My Rosie

I never thought in a million years that I would be writing this post today.

Seven months, practically to the day that we lost our beautiful Ellie, we found ourselves putting my wonderful gorgeous Rosie to sleep.

My Rose.  An amazing bundle of fluff who had so much love to give.  She loved nothing better than a cuddle and greeted me every day after work, patiently waiting for me at the patio doors and after spotting me entering the gate; running for her favourite toy Tiger or Frog to come and show me.

My Rosie.  I remember the day that I met you.  Found in an advert in the paper, advertised for sale as someone was leaving the country.  Back then, you were not Rosie. you were Lily.

Looking back, it is clear that they simply did not want you (how is that possible?).  Lying in your box, showing not much interest and very sleepy, I am convinced that they had given you something to make you docile.  No water dish out, no food to be seen.  You were immediately ours and became my Rosie Posey.

It was their loss.  It was my privilege to have you in my life.  

After Ellie died, the love that you gave us tripled.  You loved to sit on mummy's knee, particularly when I was trying to do the Asda order and you decided that stroking you was more important than the weekly shop.  It was.

Here you are, in the next photo.  Those big brown eyes, so full of love, saying stroke me mummy! I would sit cross legged on the settee, my phone in one hand trying to complete the shop and stroking you with the other.

When you became ill in July I was so worried and rushed you to the vets.  Finding out that you had a mass on your liver was heartbreaking, but with no cancer found in the blood tests, I prayed to whoever is out there that we could have at least another year with you.

I still cannot work it out in my head how you went from being your normal, wonderful self a week last Tuesday, to having to put you to sleep on Saturday.  I am shell shocked.  It still does not feel real.

You became ill again on the Thursday.  Given medication and injections just as before, I crossed everything that this would make you better.  The news we received on Friday after a full day at the vets that your kidneys were failing was such a shock, but we had hope that maybe a drip and some medication would give you a little more time.

We brought you home that night, but you were no longer the same dog.  Looking in your eyes, you were no longer there.  You were supposed to spend another day at the vets on a drip, but we knew in our hearts that the fight, so quickly started, was over.

We both loved you so much, which meant that we could not put you through any more.  I hope you understand that my angel.  

The house is so empty without you in it.  My teddy bear has gone and you have left such a massive hole.  A piece of my heart went with Ellie, and now another has been taken losing you.  I will always love you.  

This is my favourite photo of us.  Me watching the Grand Prix and you cuddled up with me.  You have such love in your eyes, as you always did.  You were so loved.  Go and play with Ellie now.  I will see you again.

Confidence is Key

This weekend I went to the Curve Fashion Festival.  I will be talking about that in a later post, but first, I wanted to talk about the plus size community as a whole and what you receive from it.

You start out, much like I did, by discovering plus size fashion blogs and positivity.  Slowly, your wardrobe changes, your confidence to wear what you want, not what you think you should wear starts to progress and take shape.

Along with finding confidence in myself and what I wore, along the way I picked up something else, courage.

The courage not to cross a road when you encounter a group of people, just in case they are mean to you.  The courage to go out and do something on your own, without having to have someone with you or needing to speak to someone every step of the way.

Before I found the plus size community, other than in my home town, I never went anywhere on my own.  I wouldn't say that I was afraid, more that I just knew that I could not do it.  I did not have the courage to take those journeys without someone being there.

I remember a couple of years ago being asked to go to an event in London.  It was the launch of new plus size collection in Soho and I really, really wanted to go.  But travelling to London?  Finding my way around on my own?  Staying over?  My courage disappeared.

So what did I do?  I looked at all the plus size bloggers, all those who inspired me in their confidence, their style, the way that they were not afraid to go out into the world and live it.  I took the inspiration they gave me and went to London.  I came back a different person.  They helped to create a new me.  A more courageous me.  Someone who was not afraid to go out there and LIVE.

Which brings me back to the Curve Fashion Festival.  After spending many hours in the company of amazing women, especially the wonderful Kate Willshaw and the fabulous Stephanie Cummings (thank you again for the phone battery charge!) I was left with a couple of hours in Liverpool.  What to do?

The old me would have gotten a taxi to the train station and stayed there for two hours.  The new me?  She went out and saw a bit of Liverpool.  In a bright yellow dress, enough red lipstick to last me a decade and a smile on my face; I headed out.

A stroll along the Albert Docks, The Tate, a pirate ship (sadly my damn picture didn't come out) and the Echo Wheel of Liverpool.  A wonderful day.

Lashes from Doll Beauty