The Grand National

Today is my annual post about the Grand National.  Some of you will read it, some won’t.  Some will look at the blog title and turn away, not wanting my post to spoil your once a year bet on the Grand National.  I am hoping that at least one of you reads this post and changes your mind about betting, forever.

I want to give you some names.  

Comeonginger.  Here All Along.  Cadoudoff.  Al Reesha.  Athletic.  Sensible Simpson.  

Sound familiar?  Probably not.  But these are the names of six horses who have died in the past week in UK horse racing.  Two died from a broken neck.  Three destroyed due to leg breaks.   One died from a heart attack.

Animal Aid began a record of the death of horses 10 years ago at the Cheltenham Festival.  Since then, 1523 horses have died.  That is 3 horses, every single week.

This weekend is the Grand National.  Families and co-workers get together at this time of year and choose their horses from sweepstakes or by finding the name of the horse they like best.  Jokes are made about who will pick the one who ends up falling.  After the race, you will not even remember the horse’s name, except if it won you some money.

Did somebody bet on Comeonginger yesterday because of the funny name?  He died of a broken neck on the course.  Did someone choose Athletic because he sounded like a good bet?  His broken hind leg rendered him useless to the world of horse racing and he was “destroyed”. 

Was your £5.00 bet worth the life of a horse?  Will it be on Saturday?

They say every year that the course is made safer.  But they cannot deny that in a race which is entered by the best race horses in the country, less than half have managed to complete the course in the past 3 years.  

Last year, out of the 41 horses that started the race, only 16 finished it.   The successful ones make it to the end and are whipped to the finish line.  Riders in the Grand National are actually required to carry a whip in order to race.

I was talking about horse racing last week and someone said to me “If we don’t use them for horse racing, what are horses for?”   Horses do not exist for our entertainment.  They do not need a reason to exist, just like us.

You will either place a bet tomorrow or you won't.  My words will either affect you, or they won't.  But my mission, as it has been every year on this blog, is to give you the facts, and let you make up your own mind.  

I ask you a question, as a national of so called animal lovers, are we not better than this?

Do I Dare?

Confidence is a multi layered thing.  Body confidence, confidence in who you are, what you believe in, confidence to do what you want, when you want.

I have come a long way in terms of confidence.  Thanks to the plus size blogging community I found the confidence to dress as I always wanted, and in time, confidence to be more myself.  Specifically, to be able to say what I think, share opinions on here, on social media and in general life about what I believe and am passionate about.

I have gone from the person who said nothing in a conversation to someone who has emerged as a feminist, political and outspoken.  Some may say I have emerged out too much the other way, but I can only be who I am.

There are still things about my confidence and comfort level that I want to work on; one of which is something that I think a lot of people struggle with.  I want to be able to eat out, in public, in a restaurant or cafe, alone.

As a fat woman, you seem to attractive the gaze of people when you are eating anyway, as they not so subtly check out what you are eating.  A fat women eating alone will no doubt attract twice the stares and I am not sure I can deal with that.

But, I have a dream.   I want to go to Barcelona on my own for a few days.  Some time just for me, to be on my own, to explore a new place and do whatever I wish.

I am fine with flying on my own. I think that I would be OK spending a few days on my own in a new city if I planned everything so I knew what I was doing and where I was going; but it is the small matter of eating that is bothering me, and holding me back.

I want to be able to go into a cafe or restaurant and sit at a table alone, without feeling like all eyes are on the single fat woman.  Although I have more confidence now, I am still not and probably never will be the kind of person who makes friends in a instant and ends up joining people's tables.  So it will just be me.

Do I dare?  

In my head I know what I would say to someone else who was airing these fears.  To not let your fears rule your life.  To take a book or a tablet with you for something to play with if you are getting nervous.  To ignore any stares and not to imagine any.  That people have better things to do in their life than stare at me.

I think that I could deal with breakfast and lunch, but going for dinner on my own?  That is something I have never done before and to be really honest, the thought of it terrifies me.  But I want to do this so badly.  

Then the other thought enters my head.  Am I strange for wanting to go away on my own?  I have friends that I could of course invite but something in me just wants to do this on my own.  I have no idea why.  It is an odd thing to do?  I have thought about it so much, I don't even know any more.

Any advice on eating alone in restaurants would be greatly appreciated.