Were Stay at Home Wives Happier?

One in six people are now thought to be on anti-depressants in the UK.  That equates to around 15% of the population.  Women in their 50 and 60s are the highest demographic.  This information is used by some as “proof” that women were happier when they were in the home and not working.  That those women would not be taking medication had their lives been “as they should have been”.

I have to say first and foremost that the comment "as they should have been" irritates me greatly.  As if women have nothing more to offer than being in the home.  Have no interests other than cleaning and childcare.  As if there is no point in them inspiring for more.  Wanting more.

Yet those unhappy with their lot were stuck.  Until 1964 an employer could refuse to hire you if you were a woman.  You could refuse to sell a home to a woman until 1974.  You could refuse to rent to a woman with children until 1988.  Society then was not designed for women to have independence, whether they wanted it or not. 

So what are the actual reasons behind the current statistics?

Firstly, as we know, men typically do not ask for help.  They do not talk about their problems, and that includes not talking to their GP and getting help.  Women do.  Women also attempt suicide in greater amounts than men, but tend to do so in a cry for help way, whereas men tend to go for the option that will be fatal.

So the numbers are already not accurate.  We do not know the number of men who need help but do not ask.

But let us look at the supposition that the women were happier when they were housewives.  This is something that cannot be quantified.  Because the times and choices available were completely different back then. 

But we do know this. 

Antidepressants were first introduced in the 1950s.  Let's look at some of the adverts, targeted solely at women I may add, from that time.

You can't set her free, but you can make her feel less anxious

Housework is simple ladies!  Take Ritalin!

The food machine can cook again when you take Morndine!

Figures show that 20 - 30% of women were taking anti-depressants in the 1950s and this continued in an upward motion through the decades.  Valium, well known as "Mother's Little Helper" was brought to the market in 1963 and sales went from 500,000 in 1965, rising to 29 million in 1970 and peaking at a staggering 88 million by 1988.  That is just figures from the US.

So many women obviously were not happy.  They were depressed.  There are of course women who wanted to be stay at home mothers and thrived on it, or were at least happy.  

The issue we have is that women in general want more in life than being attached to a vacuum cleaner with a child tied to the hip.  They wanted more than just their lives to be in the home 24/7 with zero breaks.  While their partners get free time and indeed, days off work, the women did not.  Their money was controlled, did not have a bank account or in some cases, access to money that was not given to them by their husbands.  While some wanted this life, many were stuck in that life.

The fact that in the same decade that anti-depressants were introduced, that 20-30% of women immediately needed them, says everything.

I think now of the film Mona Lisa Smile.  Particularly Julia Stiles' character, Joan.  She was brilliantly minded.  She got into Wellesley.  Was offered a place at Yale.  But she chose to become a stay at home mother.  I do not judge her for that.  That was her choice.  It is more the reactions and responses of her soon to be husband that I noted.    How could she go to Yale but have dinner on the table for 5.00pm?  He may have thought that she was intelligent, but it was inconsequential.  Her role was cleaning the home and cooking, then raising children.  Her intelligence was amusing and fun for him, but not taken seriously.

But I hear you say, women started working in greater numbers from the 1960s onwards.  That is the reason for the increase in anti-depressants!!

Sorry, but no again.  The fact that is that more women did start working.  But the amount that they had to do in home stayed the same.  This has continued, although decreased slightly, into present day.

There are numerous studies that show that women do a far greater amount in the home then their male partners.  A recent study shows that 67% of the women interviewed said that they did a far greater amount in the home compared to their partners.  

Is it any wonder that more and more women turned to anti-depressants.  They thought that by working, the split at home would be equal/more equal.  But this was not the case.  They gained bank accounts and access to money, but their time was still regarded as the families while the husband's time was not.

Some men see the 1950s as a golden time.  It is plain to see that for women, it was not.