Can't Cook Will Cook

I have always been a fussy eater.  Finicky my mum calls me.  

The thing is, most of the time it is more about the way certain food looks, or its description that puts me off; before even tasting.  

A lot of the time, the way that a dish is cooked can either start your love, or hate, for an ingredient.  Sprouts at Christmas time anyone?  There is nothing worse that boiled sprouts sittings there on your plate.  But I now have a new love for them after trying out a Sprouts with Chestnuts & Bacon recipe.

Going to a great restaurant and having the taster menu is a great way of discovering foods that you would never think of trying, whether you are a fussy eater like me; or just not that experimental.  I have found many favourite dishes this way; things that I would previously have never ordered.

Steak is something that I have always shied away from, not understanding how much people enthused over it.  The thought of eating a piece of meat medium rare was something that I could not stomach, pardon the pun.  

I remember a few months ago, being sit in a restaurant for a friend's birthday eating a seven course taster menu.  When the main dish of fillet of beef arrived, I remember looking down at it in horror. My best friend looked at me and said "If you are ever going to try a steak, cooked perfectly. this is the place.  Try it".  Two mouthfuls in and I was in heaven.

As someone who is learning to cook and expand my repertoire, steak is one thing that I really want to learn how to cook properly.  After (finally) discovered what all the fuss was about, cooking perfectly done steak for a dinner party is a goal I really want to accomplish.

Online recipes have been amazing for helping me to learn to cook.  Places like BBC Good Food and the Jamie Oliver website which tells you the difficulty rating of every dish have been really beneficial.

I recently came across this guide from Barbecoa Jamie Oliver with tips on how to cook steak.  As a novice, knowing what type of cut to buy (I would not have a clue) and what type of herbs to infuse the meat with is invaluable. 

I will let you know how my cooking goal goes!

I'm Not Fine

Depression is a strange beast.  The black dog.  

The illness that you are ashamed of, although shouldn't be.  The thing you don't talk about.  The thing that you shield from others.  The thing that you deny to yourself, until you cannot deny it.  The thing that is a stigma.  The supposed "fake illness".  A joke.

Today is World Mental Health Day.  Today, more than any other, is the day that those suffering from depression and anxiety should not be afraid of speaking out.  IT IS OK TO SAY THAT YOU ARE NOT FINE.

If I have made any progress in the last fifteen years of having depression and more recently, anxiety, it is to say that I am starting to realise that it is ok to admit how you feel.  

I am lucky.  I do not have debilitating depression.  I can function day to day.  My depression comes, and it goes.  Well, when I say that, what I mean is that it is manageable.  It is the social friendly version.  The kind that I can function with in day to day life, without falling apart in public.  

^ See.  Look at me.  Even in this blog I find it hard not to sell my feelings as "Don't worry.  I can still function as a human being.  My illness will not affect you".

My anxiety can be debilitating.  But yet again, I hide it.  Like with my depression, it is something that is not seen in my professional life, something that only a few people whom I care about, know about. I have been more honest in this blog about how I feel that to any person in "real life".

That is so wrong.

So do I feel?  Really?  What is being like this, for me, really like?  In honesty.

It is spending six months of my life last year in tears at work; whilst simultaneously hiding it from my boss.  It is having a wonderful day, and then at the end of it, realising how strange it feels to actually feel happy; and then realising just how few of those days I have.  It is your heart hurting, not from physical pain, but your soul crying; for reasons you do not know.

It is looking way back at the first two years, when it all first started and wondering how the hell you survived when so many days; you did not want to go on.  When pain was preferable to the sadness you felt.

I have come a long way,  I still have a long way to go.  I feel scared about what the future holds.  I wonder if I will ever meet someone as a partner that will put up with me when my depression comes to call.

But that is the problem isn't it? Depression should not be a stigma.  Something that we have to hide.  Something that we deny and try to deal with behind closed doors.  

I am not fine.  I doubt that I ever really will be.  I have dealt with that. There are millions of others, just like me.  We should not have to hide.  Our depression is part of us, but is no way all of us. 

We are not fine.  But that is ok.  We are allowed to feel this way and should not, ever not, cater our mental health to other people's comfort levels.  We are not whinging.  We cannot just think that it is lovely day and cheer up.  We do not choose to feel this way and believe me, if you had ever felt it, you would not choose it either.

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you've been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.

Phone: 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am-5.30pm)

Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.

Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15-35.

Website: www.thecalmzone.net

Depression Alliance

Charity for sufferers of depression. Has a network of self-help groups.

Website: www.depressionalliance.org

Men's Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk

Mental Health Foundation

Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.

Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.

Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm)

Website: www.mind.org.uk

No Panic

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and OCD. Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.

Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am-10pm)

Website: www.nopanic.org.uk

Rehab

Rehab 4 Addiction offers a free helpline dedicated to helping those suffering from drug, alcohol and mental health problems. Rehab 4 Addiction was founded in 2011 by people who overcame addiction themselves. You can contact Rehab 4 Addiction on 0800 140 4690.