4 Tips To Have A Challenging Conversation With Your Partner

There will always be conversations that are hard to initiate. Those topics that couples usually don't talk about just to avoid being in a heated argument. Or perhaps, you are afraid to talk how you feel to your partner because it might make things worse. You feel stuck, and you do not know how to do it.

No matter how worse things might get, it is still better that you and your partner get to have a proper conversation. This way, both of you does not have to carry a burden in your hearts, and also to resolve any issues.

If you are having a hard time to do this, here are 4 tips to having a challenging conversation with your partner.

1. Choose the right time to talk.

This is the most important thing to consider if you want to engage in a challenging conversation with your partner. Try to choose a time where it both suits you. Do not just open a topic the moment they walk into the room after an exhausting day at work. Choose a moment where both of you are at your best. Try to ask them if it is the right time for the both of you to have a conversation. It is extremely important that both of you have the willingness to engage in a challenging conversation. Otherwise, find a better time.

2. Listen if your partner is talking.

A great conversation happens when the two people respect each other. And with that, it means that you give your partner a chance to talk. Be open and listen to your partner has to say in order to have a better conversation. Resist yourself from interrupting. Let them finish what they have to say, and do not stop them at mid-sentence.

3. Make your partner understand how important it is to have this specific conversation.

A lot of couples tend to forget on making their partners understand why they have to have to talk about some things. It is important that you let them know that talking things out can help both of you feel better emotionally and even physically. For instance, you may be worried about your sexual health, and you want you and your partner to get tested for STD or STI. Asking your partner to get tested can be extremely difficult because it is a touchy matter. This can be a very challenging topic to acknowledge, but if you can let them know how important it is, you will have a greater chance at having this conversation. However, it is important that you find out more about this certain topic before you open up to your partner.

4. Do not accuse.

Accusations can definitely kill a conversation. Try to keep the problem at hand by focusing on the main issue, and avoid accusing. This means that you also need to avoid bringing up ancient issues even it is related to your issue now. Stay on track and be level-headed. Do not do the blame game.

* Collaborative Piece

The App Map

I was twenty when I got my first mobile phone.  (Whispers) eighteen years ago now.  I remember that it was a Nokia 3210 and I thought that it was the best thing since sliced bread.  Back then, you had calls, texts and the now famous Snake game.

Over the years phones got smaller and smaller, then larger and larger.  The technology improved until we have reached the point now that there is more technology on our phones than what was used to send us to the moon. 

These days, our phones are our worlds, holding everything in them that we hold dear.

We have reached the point where you can do anything on your phone. You can run your business from it, you can blog from it, you use it to capture all the moments of your life and share your thoughts with the world.

When it comes to the apps that we use, there are some that are staple needs like your email and a good camera app whilst others are tailored specifically to your needs.  Here are my go tos, with my beautiful Simba as a backdrop.  

I have my social apps like Twitter and Facebook, my email apps and my banking apps in top place.  Pixabay for my blogging is an essential as well as my music and the clock which wakes me in the morning with Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols.

Carphone Warehouse recently did a study of what apps people used on their phones across Britain, looking at ages, genders, incomes and where you live in the country.  

It is quite interesting to note as the statistics for the tops five apps for women do not include anything that I have on my phone.  For men, the top apps include Wifi Analyzer and Steam which is a gaming app.

Breaking the stats down into my age range of 35-44, the most popular apps are Kodi and CBeebies, whilst looking at my income bracket, that changes again to Facebook and a mobile banking app which looks more like me.

What does this study tell us?  That we are a diverse nation that uses mobile phones to tailor our lives to the way that we want them.  Surprisingly, for the people earning over 100k, one of the most popular apps is Farmville which is something that they share with the lowest earners in the East of England.

Check out the study on the link above, it is really interesting to note.

*Collaborative piece

5 Things To Do Every Day To Feel Empowered

The process of spotting fear and refusing to obey it, is the source of all true empowerment.

- Martha Beck

Feeling empowered is one of the greatest feelings in the world. As women, we should always feel strong and in control. But feeling empowered can be hard to master and sometimes we need a little help.

One of the (probably first) ways that I actively empowered myself was when I was invited to an overnight blogger event in London. I was terrified. A combination of my social anxiety and the worry about having to travel and traverse London on my own was daunting. Not to mention a social gathering with nobody that I knew.

What I did to combat this was to break everything down into sections, Meticulously planning the travel arrangements and times. I printed out the route from Manchester to London so I knew what stops I would go through. I had a map of how to get from the tube station to my hotel. My subway passes were purchased ahead of time. I contacted someone who said that they were going to the event to meet up outside of the event. I planned each step of the journey and event and made them into sections. After each section was completed, my confidence grew more and more.

Empowering yourself is a process and some of the things we do each day can contribute to that feeling. Here are some ideas that could help you to feel empowered:

Don't Be Afraid To Promote Yourself
Every one of us has a skill of some sort. The problem is that many of us like to hide our talents under a bushell instead of promoting and using what we have. Each time I write and share a blog post I feel proud of myself for doing it and simultaneously slightly guilty for putting myself forward. To counter that, I push forward a little more.

Do A Form Of Exercise You Like

Exercise can help you to de-stress, as well as feel stronger and happier. People look at exercise all wrong, and think that it’s for those who want to shed the pounds. Instead, look at it as a way to make you feel like your best self. I love to walk my dog Simba after work when I come home. It is just me, my little puppa and my thoughts. It invigorates my mind and is something I really enjoy.

Dress However You Like

Don’t listen to anybody who says you can’t wear what you want. Wake up in the morning and put something on that makes you happy, whether it’s a crop top that shows off your curves or a pair of ridiculous trousers that brighten up your day!

My sense of style breaks "the fat rules" in that I do not conform. I wear a busy, bright patterned dress every single day. It is part of who I am and gives me a sense of self.

Affirmations
When I know that I am going to have a particularly trying week at work or I have organised a night out that I am nervous about due to my social anxiety, I set up reminders on my phone to hit me just at the right moment.  Just simple phrases.  You can do this.  You are enjoying yourself, just take a moment.  You are enough.  You know that you can do this.  It may feel silly at first but it really does work.


Empowering yourself does not happen overnight, but step by step, section by section, you will one day feeling like the confident women you always knew you were.  

Take A Selfie

A selfie is a signal that we want to be seen, that we feel confident. Whether you’re taking a picture of your makeup masterpiece or the incredible outfit you’ve put together that day, just do it! Take that selfie, take a thousand of them.  Embrace that face that is uniquely yours and recognise the beauty within it.  For tips of how to take that perfect selfie, check out the selfie guide

Credit to Mary at MyTrendyPhone.co.uk

Do you DIY?

My mum and I have been living alone together for a couple of years.  Neither of us have ever been DIY minded and previously, my step dad used to take care of any jobs that needed doing.  My brother is an electrician and my brother in law is a joiner so we have always had someone at hand to do jobs around the house.

We try to be as self sufficient as possible when it comes to things that need doing now.  It is the typically British way of not wanting to put someone else out.

Funnily, I remember the exact moment that I became more DIY minded.  We had purchased a wrought iron table and chairs for our little balcony outside which needed assembling.  I remember my mum saying to me "We had better get a man in to fix this up for us".  Me, being the feminist, was incensed by this suggestion and spent the next few hours putting the pieces together myself.

I admit, there were quite a lot of swear words involved as I had never done anything like this before; particularly when I put a chair leg on backwards, three times.  But I got there in the end and we like to sit on our balcony now with a glass of wine in the sunshine.  (I confess very gingerly the first time just in case it all fell apart!)  On a clear day you can see for miles and miles over the tops of the houses beyond.

I try to help around the house with jobs that need doing as much as possible.  My mum, despite her earlier comment, is a very independent woman and will always try to do jobs that at her age, I would prefer that she did not do.

Safety has to be a priority with DIY and jobs around the house.   Making sure that your rooms are well ventilated when you paint (especially if you have animals).  Buying a sturdy step ladder that will not fall over if said animal decides to run into it when you are on the top step.  Thinking about things like asbestos in older buildings when you are renovating which can lead to mesothelioma which I have talk about previously. 

Slater and Gordon Personal Injury have commissioned a survey into the dos and don't of DIY and how you can be safer when carrying out your jobs.  Click on the expansion box on the image below to take a look.

*Collaborative piece

We Are The New Media

I must start by saying that my thoughts are with those who have lost friends, family and loved ones in the horrific fire at Grenfell Towers.  The footage and words from those who witnessed it is nothing short of the stuff of nightmares.

We do not know as yet how many died in the fire.  At the present time 79 people are listed as missing and dead; although reports have suggested that this may raise to treble figures. 

As they always do (and do not receive enough recognition for), the firefighters of London risked their lives trying to save people trapped in the tower, many of whom who had heeded the advice to stay in their flats.  Our emergency services should be commended, not only for their actions at Grenfell, but also after the London and Manchester terrorist attacks.  It takes a special kind of brave to run into a life threatening situation which others are running from.

Pixabay

Last Friday night, my only plans were to have a glass of wine, watch The Last Leg and generally have a relaxed night, away from social media (for once).  But then I saw the protest at Kensington Council offices on mainstream media and wanted to know more.  The real story.

The thing is; the mainstream media is increasing unreliable in getting the true story out there.  You receive limited information, usually aligned to someone's agenda when in fact, there is a lot more to the story that is not shown.

With this in mind, I searched the #JusticeForGrenfell hashtag and came across a periscope showing footage of around one thousand people marching across London. 

I have been given permission to share the Periscope footage by the man taking the video, DJ S.K.T who is an international DJ and producer of house music.  He was on his way to Notting Hill when he came across the march and decided to join and record .  He has asked me to confirm that he is neither a protester nor an activist.  He wanted to film to show people what was happening in a non-partisan way, which I think you can tell from the footage below.

What a peaceful march rounded up by a beautiful vigil 🙏❤️#JusticeForGrenfell #Justice4Grenfell https://t.co/LvCEU5msoC

— DJ S.K.T #skt (@DJSKT) June 17, 2017

The people on the march were from all walks of life.  The old and the young.  People from many different ethnicities, race and religion.  Men, women and (the occasional) child.  It was a peaceful march with minimal police presence. 

As I am sharing the periscope with permission, I will leave my own political views aside on this post but I can confirm that the march was full with people who were marching for justice for Grenfell, people who were angry at Theresa May and pro Jeremy Corbyn supporters.

The footage starts when DJ S.K.T came across it at Oxford Street and continued through Marble Arch, Edgeware Road, Hyde Park, Notting Hill, Ladbroke Grove and ended up in Kensington for a vigil for Grenfell.  3.5 miles in all. 

There were no groups, no Antifa.  No agendas and no wish to do or cause harm.  It was people in unison, in peaceful protest.

Yet, despite the major TV networks watching and in some cases commenting on the periscope, the march was barely shared or even mentioned by anyone.  The angry protest at Kensington Council was played over and over again, yet no footage of the peaceful march which lasted around two hours was shown.

I woke up on Saturday fulling expecting there to be talk of the march in the news and the media.  Yet there was nothing.  I woke to find Saturday Kitchen trending on Twitter instead of the people who stood up and marched to make their voices heard.

People are no longer content to let the major TV networks and newspapers tell them what to think.  They no longer care to be shown only heavily edited and some in cases prejudiced information.  They want the real story, what really happened and this is why it is important that videos like this are shared.

I saw people from around the world commenting as the footage progressed.  The world is watching.  Maybe it is now time that the world saw us for what we really are.  Unedited. 

Because it is when things are at their worst that the people in this country come together.  When we are together, in unison, we are unstoppable.  That British spirit is in all of us. 

It is the spirit that arranged a clean up crew on Twitter after the London riots of 2011. 

It is that spirit that makes us come together and do everything we can after the terrorist attacks in Manchester and London. 

It is that spirit that started the relief and help for the people of Grenfell Towers when the towers were still burning.

It is that spirit that made an elderly lady in a mobility scooter travel from Ilford to Finsbury Park to apologise to the people at the mosque and the Imam who stopped people from hurting the terrorist (alleged at this stage while police investigations are ongoing.

We are in the digital age now and it is time that we show people who we are.  Not just the bad, because there really is so much good.  If you wish to donate to the people and survivors of the fire at Grenfell Tower, you can do so here ArtistsForGrenfell