My Fat Shaming Week

Trigger - comments shared about fat shaming - having a much needed vent

If you are fat, this has been one helluva week.  From Nicole Arbour's video, to the usual backlash against fat people because of it through trolls who surged like a swarm of locusts in delight at being to hurt a little more than usual.  

Then there was the whole #PlusisEqual campaign from Lane Bryant whose message that it was time to represent the 67% of women who are unrepresented on billboards; only then to use "socially acceptable" sized models in their campaign photograph.

I cannot help but think that while Lane Bryant may have an inkling of what their message actually means, they are not brave enough to carry through with it.  Ultimately they want to sell, that is their business.  But I know I, for one, would have seriously considered buying from them if they have been truly representative.  

I am not going to lie, this week for me it has been hard being a fat woman.  Not because I feel any less confident this week or feel any less about myself; but more because going through this week has been like being surrounded by jellyfish, not knowing when they are going to sting.

It started by seeing the "Dear Fat People" video shared on my Facebook timeline, by people who I know, progressing by troll attacks on my blog and Facebook page following my post about it (see here ) which I spent all yesterday's lunch time deleting.  

Comments that I am "glorifying obesity" simply by existing on the internet, that I am a whale that needs to be put down, that I am a gross and disgusting woman who will never be loved and that I need someone to shut my big fat mouth (never going to happen fuckwit).

While I do get trolled occasionally, I have been lucky, if lucky is even the right word in that it doesn't happen too often.  So to find so many comments this week has been hard; although sadly I did half expect it because of my posting about a video that has been talked about worldwide.

This was also a week where I have been targeted by the general public more than usual too.  From the woman who openly laughed at me to her friend as I walked past (get a life and work on your own issues sweetheart), to the man who commented to his girlfriend that I had a pretty face, only for her to comment "Yeah but look at the fat!".  Insecure much love?

This week culminated in me blowing my top when a teenager passing in a car with her presumed parent shouted out of the window at me as I crossed the road "Oh gross, she is huge!".  I turned around, gave her the finger and screamed fuck off at her.  I was half expecting the mother to turn the car around and have a go at me for shouting at her daughter, but she didn't.  Hopefully she was ashamed of her daughter.  I know I would be.

This week now comes to the near end.  I leave it still happy in myself, still confident, still wearing bloody amazing dresses and feeling awesome while wearing them.  It also leaves me sad and hurt.  

Sad that there are still people who use fat people as a vehicle for clicks and subscriptions, sad that trolls get their kicks from trying to hurt others.  I am also hurt that people I know, as well as random people on the street think it acceptable to share hateful videos and comment negatively about me right to my face, or behind my back; as if either my feelings do not exist or they are of no consequence.

Next time you make a fat joke, next time you share a derogatory video that you think has no consequence because "fat people deserve it", next time you troll (ok, there is no hope for them), look into the eyes of the person you want to insult and ask yourself:  What kind of human being do I want to be?  Don't be a dick.

I Feel Good

You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped? This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today". 

We all have our good days and our bad, but this challenge is to record those good days and to remember that confidence, at any size, is beautiful.

For today's post I am embracing my tooth gap.  Some days I like it, other days I don't.  This is the usual type of photograph I prefer of myself.  The never ending pout!

The tooth gap may be all the rage at the moment in the modelling world but I am yet to fully embrace my own.  But a smile on my face, tooth gap and all, is the more frequent expression they see from me; so bring on the tooth gap selfie!

Evolving Style

Although I have been blogging for around five years, under difference guises and about different subjects, my blog The Curved Opinion turned two years old a couple of weeks ago!

Although I really hate the word "journey" when it comes to talking about your progress in life, this blog charts the way I started dressing when I decided to do away with my black clothes.   I decided to have a look back at some of my old posts and you can really tell the difference in me between now and then.  As a person, in the colours and patterns that I choose and my confidence in posing in front of the camera.

I decided to share a few of the photographs in this post, charting my fashion and confidence journey, can you see the changes?  

I actually love this photograph as it is one of my first blogging pictures.  Definately a little "rabbit in headlights" but I felt amazing.

You can practically see a thought caption over my head saying "Oh crap oh crap!!"

I LOVED this dress,  But I was too scared of wearing it and unfortunately ended up selling it.  Now I miss it a lot!

It's fashion, not torture, get rid of that forced smile!!

Another lovely dress, but another forced smile.  Come on woman!

What's that?  A genuine smile?  Are we getting there now?

Taken at Plus North.  I was so happy and it showed!

A real smile and a bright outfit - now I can see a girl I recognise

Happy and smiling.  Out of my comfort zone with a shorter dress and not a care to be seen.

I've come a long way really.  Roll on the next two years!

I Feel Good

You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped? This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today". 

We all have our good days and our bad, but this challenge is to record those good days and to remember that confidence, at any size, is beautiful.

A day late, yet again, things will improve, I promise!

I really do feel good today.  My blog was on TV last night (sorry for spamming everywhere with the video but I was so excited!

I have just taken some blog photographs with a new dress (coming soon) and afterwards I was messing around with my camera.  I took this selfie of myself and liked it so here it is for you today.  I love red lipstick :)

I am actually fully dressed in this picture, the girls decided to come out and play is all
#nofilter 

Skimlinks Test

Where is the Love?

So, I just finished watching Cyberbully.

If there is one thing that I have learned being online it is that no matter who you are, what you do, what you look like and what you say, someone will always find a reason to send hate your way.  Not because you are fat, thin; happy; sad; successful; or down on your luck but because they are looking for their next victim and are trying you on for size.

This line from The Breakfast Club springs to mind and still rings true today:

Whether you are a teenager getting hassle from bullies at school, a blogger sharing your thoughts and photographs online or an actress who gets her stolen naked pictures made viral; someone who wants to hurt you will find a way to creep into your heart and afflict hurt.

So what do we do about it?  You cannot stop trolls.  A trolls is like a hydra, but on the internet.  Cut off one head and two more shall take it's place. 

I have had a small sharing of trolls.  On my pictures, on my blog; all pathetic creatures who have only one aim: to hurt me.  Having known how it feels to receive it, I cannot even imagine what a sustained onslaught would be like.

So again I say: what do we do about it?  My small part is this.  From now on, whenever I see someone who has been trolled, bullied or made to feel less than what they are online, I am going to send them love.  Whether I know them or not.  Just a simple message telling them that they are worth more than the troll who is feeding on them.

Will it stops the trolls?  Of course not.  But will it make that person feel better?  Maybe.  I know that it has for me in the past when people have sent me messages of love when I have received hate.  It helped.  It really helped.

All I do know is that I would rather send something positive than look, think "Oh no that's awful" and then scroll past.  Love is more powerful than hate. 

Whilst I may not know what a torrent of abuse feels like, and don't pretend that I do; what I do know is what is feels like when you are surrounded by a black cloud.  You feel like you are all alone, lost in a fog you cannot except from. But then sometimes, someone, even from the most unexpected place turns a tiny light on, and suddenly you have a new place to look, a new focus.

Anyone fancy joining me?

A Response to the Steve Miller Campaign

We are not born judging others. When we enter this world we do so free from preconceptions, we take people as they are. As such, I did not realise that I was different from other children until I reached primary school. Actually, I did not realise until the parents of my classmates told their children I was I different. I was a chubby child and that was in their eyes wrong.

Growing up, throughout primary school and high school that difference grew. I was a a little bigger than the rest of my classmates and as society's influences on us all multiplied at a massive rate, so did the judgements upon me.

I entered 20s and by this time, my thoughts were consumed by what others thought about my size. Everywhere I went I was told that I looked wrong. I walked down the street and a random man in a van would shout “Fat bitch” at me. Both men and women would make fun of me when I went out on a night out and it got to the stage where I would cross the street when I saw a group of people, afraid that they would make fun of me. Even when I met a man and he told me I was beautiful, I did not believe him. Society told me I looked wrong and I believed them.

I had been indoctrinated and I did not realise it. I had lost myself to the judgements of others and I was drowning.

When I stumbled into plus size fashion blogging it felt like a whole new world. A world where others looked like me, but were happy and confident in who they were. Something awoke in me, a spark ignited.

It started small. I started to look up instead of down. My wardrobe changed from a sea of black to packed full of dresses. I no longer crossed the street, afraid. I smiled back when a man smiled at me, without thinking that he would make fun of me.

I had at long last found myself.

Steve Miller, the creator of “Tell a friend they are fat” tells us that being fat is wrong. That you cannot be fabulous if you are fat. His whole theory seems to be based that fat people do not know that they are fat and that a friend telling them so will “fix them”. I do not know one fat person who has not always known they were fat.

The one thing that I had before I found body confidence was my friends. They knew me, the real me and never judged me. They were my safe haven in a world that hated the way I looked. They still are. A true friend knows that telling you that you are fat is nothing that you do not already know.

I am fat. I was chubby, then grew up fat. Some of it was just the way I am, some because I have a propensity to carbs. What I finally grew to realise however that this is MY BODY. No one elses, mine. I realised that I like my face and my body, just the way it is.

I am not a barbie doll. I do not look perfect (whatever perfect even looks like). What I am is exactly myself. I do not go around telling other people not to smoke, drink or take drugs. I do not expect others to tell me what I should be and how I should look like either. If I choose to lose weight or stay the same, it is my business.

My value does not go up and down like the stock market dependent on what I weigh. My self worth does not decrease if someone decides that they do not like the way that I look. We are all unique and it should be celebrated. We are priceless.

My years of listening to other people about what I should be lead to nothing but hurt, depression, self harm and locking myself away. My acceptance of who I am set me free.

I am happier now than I have ever been. That is healthy. Steve Miller's campaign is not. It is bullying, it is dangerous and let's face it, he does not actually care what happens to the people who because of him are told that they are fat, which they already know; he cares about the fame and money it will bring him. I am sure a new book will no doubt follow.

Steve tells us that by telling a friend they are fat could add a few years to their life. Society's dictations on how I looked took over my life for two decades. Now tell me again which is healthier. Happiness, or living a life being miserable, indoctrinated into believing that you look wrong.

Be happy. Whether you are a size 8 or 28. Happiness is the key to everything good. Not judgement and persecution. If you want to lose weight, do it, for you, but do not, for one second, ever let someone tell you that you are not good enough. Reclaim your life and live it the way that you choose.

My Favourite Dresses of 2014

Whilst 2014 has been a bit of a roller coaster in my personal life, one thing that has not changed is my ever growing love for clothes.  Alongside that love for clothes, my body confidence has grown steadily too and that is in no small way due to the amazing blogs that I read.

Becky (Mrs BeBe) is one blog that I always take time to read.  She first inspired me to start my own blog and I love checking out what she is wearing.  Seeing her progress with her writing and how generously she shares her own story drives me on too.

The fabulous Betty Pamper always looks like she dresses exactly the way she wishes.  Betty wears the things that she wants, without worrying if things are "on trend" (I hate that phrase).  She wears the clothes that she loves, her personality shines through them and she always looks amazing.  This is the way I like to dress myself, not following the trends, just following my style; be it from Bon Marche or Asos.

Dani has the wardrobe that I wish that I could live in.  She is always perfectly styled in her photographs and her choices and combinations always inspire me to make bolder choices.  Love this girl.

Leah is a daily read for me.  Reading her blog is like receiving the most amazing hug of your life.  Her generosity, her willingness to share her life with you, both the ups and the downs and of course the great clothes she wears makes her a must read.  I always wish that I lived closer to Leah as she is just the type of person that I love to have in my life.

Em is just amazeballs.  Read her blog and love her.  That is all.

Mentions also have to be made for Nikki who has the best laugh of anyone I know, Becky whose love for dresses rivals my own (congratulations on your job lovely!) and the amazing Louise who inspires me greatly.

So, on to what I wore this year.  Here are my favourites:

There are just a few of my favourite outfits that I have worn this year, hope you like them as much as I do.

I hope everyone has a happy New Year.  Roll on to 2015, I have a feeling it is going to be a good one!

I Feel Good in December

 

You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped? This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today". 

We all have our good days and our bad, but this challenge is to record those good days and to remember that confidence, at any size, is beautiful.

This is a photograph that I took last week when playing around with selfies last week.  I just discovered it and decided I liked it!

The Image in the Mirror

*  This post was written for and posted by me on the Huffington Post last week.  I am also posting the article here too as the subject matter is one that means a lot to me and is a waving flag that I can look back on to see the progress I have made in my body confidence journey.

One thing that we are often told is that we always should strive to be better and in many ways, I agree.  Working hard to progress your career, creating goals and attaining them; developing your personality and the way you treat others; all of these things are beneficial to you.

Sometimes however, that strive to be different is not a good thing.  Sometimes, you are enough, just as you are.

When you look into the mirror, what do you see?  Do you see yourself as a whole, or a sum of parts?  For many people when they look into the mirror, the only things they see in their reflection are the things that they think, or have been told, need changing. 

Whether it is your weight, the size of your nose; the freckles on your skin or even the way that you dress; for many people, these perceived imperfections are the only thing that they see.  The person is lost in the image and only the flaws remain.

I cannot count the amount of times that I have looked into the mirror and seen only the things that I wanted to change.  I would look at my face and only see the bright scarlet freckle flashing at me like a beacon from the end of my nose, my eyebrow which is far higher than its counterpart; my far from chiselled jawline; my smile that I thought made me look stupid.  I would move past my neck and see the breasts which are the feature that most use to describe me "You know, her with the big tits", my short waist, my weight. 

I used to see so much in that mirror but what I failed to see was the person looking back at me.

Even the most confident people in their day-to-day lives can lose themselves in their reflection in a mirror.  One of the most confident women I know told me the other day that she wasn't attending an event where she was due to speak because "I am looking awful right now.  I don't want people staring at me". 

When I joined Instagram, I also joined the ranks of people that love taking a selfie.  At first, I could not understand why people enjoyed taking pictures of themselves; particularly as I usually shied away from the camera, which records the mirror image that I so often tore apart.  Then one day, a strange thing happened.  Something that when the thought first crossed my mind; it was in the form of a whisper as it shocked me so much.  I realised that I liked my face, just as it was.

By taking so many pictures of my face, I had started to look at it as a whole, rather than a list of good features versus bad.  This carried on until finally today when I looked into a full-length mirror and realised that I liked what I saw.  I saw my whole self and thought, "You know what, I look good today".

Liking what you see when you look into a mirror is not vanity and should not be dismissed as such.  There is a vast difference between being narcissistic and simply accepting yourself for the way you are and what you look like. 

I look exactly the same now as I did when I would analyse each part.  My weight, my body shape, my messy hair, the innumerable amount of things that I thought wrong with my face, they are all still there.  The difference now is that I look at my face, not my freckle.  I see my personality coming through it.  I look at my whole body, not at what is large and what is not.  I see me.

If you can look into the mirror at yourself as a whole and not judge the reflection staring back at you, then you have won the battle against insecurity.  If you can look in the mirror and see not just a collection of parts that you rate on a sliding scale, but instead, your personality and spirit shining through then you have not just won the battle, you have won the whole bloody war.

The truth behind our war with the mirror is that we have as a society separated the people who we are with the way that we look.  You are judged on the way you look before people even know your personality.  Every day we see airbrushed versions of celebrities in magazines where every flaw and blemish is erased and these images are held up as an example of what we should strive for.

From now on, I intend to strive for happiness.  It is perhaps society itself that needs to take a long good look in the mirror. 

I Feel Good

You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped? This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today". 

We all have our good days and our bad, but this challenge is to record those good days and to remember that confidence, at any size, is beautiful.

I absolutely love today's photograph.  It was taken at the Friday night meal at Plus North in Leeds with the beautiful Emma from Terrible Tumbles who so kindly organised the meal for us and also some goody bags.

The photo is fuzzy and the two cocktails I had is making me a little cross eyed but I don't care, I love this picture.

Bird Printed Doll Dress

A couple of Saturdays ago I attended the +Simply Be store in the Arndale Centre, Manchester.  You can read about my visit here

I was lucky enough to given £50.00 to spend in store and after playing dress up and taking photographs with the magic mirror (which you need to try, it's brilliant) I decided on the Bird Printed Doll Dress * I had previously seen the dress on the lovely Sally from The Human Mannequin and thought that she looked gorgeous so wanted to try it for myself.

My magic mirror picture from the store.

I sized up with this dress to accomodate the boobage, but i think most people would find it true to size.

I first decided to style the dress with the office in mind (yes, I like to dress up) and so went with a chunky necklace and my black ankle boots from Dorothy Perkins.

After taking the pictures however I was going out in the afternoon so decided to keep the dress on and style it down a little by changing the chunky for three long ones and adding some black sparkly sandals, from +Fashion World .

The bird necklaces are from Primark

The red heart necklace was a bargain £1 from Ebay

I adore the print on the dress and I like the high-low detailing.  I will be getting a lot of wear out of this dress all summer and with the addition of a cardigan it will probably take me into autumn too!

* Denotes gifted item

Magnificent 7th

We will be posting on the 7th of each month, and the aim of the challenge is to create an outfit to fit the theme, using clothes from our wardrobes, and yes that does mean digging deep into the depths and finding those long lost clothes! Hopefully one of us won’t end up in Narnia, but you never know with a bloggers wardrobe!

This month’s theme was something that you never wear.  

I decided to go with two things that I never wear today, eyeshadow and trousers!  So I am sporting some dark green eyeshadow which I actually rather like now it is on, and for the outfit, I am wearing my new tropical print trousers from +Curvissa which I first spotted on the lovely Hollie together with a simple black vest (also Curvissa) and a red cardigan which I have had for a while now.

 

I wanted to try and change up my pictures today, but the weather put paid to that!

Check out the other ladies!

The I Feel Good Challenge

 You know sometimes when you spend ages getting ready for a night out, an event or even just a blog post, and the reflection in mirror isn't what you hoped?  This challenge is for those times when you look in the mirror, no pre planning involved, and think "I look good today".  

We all have our good days and our bad, but this challenge is to record those good days and to remember that confidence, at any size, is beautiful.

I am cheating a little with today's photograph as I have already shared this photograph on Instagram.  But the feeling I had when I took it is something that I wanted to record, to remind me.

This was me after getting ready for my birthday outing with my best friends (post on the dress to follow).

I had just finished getting my hair done by my lovely sister (thanks sis!!)  my lipstick was on and my dress felt right.  Normally after I finish getting ready I look in the mirror and think that I look okay, or nice or find something that I want to change. 

Today though I looked in the mirror and I actually doubletaked to check that the girl in the mirror was actually me.  I felt absolutely amazing.  Everything felt right and I think for the right time ever in my life I looked in that mirror and though "Wow you look really good".  This NEVER happens.

So in order to record for posterity here's the photo, to remind myself of that feeling.