Confessions of a Shoeaholic Idiot

I’m an idiot.  I will get that done and out of the way first, because I really am.

You know that phrase that gets trotted out, usually in movies, about when nothing else in your wardrobe is working “Shoes always fit”.  Well in my case, I seem to be working the opposite way to everyone else.

See my clothes fit me quite well thank.  Yes I am a fat girl but I still loves fashion and I buy clothes that I love and look good (now that’s a statement and half coming from where I was this time last year!!!).  No problems there.  My footwear however, they are like beautiful torture devices. 

The problem is that most of the pairs that I own don’t fit properly.  I have wide feet that don’t always fit into the standard widths you find in the shops and it took until yesterday, yes I did say yesterday, to realise that there was another way.  Wider fittings.

Now you see why I called myself an idiot at the beginning of this post.

For years I have just “managed”.  I have surrounded myself with beautiful shoes, many of which that pinch because they are a bit too tight and my solution has always been “I’ll break them in”.  You know what that entails.  Weeks of uncomfortable tightness until the leather eases a little, sore feet, rubbing against your skin etc etc.

The other day however I was ordering my new Winter boots when I happened across a beautiful pair of t bar wedges that I instantly fell in love with.  I noticed that they were available in a wider fitting so for the first time I decided to give it a go.

OH     MY    GOD.  They are comfortable!  They don’t rub, they fit perfectly, I can walk easier in the heels (something I always struggle with no matter what the height).  They are perfect.  I feel like I should buy the entire stock out in case they go away.

So just as I once had to resign myself to the fact that yes, Evans was “for me” and not run past it in that “I’m not fat really” kind of way; now I accept that wider feet need wider fittings in order to be comfortable.

I may be a slow learner, but I get there in the end.  Anyway, here is a picture of my new lovelies, found at +Simply Be .

 

Dear Future Me, Don't be an Idiot

Apologies first of all.  This post isn’t so much a blog post, but more a reminder to my future self.

Sometimes you just have to write things down to remind yourself.  I’m not talking about a “must remember to buy carrots” reminder here, I’m talking about having an experience, or a realisation and writing it down so that your future self doesn’t make the same judgement call/assumption again.

The lesson I have to remember today is not to self sabotage.  Not to presume that something happened for a reason that you can’t possibly know.

So this is my note to the future me.

Dear Future Me,

Stop being such a bloody idiot. 

If a guy finds you attractive, if a guy calls you beautiful and you believe him (something I never ever do usually), then the reason why he broke things off is therefore NOT for the way you look. 

Also, trying to be someone you aren’t just to stay in a relationship you already know isn’t going to work is also stupid.  Trying to be someone else full stop is stupid.  Insecurity isn't attractive.

Be yourself.  Always be yourself.  It will probably turn out that the person you actually are is what they actually saw in you in the first place.

Yours,

The idiotic person who is still trying to work things out.

I Did it My Way!!!!!!

By my reckoning, this Monday will be 10 weeks of not smoking.

I have been asked by some why I chose this particular point to stop smoking.  Previously when people have asked if I wanted to quit I have always said no, that I enjoyed it and that I couldn’t see a point in the near future when I would want to stop.

I’m a bit of a odd combination in that in one way I am very easily  led, usually into mischief, but when it comes to making decisions and being forced into something, I am very clear.  I have my own way that works for me and I stick to it.  Tell me that I should be doing something and I will generally do the opposite. 

My best friend ran smoking cessation classes for years.  But she knows me well, obviously being my best friend, and so never mentioned stopping smoking to me.  She knew that I would come to the decision in my own time and, as I have a strong will, I would do it my own way, not the prescribed way.

So the day I decided to “have a go” at quitting, I had made no preparations.  It was more of a wondering of can I do it as opposed to a serious attempt to quit.  Probably the reason I decided to go cold turkey.  I didn’t want to spend money on patches etc when I would probably be back smoking in 2 days.  That’s faith in myself isn’t it!!

All through the quitting process I haven’t followed the prescribed rules.  I haven’t used any aides (apart from reading a quit smoking book) and I purposely have not avoided places where smoking occurs.  I decided from the start that I would not change my life one iota and I haven’t.  I probably haven’t made my life easier by doing this, but that’s me.

Typically, this weekend for instance.  I went out on Friday night and there were three smokers in the group.  I could smell the smoke and yes, it still smells good.  But I become curious.  What would happen if I had a puff?

Most people would then think no, don’t do it, who knows what will happen, you might still love it.  Me though, I follow my whimsy so I had the puff.  I was immediately taken back to my first puff at around 13.  Except I didn’t feel cool doing it, it tasted bad and I got an unpleasant head rush.

So yes, 10 weeks in, on my terms, and I’m doing it my way.  The idiot guide to stopping smoking