Why I'm Done With Online Dating

* This is a bit of a read

I never thought that online dating was for me.  I always wanted that chance meeting in a coffee shop, eyes meeting across the street; a friend that turned into the one you love.  That never happened for me and I decided what the hell?  Give online dating a whirl.

 

Tinder was never going to be for me,  The idea of swiping left or right (I never figured out which way was which) just on the basis of someone's face seemed superficial to me.  If you are looking for a partner, it has to be based on personality too.  This is a person you are, hopefully, going to spend the rest of your life with.  Tinder is for hook ups, nothing more.

My commitment to online dating was dubious at best so I chose a free dating site, Plenty of Fish.  I filled out my profile, was as honest as I could be and added the photos.  I decided in advance that the "Hi" messages were not going to get a reply. The people with the "fill out later" profiles were of no interest.

I have had more "Hi"s than I can count.  Some with more of a reply who were basically looking for a hook up.  Some who blatantly copied and pasted their auto first message.  I lost interest and only went on the site now and again.

I met my first online date after weeks of talking and finding more about each other.  He seemed like a nice guy and was really into me, which is always good.  I will call him T.  We lived over an hour away from each other but he was happy to come to me, which was a good sign.  We met in a local pub and within the first five minutes he was telling me that he had very severe anger issues and had been referred to a psychiatrist.  Great.

We messaged a few times after but I had no interest in meeting again.  I had no desire to have any kind of relationship with someone with anger issues.  The anger issues came out when I told him I could no longer commit to messaging him as my step dad had died.  He went ballistic.  Goodbye.

I went on the site less and less, dabbling occasionally on weekends but the messages I received were still the usual.  I went on a few more dates but there was a mutual no "click".  Then I got a message from, we will call him S.  S sent a great first message and his profile, actually filled out for a change was interesting.

We talked for around three weeks, first on the site and then moving to WhatsApp.  We had similar interests, a similar outlook on life and I really liked him.  We agreed to meet in Manchester which was a middling distance between us.

On the Saturday before our mid week date, I realised that there was something inaccurate on my profile; namely that when I created it, I was not smoking and now I am (yes  I know, bad Vicky).  I thought it was only fair that I let S know this in case he changed his mind about wanting to meet with me.

S was the kind of person who was texting me morning, noon and night, every day. If he didn't hear back from me after an hour, he would send another text to see what I was doing.  *Edit* on reading this paragraph after I typed it, I realised just how much of a red flag that is, and wonder how the hell I didn't think that at the time.

I did not hear back from him for the rest of the day, which was unusual for him but I figured maybe he wasn't into a smoker.

Just after midnight (when he starts his night shift) I got my first message.  Incensed that I had not told him previously, not believing that I did not know what my profile said as "he knew what was on his profile, every minute of the day!.  He demanded that I explained myself.

I responded, telling me I wouldn't be spoken to like that, especially after being honest.  I said that I no longer wished to meet and, not knowing how best to end the message, finished with "take care". Turns out that telling someone to take care is not the best idea.

From just after midnight to the time when I eventually blocked him completely at 3.30am, he proceeded to call me every variation of the whore that he could think of.  A "man like him would not be told to take care by a girl like me" apparently.

I don't know how many messages I received.  One probably every five minutes for a good three hours.  By the end, the combination of insults and thinly veiled (almost) threats, I was scared.  What I should have done is save the conversation, screenshot the worst of it and ring 101 the next day.  Hell, I could even have reported him to his employers considering that he was doing all of this on work time.

But I didn't think.  I was scared.  The level of rage directed at me was overwhelming and I will be honest,  I felt really scared for a few days.  Even though he knew what town I lived in but not my address, I found myself jumping at sounds outside when I let the dog outside.  He was a self professed "techie" and he knew I blogged.

Along with blocking him on WhatsApp and blocking him from POF, I also deleted my profile.  It is too easy to hide your true self on the internet.  I know that my personality is more exaggerated on the internet when I talk on Twitter or speak on my blog.  Because on here, I am unfiltered.  This goes the same for people who wish to hide their true selves.

I consider myself as having a lucky escape.  If I had not messaged him that day, I would have met up with him the following week.  If we had clicked,  I could have found out his true self when alone with him, heaven forbid at his place or somewhere on our own.

So I am done with online dating.  My match, my soul match if I ever find one will have to find me in pre internet ways.  I no longer trust the face on the internet.

Tips To Make Your Skin Glow This Summer

When it comes to skincare, my face can be sometimes problematic.

Although I have been lucky in that I have clear skin, I am frequently guilty of neglecting it, using soap and make up remover wipes rather than really looking after it.  

The issue for me is that my face sometimes reacts to products and there does not seem to be any indicator as to why.  If my skin decides that it does not like a product my face immediately goes bright red and sore.  Not a good look.

My skin is at its best when I use micellar water to remove my makeup and maintain a twice daily cleanse, toner and moisturiser routine.  I use micellar water from the pound shop which does the job perfectly.  I also use the Boots Essentials Cucumber cleanser, the Clinique No 2 Clarifying Lotion and the Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturising Gel which is the best product I have ever used. My face feels like it is saying thank you when I apply it.

I did also try out the Clinique facial wash but unfortunately, it does not agree with my skin and turns me into a cherry tomorrow.

Now is the perfect time to spring clean your skincare and one of the ways I want to look at my skincare is from a nutritional point of view.

Your skin consists of billions of cells. Each cell is an organism that requires oxygen and nutrients in order to thrive.

While many creams exist to moisturise and help the anti-ageing process, it is possible to improve the condition of your skin from the inside with the right nutrition.

I have just completed a one month course of Lumity which I will talk about in a separate blog post, but here are some of the things that you can do on a nutritional level to improve your skin.

The Science Bit

Skin can be subject to damage from free radicals, particularly if exposed to strong sunlight. There are 25 types of collagen in the body and, along with elastin, they give skin texture and structure. Free radical damage causes collagen and elastin to break down, which leads to wrinkles and skin losing its firmness. Antioxidants such as vitamin C and coenzyme Q10 can protect cells from the damaging affects of these toxic chemicals.

Dietary sources of vitamin C include fruits and vegetables, however this vitamin is easily destroyed by cooking and food processing. Levels of vitamin C are also reduced by factors such as smoking, drinking alcohol and certain drugs such as antidepressants and oral contraceptives. As a result, supplements are a great way to ensure that you get enough of this vital nutrient. The Recommended DailyAllowance (RDA) for vitamin C is 60mg/day of 120mg/day if you are a smoker.

Coenzyme Q10 is a vitamin-like substance which can be obtained from the diet, however most is manufactured within our bodies. Our ability to do this decreases from our mid-twenties, making supplements important. Coenzyme Q10 plays an important role in producing energy in our bodies and is also a powerful antioxidant. This means it protects the skin from free radical damage and promotes effective skin repair. Coenzyme Q10 has been proven to reduce the depth of fine lines and wrinkles over time.

Given that I am a smoker, taking a daily Vitamin C supplemental alongside some Coenzyme Q10 pills is something that I am going to implement into my daily life.

Fatty acids and skin repair

Essential fatty acids such as Omega 3 are required for healthy skin, hair and nails. The richest source of Omega 3 is fish oil from oily fish such as herring, salmon, tuna and sardines. Omega 3 is an anti-inflammatory, making it good for irritable, sore skin. Many people choose to take an Omega 3 fish oil supplement. Due to concern about environmental pollution in fish, it is safest to choose a supplement which contains oil from the flesh of the fish, rather than the liver.

Omega 7 fatty acids are perhaps less well known, but have a number of health benefits, including skincare. Omega 7 sea buckthorn oil capsules from Pharma Nord contain oil from a tiny berry and help with lubrication through the body, protecting the internal organs, as well as the linings of the eyes, mouth and skin. Sea buckthorn oil is one of the best natural oils for mature and wrinkled skin due to its essential fatty acid and vitamin E, C and A properties. It has nourishing, moisturising and restorative action, promoting tissue regeneration and reducing age-induced skin wrinkling and signs of premature ageing. Seabuckthorn oil also has natural sun protecting power.

The importance of blood flow

Blood supply to the skin is extremely important if the skin is to get all the oxygen and nutrients it needs. Pycnogenol is a plant-based extract from the bark of the French maritime pine tree and can be taken as a supplement to improve blood circulation. This can help with skin hydration and vitality. Pycnogenol can also help to reduce wrinkles by binding with skin proteins collagen and elastin to protect from various harmful enzymes. It also rebuilds elasticity, which is essential for smooth, youthful skin. It has also been shown to reduce over-pigmentation for a more even complexion.

In terms of sun care, sunburn is an inflammation caused by free radical induced tissue damage. By neutralising these free radicals, pycnogenol helps protect the skin from the stress and damage of sunburn.

In the UK we are all guilty of forgetting to use sun cream, thinking somehow that the sun is not as strong as it is when we go abroad, which is of course ridiculous.  

So my plan for healthy, glowing skin this summer, and continuing, is to start taking regular nutritional supplements and hopefully, I will soon have skin like a goddess!

*Collaborative Post