A Time for Joy

You know sometimes you have a day when everything around you is wrong and going badly?  When you can’t see a way forward and your mood is full of doom and gloom.  Well today isn’t that day.

Today is happiness.

I’ve posted previous about waiting for my first university essay to be marked.  After submitting 2 ½ weeks ago I have been full of trepidation, nerves and at times, sheer panic.  Had I answered the question correctly, would I pass; did I have enough examples; right through to have I made the right choice in doing a degree.

 The Open University scoring system is different to other universities. 

40%                 Pass

40 – 54            3^rd
55-69               2.2
70 – 84            2.1
85 – 100          1^st

There are the expectations that you have in your head and the ones that you will say aloud, and then the ones that you really want, but can’t say or think.

Aloud I said that I just wanted the pass and any mark thereafter would do, in my logical head I wanted a clear pass, a 2.2 mark.  I didn’t think that I could do any better than that on my first essay.  The little voice inside wanted a 2.1 mark.

Well today, the little voice won the bet.  I got 78% which is right in the middle of a 2.1.

Whilst it is only a very tiny step in the long road I have ahead in my degree, it has answered the question that is the most important to me.

Can I do this?  HELL YES I CAN.

Today is one to remember.

 

A Watched Kettle

I'm impatient. When I know that something big is coming, be it good or bad; I want it to happen now.

They say that a watched kettle never boils, well in this case it's the opposite. The red LED of my Blackberry is constantly flashing at me, be it a tweet, text or email but, like the 3 buses lined in a row, the one that you want is never there.

The one that I want is an email from university. The one with my score in for my first essay. I feel like someone who hasn't ridden a bicycle in years, very unsure and uncertain at first, but after that first ride you know you'll be ok.

In this case though, the bike ride is scored. It's a indication, in my head at least, as to whether going to university was a good idea after all.

It's the chance card on the Monopoly board. Will I pass go and carry on with the game or will I be sent to the dunce's jail.

I've probably got at least another week to wait before I have my answer. My head says everything will be fine, but the little voice in there is also whispering "Are you sure?".

Everyone around me tells me it will be fine, I've nothing to worry about. I can be told that 100 hundreds times and it won't make an iota of different to how I feel. What I want is someone to tell me it IS fine.

I hold myself to my own standards, what I expect is good enough from me. What I want is a clear pass. Anything less and I'll be heartbroken, however, anything more, and I will be ecstatic.

I will look at this post one day and laugh about how worried I was. How I practically ran to my phone every time it flashed. But I care. I won't apologise for that.

So come on now, Mr Tutor Man, it isn't nice to keep a lady waiting.