Mind Full, or Mindful?

I wrote a blog post on Friday about the Grand National.  Nothing new about that, I write one every year.  The new thing was that I had not written prior to that for over six weeks.  I have only written nine this year.  This is not me.

I love to write.  I have fifty different opinions on various subjects every day.  I am not short of material.  When I wrote my Grand National post it felt like coming home.  Everything was the same, the planning, the writing; the ease of putting what is rolling around in my head on to the screen.

But there is a disconnect there that I cannot deny.  I think of blog posts that I want to write and they remain in my head, unwritten.  I see so many posts from the inspiring and wonderful bloggers I read and I think "This is what I think, I could have written this, why didn't you?"

In order to unpack my feelings about why I am not actively writing any more, I have to look inside.  I have had a fucking shitty last two years.  My step dad being in and out of hospital, his fall, his subsequent nine months in hospital and then a care home; his death.  The aftermath of that.  My beloved little pooch dying.  It has been utterly shit.  Coupled with the fact that I have my sneaking depression that usually likes to creep into me when I am having a good day.

I need a head clear out.

I read something the other day that struck a chord with me.  "Humans are unhappy because we spend our time and energy thinking about things that don't exist - the past and the future" - Oli Doyle.

It really made me think about how much time my head is in the past, or thinking about the future whilst the present is just passing me by.  The past does not affect this moment I am living in right now.   Each second that passes by I will never have again.  I want to make it count.

The quote I mentioned was from a book called Mindfulness for Life.  It is a six week course that gives you a challenge each day in order to make you live in the present.  Not letting the past affect you now, not worrying about the future.  Just living.

So I am going to try this out.  Will it work?  I don't know.  But I am going to document my journey here.  Living my life in the present, not in the story of me.

PS Blogger Love

The lovely Debz from WannabePrincess recently decided to arrange a blog challenge where we are all given another plus size blogger to talk about, share stories and tell you why we love them.

I was very happy to be given the amazing Kathryn from MissKathrynsMisstakes

Although I had been reading her blog prior to, I first met Kathryn at Plus North 2012.  I arrived scared, on my own and very very nervous to be modelling that day.  I was wandering around with the lovely Nikki when she introduced me to Kathryn who unbelievably recognised my name and enveloped me in one of her famous hugs.   

Kathryn was there all day cheering everyone one and she definately gave me the confidence I needed to walk down the catwalk.

Like me with dresses, Kathryn is the cardigan queen and I love her fashion style.  Kathryn has a true voice and says what she thinks.  She also encourages the plus size blogger community to support each other and use our own voices.

I love Kathryn's body positivity and the way she is so supportive to others.  Kathryn is a fantastic blogger and a wonderful person and I encourage you to go check out her blog immediately!!

Blogger Bucket List

I saw this on Blogclarity.com and thought it was a wonderful idea.  I intend to try this out!

Cereal for Breakfast, Tuna for Lunch

I wanted to write this post further to a blog that the fabulous Marie Denee of The Curvy Fashionista wrote on Wednesday, found here at I am always more than just a blogger.

She was talking about her friend, who had been told that she was “just a blogger”.

I always find it interesting to note when people insult bloggers.  While some people understand blogging and enjoy reading/writing them, many others have no comprehension what blogging is all about and insult it instead.  Sound familiar?  Insulting what you don’t understand? 

One pre conception I often hear is that bloggers write down everything about their lives, from what they had for breakfast to what pyjamas they are wearing that night.  Everything is micro analysed in the smallest detail and written about. Maybe some do, but so what?  That’s their bag, what they enjoy doing, who are you to criticise?

Blogging can be many things to many people.  I for instance used it in the beginning as my own free form of therapy.  Talking through my fingers rather than saying it out loud.  Any issue I have or problem I am worrying about, I write about it and nine times out of ten, I find the solution right there in what I have written.

source

Now I blog about fashion, beauty, lifestyle, opinion pieces, whatever takes my fancy.  It is something that I adore doing and the fact that some people would insult you for that blows my mind a little.

I started to think today as well; how many people who have insulted bloggers actually read blogs to find out what a product is like?  I bet many do it without even realising it.

That mobile phone review on Youtube, that’s a blogger.  That detailed camera review you found that tells you everything you need to know, that’s a blogger.  That £1 miracle mascara that you have thanks to something you saw online singing it’s praises, that’s a blogger.

I spend the equivalent of a full working day (probably more) each week doing what I do, if I review something (either paid for by myself or gifted) I try to be as accurate as possible, and if once in a while something that I say helps someone else to improve their lives; well what is better than that?

I read the post, as did many, on Wednesday entitled "The Rise of the Fatshion Blogger" (since deleted).  The writer implied that bloggers were solely in it for the freebies these days and that we were all doing somersaults for the brands in order to get attention.

Personally, I feel extremely lucky to have been allowed to review anything.  I don't accept every offer that comes my way and if I don't like something or notice an issue with something I have been gifted, I say it.  I checked the count and I have reviewed 9 pieces within the last 150 posts. 

I got into fashion blogging because I love fashion, I adore the plus size fashion community and have felt welcomed by it.  There are some amazing people who didn't deserve the critique that they received from someone who was clearly following them and reading their posts, but then slating them behind their backs.

So having read the posts as above, I still say yes, I am a blogger, and I am damn proud to be one and part of the plus size community.  Are you?