Life Does Begin at 40

Everyone knows the phrase "Life begins at 40".  But I don't really think that it is something that you can ever understand, until you actually reach your 40s.

Let's face it, being in your 20s and 30s is a lot of fun, but also has a lot of pressure attached to it, whether you are a woman or a man, but I am a woman, so here is my perspective.

Your 20s and 30s are all about goals, societal pressures; family pressures; trying to find "the one".  Educate yourself, find the right career, establish yourself in that career, find your partner, have a family (if you choose to), look after your children, juggle, everything.

They say that your frontal lobe does not fully develop until you hit 25, but it isn't really until you reach your 40s that you actually start to become yourself and more than that, own who you are.   You care less what people think.  You have spent enough time with yourself to actually know who you are, what you want and what makes you happy.  What makes you, you and what makes you tick.  You no longer feel the need to fit in.

These days I think of life as being in two halves.  The life you had before 40 and the one you have after.  Each can be amazing, but different.

The first half of my life was not amazing.  But everything after I turned 40 has been on an upward trajectory that still has not stopped.  I am happier every single year.  I remind myself of that every day.  How lucky I am.  

I think what I have realised as I have grown and especially since I hit my 40s is that we are not passengers in this life.  We need to interact, move through life and not become stagnant.   We need to truly look at ourselves.  Our flaws, our talents.  Things we would like to change.  Things that we would like to promote.

And then do it.

Take the leap.  Do the scary thing.  Say the thing you aren't supposed to.  Do, whatever the hell you want to.  Say no when you want.  Say yes when you want.  Look into yourself and heal your demons because now you are stronger than they are.

When you hit menopause, ride that wave.  You will find that you no longer give a fuck, about anything; and that is just wonderful.

I will always remember my grandmother who used to be such a well dressed lady, with beautiful auburn hair.  When she reached 65, she stopped bothering to dye her hair and she cared much less about what she wore.  In one way I think hell yes, embrace who you are and don't dress for other people.  

But the reason she gave for the change in her ways was simply "I am old now".  She accompanied this by not doing anything else with her life, apart from sitting and watching television.  She ended up having over 20 years more in her life, yet she had decided that her life had ended at 65.  I never want that to happen to me.

Since reaching my 40s, I have grown more as a person than I have for the previous 40 years.  I have had the courage to try new experiences, see and do new things.  For example, I love music and there have been DJs that I have always wanted to see.  In the past few years I have seen the majority of DJs that I have always wanted too; with the remaining two coming up in the next year. 

My 20s and 30s were the grounds on which I started to learn who I was.  Now I know who I am, what I am and what I am capable of.  I advocate for myself now.   I am proud of who I have become and the journey I have taken to get there.

I care nothing now of what other people think about me.  If you like me, wonderful.  If you don't, goodbye.  I will not waste my time, energy and love on people who do not deserve it.  I will not waste my thoughts on people whom I would not take advise from.

Reaching your forties equals freedom.  Freedom of your mind.  Freedom to be yourself with no apologies.  The freedom to go and have that meal in a restaurant on your own if you want to, or indulge a spa day for some self care.

Everyone has dreams and aspirations.  Be it a successful career, a family, being married, goals you have set for yourself.  All of those things are good, but if you are not happy in yourself, there will always be something missing.

Being in my 40s now means that there is nothing missing.  I found myself.  I found the life I wanted to have, and I am living it.  I have friends, loved ones, my partner.  There is no lacking in my life because I do the things that I want.  

Your earlier life was work.  Working on yourself, who you wanted to be, what you wanted to be.  Living up to expectations, or at least trying to.  Trying to please other people, meet their expectations.  Saying yes when you really meant no.

Reaching your 40s means that that journey is over.  Your new one begins and the best part, you can take the rest of your life wherever you want.  On your terms.

Embrace it.  Enjoy it.  We only get one life.  Let's really live it.