The problem with growth and self reflection is that you do not realise how far you have come from the person you used to be and how you are viewed by others.
I am not the same person that I was twenty years ago. Ten years ago. Hell, one year ago.
The problem with finding out who you are, becoming that person and living that life is that you change a lot in the process; and some people will not like the new you.
Ironic really, isn't it? You spend so many years trying to become the person that you knew you could be, and now people don't like or are unsure about the new you.
What is important to realise is that not everyone is going to like you and you need to realise that that can include people that you know. You need to understand that people change, not just you, and the relationships you had before were based on the person you used to be. Which can be quite different to the person you are now.
I never used to have an opinion on anything. If I did, I kept it to myself. I looked to other people's expressions on a topic before forming or showing my own. I was quiet. I gave up pieces of myself in the hope of being liked or loved. But I always knew that that was not me.
Now, I have thoughts and opinions on everything. Some controversial (to some), some not. I know who and what I am and I like it. I like who I am. I have no wish to change. I change for me, not anyone else.
I am the flip coin side of myself and while I am happy with the person that I have become.... No. That is wrong. I have changed, yes, but become is the wrong word. Because this is the person I was meant to be. It is akin to the metamorphosis of the caterpillar to the butterfly.
The butterfly was always meant to be. As was I.
I have not become somebody else. I have removed the things that were stopping me from being myself.
I think that the problem I have not fully realised until very recently is that I have lived inside all of the changes inside me within my own head. All the updates. Others have not. I have always been a person who had seemed to be one thing for a long time, but then moves quickly and that change can be jarring for people.
Seeing someone improve their confidence, their outlook, their happiness is one thing. Seeing someone who appears completely different from the person that they knew, is another. They may not like that new person. You have to accept that.
That, I think, is the hardest thing about becoming the person that you were meant to be. That relationships may change or you may lose people. The latter is the hardest to accept. That the person you have fought so very hard to be is one that they no longer like, or perhaps just understand.
They may just need time to adjust to the new one, or, they may distance themselves from you. It is important to take a step back and re-evaluate. Do you need to take a step back from trying with that person. Do you need to simply wait and see how things are.
Decisions do not need to be made overnight. But relationships cannot be forced just because they were the same way for a long time. You are different now and as such, so is that relationship. That does not mean that you have done anything wrong. It does not mean that they are wrong for not liking or understanding the updated you.
Ultimately, that is the final (and hardest) lesson in accepting yourself. Not everyone will like your butterfly self, and that is ok.
