Going to the Spa Alone is not Heroic

 At least once a year I like to treat myself by booking into our local spa.  

I booked the full day at the spa with coffee and chocolate croissants to start, lounging by the pool and steaming up in the sauna for the morning,  followed by a two course lunch with wine, an afternoon facial and the remainder of the afternoon on a sun lounger, swimming and a frozen mango margarita with my Kindle for the rest of the day.

Sounds perfect doesn't it? It was.

The only irritation in the whole day however was the reaction of some people to my being alone.

I booked the day specifically for myself.  I wanted relaxation, some pampering, some time to myself.  I absolutely loved it.  I have (happily) reached a point in my life where I can go out in public alone with worry or thinking people are looking at me (although apparently some were!)

Spending a day alone doing lovely things was exactly what I needed.  I catered to myself, did what I wanted and I had the perfect day.

Yet twice I was chatting to people and was told that I was brave for being on my own, and that they couldn't do it, but wished that they could.  

But I wasn't being brave, I was enjoying myself.

I think one of the wonderful things about reaching your forties is that you no longer care what people think.  I had a day to pamper myself, I had my kindle to read to entertain myself, I was happy.  I thought nothing of being on my own in the spa, in fact I had arranged for it to be that way.  It was a treat to have some complete time to myself.

The first person who asked me if I was on my own told me I was "brave" and that they couldn't do it.  Fine.  Whatever.  The second however irritated me.  They did not seem to think that it was possible that I could have chosen to be on my own.  "Did your friends not want to come".  "What about your partner".  "Could you not have rearranged it so you had someone with you?"  The idea of my being on my own seemed to slightly shock them.  

I didn't ask them.  I did not ask him either.  No.  I wanted to go on my own!!

When I got home though I started to think.  Could I, would I have gone to the spa alone before?  And the answer is, probably not before I turned 40.  I would have been too self conscious before then.  That is one of the good things about reaching your 40s.  You no longer care what people think.

Yet of the two people who commented on my being alone that day, both looked of a similar age to me.

That is when it occurred to me that the coasting part of my life is done.  The waiting to become who I am.  This is me.  Now.  All of me.

And that me loves a spa day alone, by the pool, sipping a cocktail.  A day of self care and absolute indulgence.  What could be better than that?

From Puberty to Pregnancy to Menopause: The Brutal Truth They Don’t Tell You About Being a Woman

OK.  I am just going to say it.  Being born a woman is bloody awful.  Men, feel free to write your own for your sex.

First, the good years.  You are born, you become a little girl.  You are loved, you are safe.  You get to play with dolls and play.  You make friends when you go to primary school.  All is good and happy in the world.

Then.  Puberty hits.  

For some of us, it hits early.  Breasts start growing (at ten in my case).  What does that mean?  Well firstly, your childhood is over.  Each and every one of us remembers the time when grown men started looking at us and talking to us in ways that we could not understand.  For me, again, ten years old.  Because: breasts.

I still remember a family member saying "Oh you will have all the boys after you now!" I did not want that.  I was a child.  I did not understand it.

Then the hormones start.  You have no clue who you are yet, your body is changing in ways you are not ready for.  You realise that the world is not the safe place you thought it was and that you actually do need protecting.  That safe world you lived in no longer exists.

Plus of course, periods.  Every single month.  For decades.  If you are lucky, you get regular periods.  If not, you get fibroids (me again), endometriosis.  Pain, pain and more pain.  But of course you are a woman so the pain you describe to doctors and consultants is mostly ignored, until finally, years later, sometime actually listens and you get a diagnosis.

Don't want to get pregnant?  Let me introduce to IUDs!!!  Wonderful little things that apparently you do not need pain relief/anesthetic for (plot twist, you really, really do).  Getting one in remains the worse pain that I have ever felt.

Do want to get pregnant?  Get ready for nine months of throwing up, your body changing until you don't recognise it, hair falling out, gestational diabetes, pain and more pain.  Plus of course, going into labour!  Oh the joys!

But of course, even our bodies know that women are screwed so it pumps us full of hormones so we forget just how awful the whole thing was.

Then you have the mother years.  That have not changed since the beginning of bloody time.  We are expected to know all about the child and how to care for it instinctively, from birth plus do majority of childcare, household chores, cooking, laundry, usually also while working because "woman".

Then.  We reach our mid forties.  Sweet sanctuary!!  Our periods stop when we hit menopause.  Let's have a party, we are free!!!! 

But no.  That would be too easy.

Instead, we get the equivalent of the second fucking coming of puberty.  Tears, rage, tears, rage, on repeat.  Plus hot sweats and wondering who you are even are anymore.  Again.

So at this point, what do we have to look forward to next?  Death.  That's it.  Woman's life is over.

Wonderful.  Thanks almighty creator.

As you may be able to tell, I am starting the throws of menopause and I am pissed off.

When Every Hobby Becomes a Side Hustle (And Why That's a Problem)

 There was a time when hobbies were wonderfully pointless.

You baked because you enjoyed baking. You knitted because it kept your hands busy. You painted terrible landscapes that would never leave your spare room. You wrote stories that nobody else would ever read (not projecting at all......).

And that was enough.

Somewhere along the way, though, we decided that simply enjoying something wasn't enough. Every hobby became a business opportunity waiting to happen.

Like baking? Start selling cakes.  Good at photography? Open an Instagram account and charge for shoots.  Enjoy reading? Become a book influencer.  Good at organising? Become a professional decluttering expert.

It feels as though we've reached a point where every pastime is immediately followed by the question, "But how can you make money from it?"

I'm not against people turning their passions into careers. In fact, I admire those who have managed to do it successfully. If you genuinely love what you do and people are willing to pay for it, that's fantastic.

What bothers me is the expectation that you should.  Not everything has to earn its keep.

We've become so obsessed with productivity that we struggle to justify doing anything purely because it makes us happy. If we're spending two hours knitting, someone will inevitably suggest opening an Etsy shop. If we're learning the guitar, someone will ask when we're playing paid gigs. If we enjoy writing, people assume we're trying to become bestselling authors.

Sometimes we're just... writing.

Social media hasn't helped.

Scroll through any platform for long enough and you'll be told that your weekends are wasted if you're not building multiple income streams. Every spare evening apparently needs to be monetised. Every interest should become content. Every talent should become a business.

It's exhausting.

The irony is that turning a hobby into work often changes your relationship with it completely.

When money enters the equation, deadlines follow.  Clients have opinions.  Algorithms demand consistency.

Suddenly the thing that once helped you unwind becomes another item on your to-do list and the joy quietly slips out the back door.

That's not failure. It's simply the reality that work is still work, even when it starts as a passion.  

There's also an odd guilt that creeps in if you're not trying to make your hobbies profitable.  You almost feel as though you're wasting your potential.

"You could sell those."  "You should start a YouTube channel." "You'd make loads doing that."

Maybe.

But maybe I'd rather just enjoy it.

We don't question people who watch television for three hours on a Sunday afternoon, yet we seem uncomfortable with someone spending the same amount of time making pottery that never gets sold.

One is accepted as relaxing.  The other somehow requires a business plan.  There's something quietly rebellious about having a hobby that exists for nobody else.

No audience.  No followers.  No subscribers.  No customers.  Just you.

Not everything needs to be measured by income or productivity. Some things are valuable simply because they make life a little richer.

The same goes for learning something new. We don't have to become experts. We don't need to be the best in the room. We don't need certificates or sponsorship deals or thousands of likes.

We can be gloriously average at something and still enjoy every minute of it.

In fact, there's a certain freedom in being bad at something.  No pressure.  No expectations.  Just progress for the sake of progress.  Maybe that's something we've forgotten.

Life isn't meant to be one endless performance review.

We're allowed to spend time on things that don't improve our CV, grow our bank balance or impress strangers on the internet.

Sometimes the return on investment is simply feeling calmer, happier or more creative than we did yesterday.

That should be enough.  Sometimes it's perfectly okay for something to exist simply because it brings you joy.

In a world that wants to monetise every minute of your free time, protecting a hobby just for yourself might be one of the most valuable things you can do.

Why Self-Care Deserves A Line In Your Budget

 Budgeting in one form or another is always going to be part of my life.  I will never be rich, but if I was, budgeting would still be there.  That is how you stay rich.  If you want to read more about the budgeting tips that I use, you can check out the pages on my blog.

Today I wanted to talk about self-care, and how important it is to include in your budget.

When you think of creating a budget, you think about the bills that go in and out.  How you can manage them, how you can reduce them; what needs to be there and what doesn't.  For me, self-care absolutely needs to be there.

As you may have gathered from my older clothing blogging posts, I love dressing up and wearing makeup.  I like to have my hair looking nice, I usually have some form of makeup on and I wear a dress, every single day.  The way that I present myself to the world is part of my self-care.  It makes me happy.

Things that I typically do for my beauty self-care are having my roots done every eight weeks, along with having my eyebrows tinted and waxed.  I have also added in having a pedicure to that eight week cycle.  

I also try to go for a spa day twice a year, including a facial.  I book in for the full day, take my kindle, go alone and honestly it is so wonderfully indulgent.  Taking the whole day to relax, reading, clearing my pores and my mind in the steam room and having a facial just puts the cherry on the cake.

I also try to buy at least one book a month.  Losing myself in a story and taking that time to myself is important for my self-care.   My partner has a huge book collection of things that I would not normally read, but would like to; so I try to read one from the book shelf and buy something on Kindle more in my sphere every month.

All this adds up of course.  This is part of the reason that I budget so carefully in all areas.  These things I do for myself are important to me and for me.  Doing my budgeting has made it possible to do those things.

You can be clever about the beauty side of self care too.  I always ask for face or eye masks for stocking fillers at Christmas.  My in-laws buy me vouchers for Christmas and birthdays for the spa, meaning there is much less to pay when I book.

I also try to buy products in bulk, utilising 3 for 1, or even better 3 for 2 offers in shops such as Boots, as well as making use of the advantage card.  

One major help is that I use Topcashback for many online purchases throughout the year.  I always buy my insurance (home, car, pet) through them and other purchases where I can, which again offsets the amount of money that I spend on self-care.  This can result in a few hundred pounds by the end of the year.

Taking time for yourself is important and also does not have to cost a thing.  I try to take some time for myself every day.  This could be reading my book, putting on a face mask, or writing here.  I try to list at least one thing every day that makes me happy and that I am grateful for.

Self-care also means that sometimes, you are going to have a bad day.  Learnt from Tuesdays with Morrie, I allow myself a period of time to let myself feel that way, let it all out and then I feel that I can move on.  Bottling up sadness is not healthy.  Even if it is simply just a bad day at work.

Self-care may not be at the top of your budget list, but it absolutely needs to be there.

When Courage Feels Too Big: Breaking Bravery Down Into Simple Steps

“Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say move aside, you are in the way.” – Melissa Tumino 

I used to think that being brave meant taking a giant leap.  Believing in yourself enough to do something completely out of your comfort zone.  Facing a fear head on.

The truth is that bravery can start with a tiny step.  Sometimes looking at the end goal or the whole picture of what you want to achieve can be intimidating.  Too easy to put off.  I will try another day.  That turns into another week, another year.

When I decided that I wanted to change my life, I had spent years procrastinating.  I had a life in my mind that I wanted to have, things that I wanted to accomplish, but they loomed so large that my fear stopped me from moving forward.

What helped me in the end was breaking down my goal into small steps.  Each step I took, however small, was onward motion.  This helped to carry me forward to the next step.  Then the next.  Suddenly, the goal that I wanted to achieve was over half way to being achieved and I had the success of the steps I had taken behind me to encourage me on and help to negate my fear.

I will tell you about one such goal, which sounds so small now, but was huge at the time.

I had been invited to a press day for a fashion brand in London.  Hundreds of miles away from where I lived.  There would be press there, competition winners, the designer himself.   It involved getting to London, staying over, finding the venue, chatting with people I did not know.  Navigating London.  Getting home.

When I was first invited, all of that seemed impossible to me.  I was terrified.  But I wanted to, so very much.

So I broke it down into tiny pieces.  The ad agency booked my train tickets and hotel stay so I didn’t need to worry about that.  But everything else was planned to the last detail.

How to get to the train station.  How long the train ride would be.  I found a map showing where I would get off.  Then got precise directions of how to get to the tube station I needed.  Times.  Pictures.  Then from the tube station, I printed out walking directions to my hotel.  How long it should take.  Relevant landmarks/shops so I knew I was on the right track.

I found out which other bloggers were going to the event and started chatting with two of them so that I would know at least someone.  I chose four different outfits so I had choice when the inevitable "I can't wear that" moment came.  I figured out all the times of when I need to leave the hotel, how I would get back.

I did not think about the big picture of what I was doing for the whole time.  I focused completely on succeeding with each step with a check box in my mind.  

It was only when I got to Euston and went through the barrier to the train home that I actually allowed myself to breath.  But I had done it.  Accomplished every single step, no matter how small.  I was changed as a result.

I have taken many steps since that day.  Some big. Some small.  But all are progress.  I am so very different to the scared and anxious girl that I was.  This is because of the steps I have taken.

So next time you want to do something but think you cannot, break it down into small pieces.  Next time you are scared to do something, take tiny steps towards it.  Before you know it, that thing that scared you so will have been done and you will no longer be scared.

I try to push myself every day and try to remember the progress that I have made, looking back at all the steps that I took to get to this place.

“Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine”  Roy T Bennett

Paid, Pacified and Going Nowhere - The Problem with Universal Basic Income

Universal Basic Income is something that we have been hearing about off and on for the past few years in the UK. In 2020 170 MPs and peers advocated for lobby for a Universal Basic Income to be brought into effect countrywide.

Poverty is nothing new to the UK, or the world.  Millions of Britons face fuel poverty with the ever increasing energy prices.  In 2022, 1047 people died as a result of living in a cold, damp home.  According to data from the House of Commons, 18% of Britons were in absolute poverty after housing costs in 2023/24.  This figure is on the rise.

In June 2023 it was announced that a Universal Basic Income trial was to take place over a two year period by think tank The Autonomy Institute.  Thirty people from the areas Jarrow and North East England and Finchley in North London would given £1600 a month (£1200 after tax) for two years, with no conditions attached; whether they were in work or not.  The results of this trial have not yet been released but the proposal details can be found here.

The trial is to see what effect this money will have on people’s physical and mental health. Whether that extra money can have an impact on the quality of life, see how that money is used and how people's lives changed as a result.

I believe that a Universal Basic Income (hereafter called UBI) is a terrible idea.  If I have learned anything about the way this country is going, moreover how it is being run, I know that UBI will not start, but will end as another element of control.

UBI sounds great in principle, reducing poverty, improve wellbeing and boost income security; but in reality, how would UBI play out?

Although the study as mentioned above is giving participants £1600 per month before tax, in all likelihood, a nationwide UBI would be something more like £400 per month.  This would come at a cost of £200 billion annually, more than the cost of the NHS.

Where would that money come from?  Tax payers.  Some of the same people who would also receive the money.  Higher income tax, VAT, National Insurance.  They would effectively be giving with one hand and taking from the other.

But also, how would UBI be placed in relation to other benefits?  Would Job Seeker's Allowance disappear?  Housing benefits would likely still have to be in play.  It would have to be.  Unless housing was completely reformed, and that is something we should not wish to contemplate.  I have visions of the tower blocks of the 1980s returning.

There is no benefit really to anyone receiving UBI.  The workers would be taxed more.  The people who do not work will receive less benefits and become poorer.  The workers will not be able to sustain funding UBI.

What I do know is that UBI will never be for the good of the people.  At first, it will seem marvelous.  More money!  But then, drip by drip, control of how that money will be spent will come to pass.  Eventually that money will not be money at all, but vouchers.  Then control of how you spend the vouchers.  No petrol for you, you drove 20 miles last month.  No red meat for you or double the cost, think of the environment.

What we know about the government, no matter who is in power, is that they have a game plan that has nothing to do with benefitting the people.  But don't look at the man behind the curtain.  Look, free money!  

Nothing in this life is free.

We live in a world where children no longer want to be astronauts or surgeons, they want to be streamers.  A world where a horrifying number of young girls are turning to Only Fans.  A world where AI will be replacing more and more workers.  A world where people converse online but say nothing to each other's faces.

All this is part of a plan.  What plan, I do not know.  But I know one thing, if the Government could convince a country to sing "Don't Look Back In Anger" after the bombing at the M.E.N, they are capable of anything.

Tips For The Holiday Packing Checklist

I have been fortunate enough to have had a number of holidays in my life and there is one thing that I have learned from all of them.   You need to pack for the holiday you are going to have, the real one.  Not the one in your head.

If you are anything like me, your ideal amount of time packing is 20-30 minutes.  Throw some things into a suitcase and done.  However, the problem with doing that is that you have not planned.  Which inevitably means, overpacking.

The devil is in the details (or the weight limit on your suitcase in this case).  I therefore use a few tips to stop overpacking and keep the weight under the limit.

Wear It, Don't Pack It

Shoes are always the thing that weights my suitcase down and takes me over the limit.  Repeat after me, you do not need as many shoes as you think.  

I tend to wear my "can wear day time or evening" sandals to the airport.  That means black, comfortable and classic.  The kind that goes with shorts, dresses, anything.  That is one pair of shoes you don't need to pack.  

Also, weather dependent, I also wear a pair of shorts, a tank top and also wear the cardigan that I always take in case I need it in the evenings.

Clothes

Go light on shorts and tops.  If you are going on a sunbathing holiday, you usually just end up throwing on a floaty dress/cover up over your swimwear when going for lunch and maybe a pair of shorts.  I wore two tops for the week last time I went on holiday.  I took seven.

Indulge in swimwear and floaty cover ups.  They take up zero room.  Room you will need for evening attire.  I am a dress person.  I wear dresses every day.  I am not a separates girl.  I take ten (yes I am going for seven days).   But you and I both know that you need more.   The heat, the amount of food you have snacked on, how you feel on the day; all mean that that dress you thought would be perfect, is now the last thing you want to wear.  Take more.

Underwear - pretty much standard.  Seven pair of knickers (or panties for you American readers) and three bras which you can wash through as needed.

Products

Take minis and commit to leaving the residue of them in the hotel room at the end.  These you also need to make a list for to avoid overpacking.   These can really take up space (and weight) in your suitcase and are always my downfall.  

The only full size items should be sun tan lotion and an after sun.  

Here is what I recommend for the mini products:

Shower gel, moisturiser, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, hair heat protector spray, facial hydration spray (your skin will thank you), facial wash, make-up setting spray and micellar water.   Don't be tempted to just take make up wipes.  They are even worse for your skin in hot weather.  Also, something to wash your clothes (swimsuit, bras).  

Before you put them in your suitcase, commit to removing things.   You don't need an exfoliator.  You won't use it.  I promise.  Also, no hair oil.  You won't use it and you can guarantee that will be the thing that leaks over everything,

Be Realistic About Make-Up

This is an area where I have managed to massively cut down over the years.  I used to take my full make-up bag with me, but this is weighty and half the products I end up not using. So.....

Waterproof Mascara, eyeliner, a mini eyeshadow pallet, concealer (two shades to match when my skin tans), blusher, face powder.  I can get away with not wearing foundation on holiday so I don't take it.  A eyeshadow brusher, an all rounder blending brush.  Two lip glosses and a red lipstick.  Done.

Buy It, Don't Pack It

A hat for the sun is something obligatory.  This is something I don't use here, so I will be buying one on holiday.  I usually try to pick up a cheap hat while I am on holiday and I always leave it there.  A waste of £5-10?  No.  It will flatten in your suitcase anyway and takes up room.  Just buy one.

The Airport Bag

A tip I have here is buy a nice beach bag, not a cheap one and one with pockets.  Use that as your airport bag.  

Also, do not underuse your airport bag.  Although you don't want to weigh yourself down carrying it around the airport, you can take some necessary items in there that you don't need then to pack.  Remember to put any make-up items, facial spray etc already in a clear plastic bag to save time.

I usually put my moisturiser in and my facial spray.  My perfume goes in there also and my lip glosses.  I also put my sunglasses in, my kindle, my earbuds and charging case, my phone/kindle charger and most importantly, a couple of pairs of underwear and a swimsuit (just in case my luggage heaven forbid gets lost).  I also take all my currency, separated into my purse and an envelope in each zip pocket.  

Take Something Multi Purpose For Your Hair

I take my Dyson.  Other cheaper brands work well too.  I can dry, straighten and curl my hair all in one tool instead of taking multiple appliances.

Prior Preparation

I always get my hair cut before I go on holiday as it grows like crazy when I am on holiday.  I also get my eyebrows waxed and tinted (go a shade darker than normal to account for fading in the sun) plus a pedicure with gel on my toes so I don't need to worry about touch ups.  You could also have a spray tan done if you don't want to look off the plane pasty white, but to be honest, I never bother with that.  Take anti-histamines for a month before you go so you don't get eaten alive and take that Imodium.  I learned the hard way.

The general rule of thumb is to lay out everything you are going to take, then remove at least one item from each pile, excluding underwear.  There are shops where you are going.  Never fear!

And finally....

Leave Room To Bring Things Home

Taking mini products with you and hopefully with the tips above meaning that you are already under the weight limit means that you don't need to limit yourself on holiday trinkets.   Every single time I go on holiday I end up buying a new handbag and something ceramic for my kitchen.  Just don't go for fake labels and ceramics with the place name on them.  Always tacky and always insta regret when you get home.

Other than that, have a wonderful holiday!