my shoes took more of a backseat instead of having to be the only colourful things I wore.

I have been looking back at my old blog posts and came across one that showed all the costume jewellery that I had been wearing recently.

The thing is, your style evolves.  Whilst I still love costume jewellery and statement pieces, they no longer fit into my clothing collection.  If I were a more fashion forward person, I could probably make them work in interesting ways like I have seen many other bloggers do; but I am not.

I am still a woman that wears dresses 100% of the time, but now, unlike when I started to gain more confidence; every single one of them is patterned.  The jewellery that I want now is more simple, something classic that I can wear day or night.  

I just want one or two simple pieces that are versatile and I don't mind paying a little extra to get them.  After all, if I am wearing one or the other nearly every day, they will pay for themselves (see how I can justify anything?)

So here are some pieces that I have been looking at:

Michael Kors £89

This a bit of a bling piece but as a Michael Kors fan, I cannot resist.  If the pendant was larger, it would not work as a day/night piece but with the size, I could definately rock this for business wear or a cocktail at the bar.

Links of London £65

This is the perfect example of what I am looking for.  Simple, classic and will work with either a day or night time look.  This is definate contender and one I will more than likely purchase.

Mikey £69.30 (on sale from £99)

Again, this is an evening look necklace, but one that I could match with many outfits.  It has a vintage feel to it, which I love.  Very Downton Abbey.

Folli Follie £75

This is another prime contender.  You cannot get much more classic than a heart necklace, but with the double chain and a little bling, I am sold.

So those are my choices.  I am thinking numbers 1 and 4 as being the pieces I will probably go for.  Both need saving for but perhaps one could be a Christmas present from someone?  *Starts writing Christmas list

My Shovel List - Updated

Four years ago I wrote my shovel list.  You know the one, the list that has all things and people that you want to hit in the face with a shovel.

I was rereading my list and it made me laugh.  I got to thinking about some entries that would no longer make it on the list, and many more that would.  So here you go, my updated list.

The Too Happy/Nice People That Clearly Must Be Psychopaths

Bonnie Langford 

Anthea Turner

Morning people

Politics (including those hate groups who try to be political- Limited As I Could Be Here All Night

Donald Trump (obviously)

Nigel Farage (can I hit him twice?)

The EDL

The BNP

UKIP

Britain First 

The Tories

David Cameron

Boris fucking Johnson

Michael Gove 

Jeremy Hunt

I had better stop here....

The Pop Stars List

Coldplay

Justin Bieber

Robin Thicke

Mariah Carey

Robbie Williams (I used to love you Robbie, but now you need a shovel)

The People I Don't Have An Explanation For, They Just NEED A Shovel To The Face List

Sebastian Vettel

Gwyneth Paltrow

Clowns (these need multiple shovels)

The people who make the tampon ads

Pass me the shovel!!!

The "Women Are Evil As They Won't Date Me, Let's Threaten Them Instead" List

Where do I start?

MRAs

MGTOWs

Redpillers

A Voice for Men

Return of the Kings

Roosh V

So there is my list, who is on yours?

August Showers

A fact that is known to anyone saving up for something, be it a holiday, a present for someone or even a present for yourself; is that something unexpected and expensive to fix will always go wrong.

In this case, it is our bathroom.  We have had the same, small and increasingly tired looking shower now for about fifteen years.  One of those things that we should have changed out a while ago, but never got around it. 

Well, this is what procrastination gets you, because now we are told that the floor beneath the shower is sinking and unless we want to disappear into a hole in the floor one day, that floor, and consequently the shower needs replacing.

Can we have these one please?  Will only need a very large extension and about a hundred grand....

Our current shower is small, square and frankly not somewhere that you want to stand and luxuriate it.  As we do not have a bath, I think it is time that we put a little luxury back into our bathroom.  

I cannot believe how many options there are these days, not being one for going around bathroom showrooms (or inspecting people's bathroom fixtures); I was surprised at all the different options and sizes you can buy.

I have narrowed it down to these few options.  Lucky for us, my brother in law is a joiner/plumber/electrician extraordinaire so we can afford to spend a little more on the shower than originally intended.

Offset Quadrant Corner Shower £398.00

I like the idea of the spacing with this shower.  With being a rectange it is much larger than the one we have now, but with the curved edge, it will not take up a massive amount of room.

2 Sided Large Hinge Shower £625.00

I love this lovely large shower, but I feel unfortunately for our small bathroom it would take up more space than we have and the price is a bit on the steep side.

Twin Door Quadrant Shower £433.00

This quadrant shower is a little bigger than the one we currently have, but again with the curve it will save on floor space and is on sale with all the necessities included.

This is still a little more research to get done, but I think we are nearer a decision now.