Friday Rant

There has been something swirling round in my head for a while now, so where better to let it out than here?  So here we go:

Phobias.  There are thousands of phobias in the world.  Some of them are commonly known such as claustrophobia or arachnophobia; others not so, like Bambakomallophobia (fear of cotton wool) or climacophobia (fear of stairs).

I have previously talked about my phobias when it comes to stairs on this blog.  For those that haven’t read: I get dizzy when coming down stairs and have to hold on to the handrail.  If there is no hand rail my head starts to spin and I have practically morph myself into the wall to get me down the stairs.  Going up, my foot has to be touching the step in front and again, have to hold the handrail for dear life.  In short, stairs terrify me, even as little as three steps.

Whilst this phobia isn’t debilitating it is something that I face every day as obviously it is impossible to completely avoid staircases.  My workplace has the biggest staircase ever, go figure.

That isn’t the issue that has been irritating me though.  Here is where I am having my little strop.

I am SICK of people laughing at me when they see me on the stairs.  I can understand somebody the first time of seeing me asking me why I am going so slowly (although I fail to understand why you would ask someone who is clearly having issues with the staircase questions whilst they are still on staircase).  I don’t mind explaining the first time because it does look odd.  But after that, there is no excuse.

It is RUDE to laugh at me, it is WHOLLY impolite to say “Oh aren’t you funny” and it is FUCKING HORRIBLE to run down the stairs at me on purpose when you know damn well that I am scared.

You wouldn’t do anything of those things to someone with a better known phobia.  You wouldn’t trap a claustrophobic person into a wardrobe and you wouldn’t throw a spider at an arachnophobic person so don’t behave that way towards me.  It isn’t something I chose to be affected by and I can’t just “get over it” and I can’t “just try walking down the stairs normally” (really??? Never thought of that, you fuckwit).

And……. Breath.

I feel much better after saying that.  Sometimes you just have to get a little rant on and everything feels better again.  Apologies for the swearing and not “using my words” but sometimes, nothing but the word fuck will do.

10 Day You Challenge–Day 3!

Today is eight fears.

Fear I think is something much more personal to share than things you love.  You can have irrational fear, illogical fear, unfounded fear and secret fear, all as real as one another but we share them with others than the things we love.

1. Spiders.  Probably something on a lot of people’s lists.  But seriously, NOTHING needs that many legs.  The spiders that turn up in my house I swear have been down to the gym first.  They are always huge and can run like a mothertrucker.
2. Open stairs.  As I mentioned on day one, I have a problem with stairs, but when faced with a set of open stairs, I break out into a sweat and start to panic.  I would rather face a charging Rhino than open stairs.
3. The thought that I might never meet someone who gets my brand of crazy, and loves me still, scares the hell out of me.  I don’t want to walk through this life to the end on my own.
4. A secret fear, that no one knows about, is that for some reason I am getting increased scared to be a passenger in a car.  I gave my car up about 5 years ago (not for this reason) but always loved driving and being in a car, preferably fast down a motorway.  Now I am increasingly getting scared.  I will beat this fear. 
5. The dentist.  I’ve never had or needed more than a scrape and polish all my life until last year when I knocked a tooth loose and needed an extraction.  Combining 1 emergency dentist, 1 tooth out and anaesthetic which I’ve never had before numbing my entire throat equalled a panic attack outside of the dentist, unable to breath.  Since then I am a quivering wreck in the waiting room and in the chair.  Note to self, take someone with you.
6. Snow and ice.  I am terrified of falling over and slipping in snow and ice.  This just seems to get worse with age.  This winter though I invested in some ice cleats, finally, which helped enormously.  I could actually walk around with looking like a complete idiot.
7. Letting down the people I care about.  Self explanatory really!
8. Fear itself.  I don’t want to be afraid of anything. 

So there you go! 8 fears.  See, they are more personal than things you love aren’t they?

Staircase to Hell

I recently wrote a post entitled Getting to Know You in order to share a few things about myself with you.  One of points I shared related to my fear of stairs.

I have never met anyone who shares the same fear of stairs as I do although I know that they are out there.  What I think that I have is climacophobia:

“Climacophobia – fear of stairs – fear of climbing stairs or falling down stairs”

Open stairs are a complete no go.  Unless I am forced to go up them or have no other choice to get to where I need to be, I am not going up them.  Thankfully this isn’t a day to day issue.  The daily issues I have relate to going up and down stairs.

When ascending stairs I have to hold on to the handrail, usually for dear life, and my foot must be touching the front of the next step in front of me.   The higher I get, the more panic I feel, I start to feel dizzy and by the time I reach the top I am convinced I am going to fall. 

When descending stairs again I am holding on to the handrail and I am very very careful when coming down.  If the staircase is tall enough I sometimes have to come down step by step by step, which unfortunately is the case with the staircase at my office.  I am convinced that I am going to miss a step and if I let go of the handrail I immediately go very dizzy.

Unlike the fear of spiders or claustrophobia, this a phobia that I have to deal with on a daily basis and something that I am more than used to being made fun of for.  I constantly let people go in front of me as I can’t stand anyone being behind me on the stairs, especially as they usually make fun or try to hurry me along which sends me into near hysteria.

The fact that I live in a bungalow has been brought up on many an occasion as to the reason why I feel like this, but I am up and down two very large flights of stairs at work five days a week so I can’t see that as being the reason why.  I’ve never fallen down stairs either.

I’d really be interested to know if there is anyone else out there who has the same symptoms as I do, and would ask, how do you deal with it and have you have any help?

I called these the "Stairs of Doom" in Amsterdam

Having to set off a full five minutes before anyone else to get down stairs is irritating

Getting to Know You

I have seen a number of these types of post lately and wanted to get involved as I think it is good to share who you are with people who are reading your blog. 

Here are a few things about me.

Athough undiagnosed I am sure that I have climacophobia (fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs).  Be it one step or twenty, when I am walking down stairs I have to hold on to the handrail for dear life as dizziness ensues and I start to panic.  Going upstairs I have to have the front of my foot touching the next step.  

I love sci-fi, action and horror movies, but romantic comedies tend to send me to sleep (although I’ll admit, I cried at Titanic)

I am like Bambi on ice when it snows – I am guaranteed to fall over.  I haven’t met anyone who is quite as bad as me although with my new ice cleats, life is much easier in Winter.

I am still looking for someone who is my brand of crazy, and wonder if I ever will.

I have never had a filling, a broken bone or stitches. 

I have lived in more than one country and would one day love to move away again, preferably somewhere sunny.

At different parts of my life I have been a blonde, a brunette and red head.

I will automatically give you my trust and loyalty, but woe betide you if you break either.

 

What interesting facts would you share about yourself?