Baby, Baby, Baby Noooo!

Question.  What is it about people when they have a baby.  The most normal person in the world suddenly turns into this baby obsessed, all they can talk about person.  Like they have just given birth to Christ or something.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of friends who didn’t turn into crazy people when they had a baby.  To be fair, they were crazy anyway, being my friends, but in a good way.

 

When a friend tells me they are pregnant, after the mandatory congratulations etc (am not a baby person myself, never want one but am not evil, I can be nice and say congrats) what I don’t tell them is that they are put on probation for social networking.

 

For the purpose of the blog, I will use Facebook as the social network of choice.

 

Things that are Allowed

• Telling people you are pregnant – it’s interesting, people will want to know and congratulate you.
• Scan photo – not something I am interested in at all, but ok, some may like it.
• Occasional pregnancy updates.  Please note this does not include tales of throwing up, heartburn or      anything gross.
• The first baby picture. 
• Afterwards, occasional, and by that I mean one every month, pictures of baby.

Things That Fuck Me Right Off

• Creating a Facebook page for the baby, including when it is still inside you.  It is wrong, it is stupid and if it sends me a friend request…. DENIED!!!
• Constant updates regarding how you are doing, particularly relating to morning sickness, sex life (yes I have seen pregnancy sex life updates) etc.  I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.
• Once the baby is born, photos every other day.  Yes your baby is cute (hopefully).  No I don’t want to see it every day.  It’s a baby, WE HAVE ALL SEEN ONE BEFORE!
• Daily update reports.  Baby has smiled, giggled, had a baby massage etc.....

By the way, what the fuck is baby massage??  People have been having babies for thousands of years.  I have yet to meet a baby that said “Hey, you know what I would like?  A nice massage!”. 

 

I am probably coming across as the anti-christ of babies, which I am not.  I’m happy if you have had a baby,  I respect your choice to have one and appreciate how much you will love it.

 

The thing is, I don’t love it, I don’t want to see it every day and I couldn’t give a rats ass what it does until:

 

a)  It starts speaking and;
b) Actually, that's about it.

25 Things Random Things

This was something done on Facebook a while ago, but I figure, if you are going to do a blog, you should give people something about yourself too.

You are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. I have a love of shoes (which is a problem in itself, see 2) and Formula One.
2. I have a major case of climacophobia (fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs). Be it one step or twenty, dizziness ensues and panic sets in.
3. Everyone says I pout all the time but I don’t, it’s the shape of my lips people!!!
4. I have a few really close friends as opposed to loads and loads, which I prefer.
5. I love horror movies, the scarier the better, but horror books make me too scared – yes I am weird!
6. I love fast cars, driving myself or being driven. There is nothing quite like the thrill of going over 100mph.   Probably why I love F1!
7. I would sell my soul (or part of it at least) for a Porsche 911.
8. I always try to make sure that the people around me are happy.
9. I am like Bambi on ice when it snows – I am guaranteed to fall over.
10. I am still looking for someone who is my brand of crazy, and wonder if I ever will.
11. I subscribe to the saying “Sarcasm is the highest form of wit”.
12. I have one sister, one half sister and a half brother.
13. I don’t want children, but I do want to get married.
14. I am having problems completing this list!
15. I love punk, rock, some heavy metal and some pop music but I hate country.
16. I am incapable of buying anything in a sale, if no one else wanted it, why should you?
17. I have never had a filling, a broken bone or stitches.
18. I don’t believe in God but I do believe that your soul carries on somehow/somewhere after death.
19. I have lived in more than one country and would one day love to move away again, preferably somewhere sunny.
20. It took me two attempts to pass my driving test.
21. I love secrets. Having them and having people confide them in me.
22. At different parts of my life I have been a blonde, a brunette and red head.
23. I am an extremely ditzy person, but I like that about myself.
24. I will automatically give you my trust and loyalty, but woe betide you if you break either.
25. I wonder quite a lot whether people are talking to my eyes or my chest!