A Blog of Two Halves

I have been running my blog: Ranting the Day Away for a couple of years.  My musings, opinions and my self improvement journey have all featured there and I have loved doing it.  I have been more honest, sometimes brutally honest, in that blog than in any other aspect of my life.  If someone asked me for a definition of who I was, I would have directed them to the blog.

 

A friend recently described the way I write as being that she could hear my voice through the words I had put on the page.  I think of that it as a compliment as I believe that you can only be yourself and if that comes across in my writing, then I have achieved my aim.

 

Recently however I have set up an additional blog called Words of a Curve.  The idea for this blog was to deal with the side of me that I didn’t talk about on Ranting the Day Away, the plus size part of me and all the stories that lie within it.  Over the course of the month I have done various posts and have gotten a good reaction to them.  As well as the “outfit of the day” posts I have put the stories in there too.  I have even more honest with this blog and have said and done things with it that I never thought I could actually do.

 

Today though, a thought struck me.  I was still hiding.  Keeping the two blogs separate just didn’t make sense, either for the upkeep or for the question of which post to put on which blog.  The plus size girl was still hiding around the corner, now saying the occasional thing but letting the loud speaker of the first blog do all the talking.  Well, sod that.

 

So here I am.  Merged. 

 

The title of the blog is The Curved Opinion which seems to fit the joining of the two blogs.  The whole me, the whole truth, just as ranty as before.   I’m still going to write as I intended to from the start.  You know the phrase “Dance like there is no one watching”.  Well my phrase for this blog is “Write as if no one in the world will read it”.

 

Now that feels much better J

Gorgeously Ugly

Confidence and self worth.  Both are things that can be hard to find sometimes, but once you have them, don't ever let them go.

 

What has surprised me during my journey of rediscovering confidence, colourful clothes and self worth is when I have looked back on situations and looked at how I have reacted in them.  When people have said things to me, or in the case of a certain guy, who wanted me in private, but denied me in public.

 

The best way to deal with insults is of course to ignore them and realise that the people who say them are not worth your time, or your tears.  In the case of the opposite sex though, this can be harder to deal with.  What makes me angry was is not the fact of how he treated me, I've moved past that, but the fact I LET IT HAPPEN.

 

Over a longer time period than I would like to admit I went along with someone who would tell me I was gorgeous and sexy in private, but would deny that anything was happening, or had happened, between us when asked.  I went along with this.  YOU BLOODY IDIOT.

 

I'm writing this now and putting it up here because I think it is important to be said.  Because someone might read it and admit that they are in or have been in that relationship.  Anyone who treats you that way is not worth your time.  You are worth more than.  I am worth more than that.

 

I was as much to blame because I let it happen.  I had no confidence and clearly no self respect.  But I changed.   I started to read these sort of blogs and realised that it was ok to be who I am.  To look the way I look. 

 

In the end, the only person you can make you feel bad about yourself is you.  I look at the girl I was a year ago, all in black with no confidence to the girl I am today, happy, wearing bright red, confident and I smile.

Have the confidence.  There is a whole world out there waiting to be enjoyed.  It is worth the journey.