Bit of a wordy one this.
Your life is a journey that each of us takes. The only certainties are the beginning and the end. The path that takes you there differs for everyone and the path is of our own choosing.
In many ways, that path starts in our teenage years. The choices we make, the people who we decide to be and the influences around us all fit together to formulate the future person.
When I was a teenager, I was so worried about what people thought of me. I wanted so desperately to fit in. I would change myself in order to fit in with what was required. I was convinced that I was not good enough as I was.
I have seen many people write letters to their former selves; giving tips and reassurances about the people that they will become. Today I am writing that note to the past me, who still lingers in the halls of my memory.
To Me, Age 15
From Me, Age 35
You Don't Need to Change Yourself
One of the biggest lessons that you will learn is that is ok to be yourself. As soon as you allow yourself to embrace who you are, happiness comes. The people around you: your family, your friends, they already see the real you and they love you.
When you eventually let out that person who at the moment only exists in private, you will discover that people have been waiting for this to happen for years.
She will grow in so many ways once you let her out of the cupboard. You will find it impossible to believe, but in twenty years time you will have a blog, you will write part time, you will be a feminist. You will have opinions and be passionate about them. You will be strong. You will be happy.
You Will Still Be Fat (but you will be ok with that)
Will it destroy you to know that in twenty years you will still be fat? At the moment you just want to fit in and be attractive to boys. Underneath a lot of layers you don't, admit it, actually mind the way that you look, but you are too preoccupied with what other people are telling you that you should look like, that you are ignoring yourself.
One day you will realise that you like the way that you look. That it does not matter what other people think. You are going to run a plus size fashion blog one day. You will be addicted to busy patterns and dresses. Do not shake your head in disbelief, it is true. You will be happy.
One day, not too many years from now, you will meet a boy. To be with him will feel like the sun is shining on you. I have one word of advice. Run.
You may think you are in the sunshine, but what you will realise when things end like the explosion of a bomb, is that you were not bathing in sunlight; you were deluded and hidden away in the shadows. You deserve better than that. You will move on and a lesson will have been learned. You will be happy.
Things to Remember
You have a strong will, use it. There is confidence in there, embrace it. You can write, do it. You deserve love. Don't wait for x, y and z to happen, just go out and live. Say yes more. Do not let fear concur you. Buy those red shoes.
I will end this with a quote which means a lot to me these days.
"You are enough.
Not because you not because you did or said or bought or thought
or became or created something special,
but because you always were."
You will be happy.