Looking back over the course of your life, have you ever wanted to meet your past younger self?
I don't know about you, but I have been very different people over the course of my life so far. Whilst my core being has stayed the same in terms of my values, the person that I am has undergone so many changes of the years that I am not sure if I would recognise myself if I was to meet me at a different age.
I think of it as being the same person, but simply a different shade or colour. We are like bell peppers really (bare with me on this). It wasn't until recently that I learned that yellow, orange, green and red peppers are not different variety of peppers, but merely at a different stage of ripening. That feels a lot like me.
Everyone has challenges in their life and everyone has a journey that they go on, no matter how large or small. My journey has been one of finding confidence, finding self esteem, finding body confidence, finding my voice. I tried to put descriptive labels on some of my different stages. I share (some) here:
Age 15 - I am the fat girl in school. I want to fit in. There is still wonderment and hope in the world. I have hope for my future. I want to be thin so people will like me.
Age 21 - I am so lost. I am scared.
Age 30 - There are people on the internet that think like me, that look like me, that say what they think.......... I'm not good enough.
Age 33 - I am writing. I am wearing colour for the first time. A LOT of colour. I am still terrified of rejection. I still don't feel good enough.
Today (aged 39.99 years) I am never scared to say what I think. I probably say too much. My wardrobe of beautiful, colourful dresses is overflowing. I have confidence in both myself and my courage of conviction. I have a fella who makes me feel sexy. I have amazing friends. I have self worth.
I am happier today than I have ever been in my life. This happiness is as a result of the journey of life that I have been on. The challenges that I have set myself. The heartbreak and the loves. The highs, the lows. The girl who decided to become a woman and make her life as she wanted it to be.
I am proud of just how far that I have come in my life and you know what? I would love to meet 21 year old me. To give her advice, to give her a boost. To tell her that she is going to be ok.
To tell her that she will never suit red hair, no matter how many times she tries over the years to make it work (written now with another shade of red).
What challenges in your life have changed you?
If you are looking for other blogs to read, you can't go far wrong with reading Let Them Be Small