18 February 2013


There is saying that you have confidence, and actually putting it into action.  This weekend has turned out to a milestone in confidence.
On Saturday night I was helping my mum out with a party.  She had decided to have a 60’s themed quiz as part of the evening and wanted me to be her “quiz master”.  Anyone who knows me would know that ordinarily, this would be the last thing in the world I would agree to.  Speaking to a room full of strangers, 12 people all looking at me, no way, no how.
After a little coercion however I agreed.  But then a strange thing happened.  Instead of the usual shy, embarassed, avoiding eye contact & get this over as quickly as possible girl, another girl appeared. 
I had just finished reading out the fifth question when suddenly I realised that I sounded different.  My voice was at normal tone, I was looking people in the eye and engaging, even joking with the people in the room.  People I had never met before.  This was a first.  A milestone reached.  An ability to be in a room full of people, and just be myself.
The next night I was talking to a friend on Twitter and I said something to her which again just flowed straight out of me, which I never would have thought, never mind said before:

"I've spent 33 years thinking 'I'll be happier when I'm thinner'. Now I worry first if I'm happy, which is healthier."

I reread that tweet this morning on the bus to work and I'll admit,  as daft as it may sound, my eyes filled up.  Because I'm happy.  Because I felt confident enough to say it to someone else.  Because it wasn't about the way I look, it was the way I felt. 

I'm not saying that suddenly all of my confidence issues are cured, tomorrow I may be back to being Holly Golightly but it's some damn good progress ;)

Have you have a confidence milestone?


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