Rescuing Yourself

One day you will wake up and realise that you no longer need to be rescued.

Because you have rescued yourself. 

That is the best feeling in the whole world.  And the most important one.  Better than anything.  Better even than falling in love with the right person.

Because rescuing yourself requires growth.  It requires hard work.  It requires looking at yourself in the mirror, really looking.  It requires staring at your demons in the face and fighting back.

It is becoming strong enough to you know that you can win.

Anyone who has ever experienced sadness, pain and depression in their lives know how hard it is not to wallow.  Not to sink into it.  Not to throw your pain in a chained up box in your mind.

The thing with locked boxes in your mind is that you can hear those chains rattle.  They may be invisible to the naked eye, but they weigh you down.

Going through pain and sadness is sometimes like trying to walk through treacle.  With quick sand underneath.  The more you try to move, the further stuck you get and the more you sink.

But you can come out of the other side.  I did.

I always knew that there was a fight in me that one day I would win.  The voice inside my head that once screamed “don’t you dare”.  The being inside me that still, after everything, had hope.

Over the past couple of years, I did the mind equivalent of cracking myself open like an egg and letting all the bad things slide out of me.  The locked boxes were torn open.  The chains were thrown away. 

I will not lie to you that each time I did that, there was pain.  Because the pain was no longer in a box.  No longer hidden.  It is staring right back at you in the face, daring you to fight back.  It circles you, unsure as to what you will do next. 

Sink once again, or swim?

But I am strong.  I am brave.  I had fought the fight once before and gained some ground.  This time though, I knew that I was the strongest I had ever been. 

And I fucking won.

The last time I cracked my eggshell was nearly a year ago now.  It was and will always be the most perfect moment of my life. 

To walk around in your own mind, with sunshine pouring in all around you.  Open.  Calm.  Free.  Peace.  Happy.

Before, I kept my sadness inside.  Hidden as best as I could from the world. 

Now, I let the world flood into me.    I am open.  I embrace happiness.  I feel peace.

I rescued myself.   

And so can you.