I Won't Dance (But Still Ask Me)

I LOVE to dance.  Always did.  When I was in my early teens I used to have dancing lessons, learning the Latin American dances of the cha-cha and the tango and the classics like the waltz and foxtrot. I got up to my second Gold Bar before I stopped.  Looking back, I cannot actually pinpoint why or when I decided to end my lessons.

I started to go out to clubs when I was 16 and loved dancing with my friends.  We would stay out way into the small hours, dancing until our feet hurt.   We all had an active social life at the weekends for many years, but gradually, my participation on the dance floor lessened.  Again, I cannot pinpoint the exact time that I stopped, around my mid twenties I think, but this time I do know why; I got scared.  

The stares, the laughs; the comments, the ridicule at the fat girl dancing.  It did not happen all the time but regularly enough that on each night out I started to wait for it to happen.  

The fear of other people's ridicule grew greater than my love to dance.  

I stopped dancing and instead, I was the one stood on the sidelines, watching my friends happily dancing away.  Occasionally, fueled by enough alcohol and the combination of a brilliant song, I would join them; only for the fear to return and I would be back to standing at the side.

I do not want to be this way.  I have improved every aspect of my life through my growing confidence; yet my ability to go on to a dance floor still eludes me.  

The "dancing man" was recently in the headlines.  Ridiculed on Reddit for daring to dance whilst being fat (typical for the cretins on Reddit) his story went viral and only a couple of weeks ago he was thrown a party with thousands of people in attendance and with Moby as the DJ.    He has since been on numerous TV shows and appeared at a LA Dodgers game.

Would this happen to a woman?  It is perhaps a controversial question but somehow, I doubt it.  I have been fat shamed by many a fat man who does not seem to see the irony in this.  For some reason, it is more "wrong" for a woman to be fat than a man, in society's view in any case.

That said, the experiences of the dancing man warmed my heart.  It gave me courage that not all people in this world are horrible people,  That, with my new found confidence, it may be safe to once again go back onto the dance floor.

That is my mission to myself this summer.  Dance.  Without a care of who is watching. 

A Rail Affair

Many years ago, I got a new wardrobe for my room.  Looking back now, it was always going to be too big.  Like Alice in Wonderland, the furniture all seemed to be huge in a small room with me, like Alice, sat in the middle.

The wardrobe was so large that I could not even open one of the doors properly.  Sitting at the end of my bed, the only place that it would fit, I was able to open one door fully but the other only slightly.  Gaining access to everything was somewhat problematic to say the least.

The danger of building flat pack furniture is that by the time you have built it up, there is no way you are taking that sucker down again!

The thing is though, back then and until recently the past couple of years; it did not matter.  Why do you need to search through clothes to wear when everything is black?  When your work clothes are the standard black trousers, black top and your evening consists of a couple of black dresses and black evening tops?  It did not matter therefore that only half of my wardrobe was accessible to me, as all my clothes were the same.

Fast forward a few years and my wardrobe is full of colour, prettiness and wonderment.  No longer did I want to hide my clothes away in disgust.  I decided to do away with my wardrobe and have a rail put up instead.  More room and some of my dresses would be on view.

This view makes me smile every morning when I wake up.  Not because I am thinking "Look how many dresses I have" but instead "Look how far I have come".

When you have limited space in a bedroom it is always better to look for clever storage and units that do not take up much room