Emotionally Correct?

I was watching a video from Huffington Post with Sally Kohn who was talking about emotional correctness and I found what she was saying really interesting.

When it comes to political correctness, many people are now habitually correct in the words that they use, but what I have come across on many occasions it that the meaning behind their words is hollow.  If you don’t actually have any foundation or belief behind your words then it doesn’t matter how politically correct you are.

 

Being politically correct without the emotional attachment to it is pointless.  You shouldn’t have to try to be politically correct; this is something that you should already be.  Saying the right thing because you might get in problem isn’t the same as feeling that way.

 

Being emotionally correct to others can sometimes be hard, or it can be when you are particularly passionate about a subject and someone disagrees.

 

I confess that I am guilty of becoming angry or close minded when someone has the opposing view to mine, particularly for example when it comes to the rights to a woman’s body.  I am very much pro choice in a woman’s right to have an abortion and this is something that I have been fervent about on many occasions. 

I can find it hard to acknowledge the other person’s point of view when it comes to things I care about deeply and this is something that I am most keen to rectify within myself this year.  Everyone has a right to their opinion and should not be shouted down. 

 

Having a calm discussion with someone of opposing views to your own is always the thing to aim for.  Problems are never resolved by who can shout the loudest nor can viewpoints be taken seriously or considered when they are laced with sarcasm and ridicule.

My new resolution for this year (yes, a little late) is to really listen to people when they have a differing stance to myself.  How do you really know how to properly feel about a subject until you have heard all of the contrasting arguments?

 

Just something that is floating around in my head at the moment.

For All the Women

Just a small post from me today but I wanted to mark the fact that it is International Women's Day.

To the women who fought to enable my right to vote, to the women who are a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves,  to the women who shout back against prejudice and not blend into the shadows, to the women I read on a daily basis who enabled me to step out from behind my own shadow, to the women in my life that I love:

Thank you.

My body is my own, it will not be governed by others. My thoughts are what I choose them to be and are not what I am told what they should be. I will wear what I want and will not accept your judgement of me.  My head is high and I am worth it.

My mission today is to make another woman feel good today. Compliment each other. You are amazing.

Page Three

I have had the page three debate rolling around in my head for a while now.  What made me want to write about it today was the glamour model that appeared in Celebrity Big Brother and the comments that I saw about her.  The particular comment that made me sad was that her parents would be ashamed of her, because of her profession.  It just strikes me as being very small minded.

The campaign is based upon the twofold reasons of both objectifying women and also been a bad influence on children. 

Firstly, you say that having a topless woman on page three is causing men to continue to objectify women.  The page is torn out; pull on a wall; “used”; etc.  But naked women are not only found on page three.  They are found in fashion magazines, everywhere.  The only difference is that it is labelled as art and is therefore fine.  The page can still be torn out and used however the buyer of the magazine wants to.

 

Not to be crass, but men like naked women and whether that nakedness is in a newspaper or magazine makes not a jolt of difference. 

 

People also complain that children could be subjected to these images.  I grew up with seeing page three photographs and they did not scar me in any way.  Your son is not going to grow up to be a rapist because he saw a pair of breasts in a newspaper.

 

Magazines, just like newspapers are frequently left in trains, buses, park benches.  So yes a child could be passing, pick up the newspaper, turn to page three and see a pair of breasts.  But they could similarly open a fashion magazine and see a woman entirely naked, albeit strategically posed. 

 How do you explain differently the reasons behind each?  Six year old Danny looks at two images and says “Look Mummy, those ladies aren’t wearing any clothes”.  Do you respond that one image is right and one is wrong?  Why is the topless photograph wrong?  I would suggest that telling your child that looking at a naked image is wrong is far more harmful in the long run than the images.

 

They are just pictures.  We are born naked and there is nothing wrong with the naked image.  You can choose to objectify an image or not.

 

H&M recently launched a new underwear campaign with David Beckham in his pants.  Did I stare?  Yes of course I did.   Did I think wow he looks damn hot?  Yes I did.  For those moments he was a body I was looking at and that was the point of the ad.  He had sold his image in order to sell underwear.  Did I judge him? No.  Did I think that he was less of a person for selling those images?  No.

 Now the question I ask is how is that different to a woman who sells her image to page three?   She is selling her image of her own free will in order to sell newspapers for her employer.  Is she being exploited?  No.  It is her chosen profession.  Who is anyone to judge her for that?

 

In a world where women’s rights to their own bodies are being ever more restricted, in a country where female genital mutilation is being carried out right under our noses, in a time where sex workers are stigmatized rather than helped and protected against violence, isn’t it time that the feminist movement worried about something more than just a pair of breasts?

Great Expectations

First, a Very Long Foreword 

I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago, before the veritable shitstorm that happened and is still happening on Twitter in what seems to be escalating into a full out war between men and women.

Putting my two pence worth in, in relation to the banning lad’s mags, do I want them banned?  As long as women are happy to be paid to pose in them and men want to read them, carry on as far as I am concerned.

Lads mags have been around for decades and no children’s minds have been warped as a result of seeing a naked/half naked body on the front of a cover. 

Both men’s and women’s bodies are splayed over countless magazines in various forms of dress and undress and all telling you how the “ideal body” should be.  All magazines show images of how we are “supposed” to look and banning lad’s magazines won’t do a damn thing.

If you don’t like a magazine, don’t buy it.  Censorship of what we see and think is already up on the up, let’s not help it.  If you object to the magazines purely for prudish reasons, then I suggest you simply don't buy them and avert your eyes. 

 

With regard to the absolutely horrendous abuse that Caroline Craido Perez and others have been experiencing this week, the level of rape and death threats have astounded me.  It is easy to say "just block and report" to someone, but how is that even possible when at one point she was receiving upwards of 50 threats AN HOUR.

I applaud Caroline for not staying quiet and for instead, shouting back.  Staying quiet in the face of abuse never solved anything. 

This isn't men v women or visa versa.  Women don't hate all men and not all men are rapists.  We are talking about a small section of the population here who are throwing abuse.  It needs to be dealt with, but talks of things like a Twitter strike isn't the way forward.  I am not sure what is.  Whether a “report” button will work on Twitter, I have my doubts as it could quite clearly work in the troll’s favour too.

Back to my original post

What I have wrote below has long been society’s view of women, and in society I include men and women because we are accountable in some ways for views and assumptions that are still maintained.

So here is what I originally wrote:

Sometimes I think that we pass through life with one person after another imposing on you who you should be, what you should look like, what you should wear, what is appropriate to say, do, think.  Everyone has an opinion and sometimes, your opinion seems to be at the bottom of the pile.

What I was thinking about today was how much of that have we assimilated?  Are we drinking the Kool Aid of what we should and shouldn’t do, say, think, be?

Some of it is what society tells us, some is passed down through our families and some through popular culture.  I was always told for example (from various sources) that “A lady doesn’t swear” .  Well fuck that.

Recently Joanna Lumley told us that women shouldn’t wear provocative clothing… Although I think she worded it as “Silly girls in silly dresses”.  Victim blaming is nothing new, and it comes from both sexes.

If you think about all the things that women are supposed to be and do, the list is quite astonishing.  In more than one corner of the world, all of them will be said to you or be presumed of you at some point.

A lady shouldn’t swear.
If you wear provocative clothing, you are “asking for it”.
Dress conservatively and you will classed as matronly or an old maid.
You must conform with society’s version of attractive.
A lady should be quiet, subservient, well spoken.
Be a lady in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom.
“Putting out” on the third date is expected.
Remember: No man will buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free.
You must remain perfectly groomed at all times.
All woman want children.  If you don’t there is is something wrong with you.
A man shouting “Nice tits, can I cop a feel” at you across the street should be replied with a smile not a rebuke.
You can have control of your own body, but only if society says that you can.
Be thin.  If you aren’t then any abuse you receive is your own fault.
Be a “good” girl (whatever that is).  Nice guys don’t marry bad girls.

 The list goes on and on and on.  I can’ listen anymore because it is getting depressing.   How many of you have heard had many of the above said or applied to you.  I certainly have.  You cannot possibly be all of these things all at the same time.  It's possible.  So let's not be.

It’s for change ladies.   It’s time to rip up the goddamn rule book and do things our way. 

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”

― Coco Chanel

An 18th Century View

In today's society you can change laws, but changing views takes far longer.

We see ourselves today as a progressive society.  Our 21st century views in many cases would seem foreign, and unheard of back and in some cases scandalous in the 18th and 19th century, and yet some prejudices still remain to this day.

 

Daybreak this morning asked the question "Can women who are drunk or flirty ever be blamed for being attacked?"

 

How can it be that this question is still being asked, let alone why anyone would ever say yes as an answer. 

 

      If a house is burgled, is it the fault of the home owner for having a nice house?

      If a drunk man with his top off walks in front of a group of gay men, is he "Asking for it"?
 

      If someone steals money from their employer, is it the fault of the employer for having a lot of
      money?
 

      If a man is robbed in the street, is the first question "But had you been drinking sir?"

 

These questions are never asked, purely because a) They are nonsensical and b) The answer is either no, or "Why are you asking irrelevant questions?".

No will always be no.  Let's treat victim blaming as what it is.  An archaic view that has no place in society.

It’s Illogical, But Then, So Am I

I believe in making an effort when I go to work. You will usually find me in nice shoes, a dress, make-up etc. Don't get me wrong though, I am not the oompa loompa type with false eyelashes, three inches of make-up and hair extensions.

The hair though, confuses me.

Like everyone, I get the days when I get up too late to do anything with it, or have washed it the night before, going to bed with it still wet which means I closely resemble someone who has stuck their fingers in a plug socket in the morning.

Those are the days though when I people have complimented me on my hair. When I haven't done a damn thing with it and I have looked in the mirror and gone "Eek!".

The first time it happens I presumed it was that thing that people do, lie to someone about their very bad hairdo by telling them it's lovely. On a side note, I wouldn't do that. If I don't know you, I am not going to lie to you about something and if you are a friend, I would tell you straight. Well I would direct you to a comb at least.

Anyway, this happened a couple of times and then today, hair messy, I got asked if I was going on a date at lunch as my hair was nice. Then later, someone else commented, asking me what I had done as they wanted to do something similar.

WTF is going on people?

So today I have drawn a conclusion, why spend the time doing my hair, when it looks better when I just crawl out of bed? Although of course, being a woman, I will continue to ignore my own advice and carry on with the straighteners.

Slut Means Speak Up

The slut walk - see this website for details : http://slutmeansspeakup.org.uk/

A woman should be able to be who she wants, dress as she wants, work at want she wants without repercussion of judgement.  Time and time again, and I have heard it said myself, you hear "She deserved it, did you see what she was wearing?" or similar such comments.

Regardless of what you do, what you wear, no woman deserves to be raped and I guarantee that no woman is ever "asking for it".  We are in the 21st century, women have earned the right to be heard, to choose for themselves, to be their own person, the battle for women's rights has been going on for years and years, and yet still, we are judged for what we wear or who we are.

All women didn't have the vote until 1928 and before, and indeed after that, women had limited options.  The slightest different behaviour labelled you "fast" and if you were stuck in a bad, abusive marriage, you were stuck with it.  The next generation, like my mum, many of whom were still "the little women".  Job options were limited to the female type jobs, secretary, nurse etc but they did get to chose when to have a family.  The option then was clear though, career or family, you couldn't have both.

In my generation people say you can have it all.  Career of what you want, family, if and when you want.  Our options are limitless.  Yet still, our actions are judged more than men, the way we act, dress, do, work.

I do have a point I am trying to make here but am rambling as usual, the point is this.  We need to change our opinions and views on women so that when the worst happens and a woman is raped, she isn't judged by what she was wearing, how she was acting.  No woman deserves it.

We are who we are, we dress how we want, we do want we want.  You can't give us the freedom to be, do and work and then turn around and judge us for what we are.

See the website for a better view of what I am trying to say!