3 February 2012

Hi, My Name is Vicky & I'm a Fixer

The office world.  The water cooler gossip, the passive aggressive notes in the fridge, the hierarchical pettiness between staff.  The fixers and the ditchers.

Every single office in the world has it’s fixers and it’s ditchers.  

For those uninitiated to the office:
  • Fixer – a person commonly known to fix broken printers, photocopiers and give IT advice to people who just plainly can’t be arsed.
  • Ditcher – a person who breaks the aforementioned printers, photocopiers and computers but can’t be arsed to fix them themselves.

You know the drill.  You are sat in your office/cubicle and you hear it.  That goddamn beeping.  Someone has just broken the printer/copier.  Then the silence.  You wait, hope, for the next sounds.  The banging of the various compartments, the (in my office) swearing at the machine, the re-start beep.  But no, it’s just silence.  They’ve walked away.

A ditcher has just struck.

Once you have been identified as a fixer, there is no going back.  There will forever be that invisible sign on your head saying “I fix things”.  Ditchers can spot you at a hundred paces. 

Each time you promise yourself that it’s the last time.  You’ll just leave it broken next time.  It’s not fair on you.  But it’s in your nature.  You can’t just leave and besides, you will have to use the damn thing eventually.  

Ditchers on the other hand are harder to spot.  Because they are the invisible people.  You never see the person who leaves the printer without filling it, the evil little cretin that breaks the photocopier and then leaves it.  They magically disappear into thin air at the sound of the error tone.  The breed that lurk behind doorways and peer around corners.

So, are you a fixer or a ditcher?  You might on the other hand be sitting with your laptop, reading this post and thinking "Christ, I'm glad I don't work in an office, you're all lunatics".

Choose your side.

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